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 Financial delusions 
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Financial delusions
Yup. Logic and trying to reason with your LO is futile. Could your mom just ask him to "endorse" the "checks" and say that she will deposit them when she is buying groceries or some other errand? I wonder if your dad has concerns about finances and this could be part of a need to know that things are OK. Long after my mom understood her bank statements, I would still let her see them, or pull on-line copies and edit them for her to review. She then felt that, though her life was mostly confusing and out of control, she still had something to keep track of, to feel that she still had some control over her life. I think, with dementia, one of the most terrifying aspects is the loss of control, or feeling of loss of control, over your own life. And I've noticed, not just with my mom, but with others who were in the dementia unit with her, that even just the appearance of financial control (of course, not real control) could be rather calming - kind of a lifeline.

But, please make sure that the insurance agent, the bank, credit card companies and other people your parents do business with have a copy of your dad's Power of Attorney documents. If he hasn't made them out, and an attorney feels he's still competent to do so, do it very soon. Keep in mind that, if your dad is a veteran, the VA doesn't recognize POA and you should check with them to see what resources are available locally to help with anything to do with them (usually the county, American Legion and/or VFW). Yes. Total strangers at the VFW were considered by the VA to be better representatives of my father and mother than I was. And remember that, unless declared incompetent (which is rarely necessary), your dad is considered competent to make all kinds of decisions, anywhere from changing POA and wills to, say, buying a house. Open every piece of mail, even if it looks like junk, to be sure he hasn't done something you will have to clean up later.

And, for end of life documents, probate doesn't care if you've been named executor in the will - you have to go through their expensive procedure, even when there is less than nothing in the estate, to become a "personal representative." Here in Minnesota, I found a way around it that I hope will work, but it is a lot of red tape and crossed fingers.

But back to the "checks." If you can find some way of giving him the feeling of participation in his own finances, it could go a long way toward supporting his comfort level.

Good luck.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:28 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Financial delusions
I think the original poster was referring to her husband, Kate. Not that these things don't apply. ;-) Sometimes it's hard to keep track of who's who and what's what in a thread. :P

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:58 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Financial delusions
Kate,

You have made a good point that a nominated personal representative under a will has no power until it is granted by the court. However, I feel compelled to add that some states do have procedures short of a full blown probate for situations where there are not a lot of assets or things are otherwise simple and straightforward, with the heirs all cooperating (yes, that does happen). These procedures are not very complex and a lot of people handle them without an attorney, so there is little if any expense. People should check into the alternatives before going through a full blown probate, and the local court officials or their web sites should be helpful.

Julianne


Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:10 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Financial delusions
Oops. Thanks, Pat. I have this little issue with occasional confusion.

My apologies.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:41 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Financial delusions
It's not you, Kate, it's just hard to keep track in long threads, since so many of us chime in with our own experiences.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:48 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Financial delusions
You're right, Julianne. After significant red tape, I am trying to use one of those alternative methods, with trepidation and with fingers and toes crossed.

Meanwhile, the nursing home wants its last payment and the funeral director wants to settle the funeral account, I still need an invoice for the cemetery marker which I made a final decision on just yesterday (in order to settle the funeral account) and the county wants the financial reconciliation for Medicaid.

But I had to wait a month before I could move forward with this alternative method and now the bank wants to hold the funds until the checks written to the estate clear.

I'm changing my will to make sure that the person I saddle with this responsibility gets some compensation for the stress and frustration. (It's hard to justify an executor's fee when the "estate" barely covers the funeral expenses.)

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:49 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Financial delusions
Kate, it can be a lot of aggravation, that's true. I hope all goes well!

Julianne


Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:01 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Financial delusions
In our state, I believe probate is unnecessary unless the estate is over $100K.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:39 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Financial delusions
The laws vary from state to state, of course. In my state, the limit is $50K, though even a smaller estate might require probate if there are problems requiring the court's assistance. Bottom line, it's best to check out what procedures are available before making assumptions.

Julianne


Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:17 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Financial delusions
In Minnesota, it's $50K for a formal probate. Under $50K can do an informal probate with a "personal representative." But to do that you have to buy the appropriate forms and pay a $250 filing fee to be a personal representative (regardless of what the will says), which is silly when the entire "estate" barely tops $1000. So I am trying using the "Affidavit for Claim of Personal Property" to get these checks made out to the estate cashed so I can pay these remaining debts. Moral of the story: do not close out you LO's checking account. You will need it. Mom was adamant about my closing out her bank accounts because of her experience 40 years ago. Before you honor such a request, check the current probate laws and procedures.

Live and learn...

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:45 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Financial delusions
Interesting. In my state, you can transfer up to $50K via an affidavit procedure, no probate at all, informal or otherwise. The person who takes the property in that manner still has certain statutory duties to perform, but there are no filings in court or filing fees, no PR appointed. Maybe it is similar to the Affidavit of Claim for Personal Property that you mentioned. I hope it works for you!

Julianne


Tue Mar 27, 2012 3:37 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Financial delusions
Interesting. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on the best states to die in - the ones with the easiest probate.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:05 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3317
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Financial delusions
Kate - your posting made me laugh! Yes, there are probably some states where it's "better to die" than others! Settling my dad's estate in MD wasn't a huge hassle, or hugely expensive either since he'd put almost all his assets in mine and my sister's names several years earlier. His car was in his name only because I pleaded with him NOT to put anyone else's name on the title, as his driving was pretty bad before I had to take the car keys away. I didn't want any of his family members to be liable if he'd had an accident, so the car had to go through probate, but that was all. It did take a lot longer than I thought it would, however, but I THINK it's all done now, and he died 16 mo. ago. I am still hanging onto the checking account "just in case." There may be an income tax issue from something in his estate last year that was a little fouled up. I will be so glad when this paperwork ends! Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Wed Mar 28, 2012 1:09 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Financial delusions
Groan!!!!

It keeps going? I was so hoping it would all go away by summer.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:01 pm
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2011 1:42 pm
Posts: 108
Post Re: Financial delusions
Does one go through probate even if there is a will? I thought that was why one had a will. My sister tells me that Michigan is a better state to die in than Indiana because there is less of an inheritance tax, but I really haven't a clue about these intricacies. It is troubling to realize that there are so many. The things we know nothing about until we are faced with them - :shock:

Liz


Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:31 pm
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