So how do I handle a well meaning caregiver who insists my MIL get up on those hard to wake days so she eats. What is more important: eating or sleeping? I try to tell her that the disease is progressive and that this sleeping is part of the progression, but the caregiver is a foodie who loves to eat. I think she associates food with comfort. Regardless of how much my MIL eats she is still slowly losing weight.

Donna, when the caregiver insists on getting her up to eat, does she eat?

Donna,

Seems to me that your well-meaning CG needs to be educated and/or instructed on her duties. Unless getting your mother up to eat is productive, which it doesn't seem to be, then why not let her sleep?

Where does the CG come from? If from some kind of agency, can you request that the agncy educate her about this and direct her to let your mother sleep? If you are her employer and supervise her, I don't see why you cannot instruct her not to get your mother up. You have tried to explain it to her but apparently she won't listen. It may be time to tell her that this is not her decision to make and she needs to follow your instructions.

Julianne

Even at the SNF they don't get the residents up for meals if they don't want to get up. But they do save their meals in the refrigerator and heat them up later when they do get up. They are encouraged to get up for meals but never forced.

The staff at my mother's SNF knows she refuses to get up before about 11:00 a.m. so they have given up trying get her to eat breakfast. She gets up in time for lunch, and they offer her supplements between meals. She isn't ever forced to eat, either.

Julianne

I agree with getting your mom up seems so counter productive, and I am sure it adds to agitation !

Thanks everyone!