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 I'm new and need help with Mom's behavior. 
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Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2014 10:47 am
Posts: 3
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Post I'm new and need help with Mom's behavior.
My mother was diagnosed with LBD in 2012. She's doing great physically (just walked 2 5ks with her rollater) but it's the behavior we're all struggling with. It's hard to introduce myself and say unpleasant things about my Mom at the same time but we really need help. Mom has many great qualities but she's also always been very direct and a little self-centered. As she started to get sicker we talked about Mom's "filter" being gone when she became even more direct and self-centered. We're not laughing anymore. We're all ( my brother and sisters) struggling to keep our emotions in check as Mom demands, brags, manipulates, laughs about manipulating and generally stomps over everyone's feelings. My siblings and I haven't read anything about this particular behavior in any literature. Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any good advice for dealing with her? It's hard to remember that she's sick because in most other areas she's doing really well.


Fri Oct 10, 2014 5:01 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3441
Location: Vermont
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Post Re: I'm new and need help with Mom's behavior.
Yes, that was one of the first things I noticed about my dad well before I knew anything about him having Parkinson's or LBD. He had lost his ability to be empathic, and I thought he was just getting old and crabby, and couldn't understand why he could get so nasty at times. There are definitely behavioral changes that are very uncomfortable to live with.

After his huge overnight decline, he had to move to an ALF, as he had been living alone and he could not go back to that situation. When I'd go visit him (8.5 hr. drive to his house, then another hour each way to the ALF), when he'd get nasty, I'd have to go back to his house to calm down and try to de-stress. It was very maddening, because I'd left my own husband and kid who was still at home, my own daily activities, and driven a whole day to go stay with him and he'd be demanding, unreasonable and mean. Sometimes I could calm him down, other times not. I was finally able to wrap my head around the fact that he had a neuro. disease and couldn't help himself. He was several months into this horrible state of health before I even heard of LBD or knew he had a neuro. disease because he lived in a rural area where health care is nearly non-existent, except for GPs, family drs. & CNPs. So, he had no official dx that would have helped me understand what was going on.

Once someone mentioned LBD to me and I researched it, then found this forum, all sorts of things started making more sense in terms of his behaviors and the coming and going of abilities and skills.

Welcome to the forum, and you may want to post this in the Intro. section, then any questions under the appropriate area to get the most responses. The welcome area is not frequented much, and is primarily used by the LBDA admin. to post notices to us forum members. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Fri Oct 10, 2014 5:17 pm
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Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:49 pm
Posts: 120
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Post Re: I'm new and need help with Mom's behavior.
I know what you mean, my mom has always been selfish , rude and awful to other people. My dad complained to my brother and i about her for a couple of yrs. because she was gettin so bad.then we meant lewy...i could not do anything with her,thats when i told my dad she has always been a verbal abuser, and she is the one that had finnally been dx with dementia. SO she has to be medicated!!! ZOFLOT and sarquel im not agreat speller as u can tell but it works for me. dad gives it to her when he wants, or she gets into it herself. and thats a whole nother story. Yes i have my own family, but they dont care, so u guys are not alone. i have learned alot about lewy,and parkinsons, GO to lbd/tools.com the books are written by the whitworths. if u cant find it im paula.lanier.@gmail.com. this is why i have been to the educational support groups and found the whitworths by my self, so i can help other adult children. sooner than later i will be dealing with 2 elder parents that are both selfish and verbal abusers. so if u need me im paula.lanier.@gmail.com .


Sun Oct 12, 2014 12:12 am
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Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2014 10:47 am
Posts: 3
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Post Re: I'm new and need help with Mom's behavior.
I know what you mean. Mom is actually the healthier one of my parents. Dad died 4 years ago so maybe now we're just focusing on Mom's issues more too. I thank God I found people to help me get some perspective on them and see a little of what normal families are like. I'm grateful too that one sister is a nurse and the other is a social worker. Between them, they cover a lot of needs that I wouldn't know where to begin.
I did find the LBD tools info. I'll check into the books. Thanks for your help.
I also talked to a friend yesterday who thought the things Mom is doing might be a form of aggression. Maybe she's just presenting her symptoms differently.


Sun Oct 12, 2014 2:02 pm
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Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2014 1:49 pm
Posts: 120
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Post Re: I'm new and need help with Mom's behavior.
Hi Isalah, its paula.lanier.@gmail.com from LBDcaregivers@yahoogroup.com. YOU can join this site also, your friend is rite and it could get worse too. SO get ready, the whitworths will answer phone calls also. If u have a dx. of lewy then we can help. some times u have to get pass that she is your mom and stand back and look in to the situation you may see things she does is also dementia related. I know its hard i had to grieve both my parents before i could step back in. Thats when i could see what others did. MY dad knows she sick but lives in denial.But LEWY will be so back its up and down. IM here or u can call me at 1 910 233 0499 or 910 686 7504 in wilm,n.c.


Sun Oct 12, 2014 3:44 pm
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