View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Wed Oct 01, 2014 2:30 am



Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
 Choosing and/or re-evaluating your POA 
Author Message

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3377
Location: Vermont
Post Choosing and/or re-evaluating your POA
A very close relative of mine who was dx'd with dementia (not sure what type) about 2 years ago is in the hospital in critical condition because of a fall a few days ago. She has made it abundantly clear her entire adult life that if she became seriously ill with little chance of ever having a decent quality of life again, she wants "lots and lots of morphine, too much morphine, and please let me go." She has told me over and over again that she wished she hadn't had open heart surgery a few years ago, that she's lived a good long life and she is ready to go, and to make sure her wishes of "no heroics" are honored. She even entered the ER a few days ago holding up her wrist with her "DNR" bracelet on, yelling "I'm a DNR. NO HEROICS."
One of her adult children is her POA and so far has allowed transfusions and is allowing surgery tomorrow, totally against her mother's wishes. One of her other children is trying to honor their mom's wishes. Don't know what the third sibling is doing/thinking.
The lesson here - KNOW AND TRUST THAT YOUR POA WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT, not what they want. Even if you've chosen a POA, you may want to check in with them from time to time and change POAs if you think the person cannot handle honoring your wishes. I have tried gently reminding her children that they know what is in her AD and how adamant she was about having it followed.
I am just beside myself knowing that the mom does NOT want to have surgery. I've promised her many times that I would help reinforce her wishes when the time came, and the time is now unfortunately. The POA won't allow anyone to call it surgery. We are all supposed to refer to it as "a procedure." Wow......

Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sun May 06, 2012 7:47 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Choosing and/or re-evaluating your POA
Sorry but I fault the woman more than the kids. A DNR simply says that resuscitation can't occur. It says nothing about transfusions or surgery.

And who knows what "no heroics" means?

You are absolutely right that the woman should've chosen better POAs.


Tue May 08, 2012 1:33 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3377
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Choosing and/or re-evaluating your POA
Of course it's not in her DNR!!! That's why she has a very specifically written AD as well as telling us at every chance she can get EXACTLY what she doesn't want, and that she is ready to die at any time. Luckily she was able to tell everyone at the hospital yesterday when they cut back her morphine that she did not want surgery. Her lung is healing slowly, at least at this point.

"I have tried gently reminding her children that they know what is in her AD and how adamant she was about having it followed."

She has been like a mom to me for many, many years. I really appreciate the caring support. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Tue May 08, 2012 7:29 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 317
Location: southern cali
Post Re: Choosing and/or re-evaluating your POA
lynn..
thanks for the reminder and so sorry about your special friend... it must be a difficult time for you.... she is lucky to have you,by her side...
please take care
hugs
cindi

_________________
sole CG for hubby.1st symptoms, 2000, at 55. Diag with AD at 62, LB at 64.. vietnam vet..100% ptsd disability,sprayed with agent orange, which doubled chances for dementia. ER visit 11-13,released to memory care..


Tue May 08, 2012 10:54 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3377
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Choosing and/or re-evaluating your POA
Cindi - thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot! She and I are very close and always have been, but especially after my mom died so suddenly and tragically.
After many strange phone calls between her and me a couple of years ago I finally convinced her daughters to take her to a neurologist because it was quite obvious to me that she had some form of dementia. They had been in denial about it for a while but I finally convinced them that she might be helped with some meds. Finally the one who is the POA took her to a neuro. and she has been on Namenda and Aricept ever since. Those drugs have helped her a lot, but then this was early in her dx, so I am very grateful they have been helping her. With her increasing balance, mobility issues and some other symptoms, I wouldn't be surprised if one of these days she was dxd with Parkinsons/LBD.
She has told me over and over again "I want to die before I ever decline to the bad state of health your father was in for several years." I'd hate to see her or anyone in the shape he was in in his last year.
Anyway, thanks again for the support, Cindi. Have a good day, Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Tue May 08, 2012 11:57 am
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 5 posts ] 

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
Localized by MaĆ«l Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr