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 Wanting sex-from anyone 
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Wanting sex-from anyone
Haven't seen this in recent postings. Husband has just started asking for sex when I don't want to give it or know he won't be able. Then when I gently say no, he says he has to ask "her" (one of many "other" women he imagines cares for him-all me, of course). How do you deal with this? I've tried joking, looking him in the eye and explaining there are no other women and that I've said no. (This besides the fact that sex really isn't any fun with him any more, as he isn't capable of really doing any of it on his own. I try to be nice, tho, and hope I'll get some leftovers.) I do worry he might say something to the evening caregiver we have in to help sometimes, tho I suppose she's heard it all. Anybody had experience, and solutions, or just keep saying no?


Sun Jan 15, 2012 2:02 am
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Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:07 pm
Posts: 1039
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Has there been a change in any of his medications recently?

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Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Sun Jan 15, 2012 4:01 am
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Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Kathy, When Frank was a couple years into LBD, he wanted sex every night, this went on for many months. It was like his evening medicine. He was bed ridden for about 6 weeks before he passed away but up until then there were occasions when he would want to have sex. I did all his personal care, so it was obvious. I did love him and felt he had been handed this cruel disease so if this gave him any kind of pleasure, I took care of it for him. This was about the only time his emotions came back and he would try to hold me and tell me he loved me. I'm not sure he even knew who I was, but I knew I married him 49 years ago and that was enough for me. It's not easy and everyone has to handle this in their own way, good luck, I don't think many would agree with my way. Fondly, Gerry

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Gerry 67, cared for Frank 71, married 49 yrs; dx 2004, passed away October 26, 2011.


Sun Jan 15, 2012 8:53 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Me, too, Gerry. I did what I could as long as possible.

Levodopa can increase libido, too.

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:33 am
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
The most likely culprit is Requip or Mirapex. A fairly common side effect is obsession (with sex, gambling, shopping, whatever).

I'd suggest speaking with your husband's neurologist ASAP.

I know of one woman who hired a prostitute for her husband. One problem with that was the prostitute asked the husband for $20K for a business venture, and he wrote a check.

Another woman purchased a bunch of paraphernalia for her husband, including some magazines. It seems he was able to entertain himself for quite a long time with this equipment.

Of course telling your husband that there are no other women around won't work (as he has no insight into his delusion). Maybe you can say "later, if I'm not too sleepy" or something that might make him forget?


Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:48 pm
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Thanks for all the input. He's not on any new meds, tho tweaking his dose of Depakote lately. Good to know about other meds being a concern. (Need to email the psychiatrist anyway about LOs response to that med change, so will ask.) I'm okay with helping him out, except I have arthritis in my hands and now knee problems, so it becomes painful for me. I hate to think of this as a chore that I dread, as we used to have such a great sex life, but I suppose I can just think of this as a transition and do what I can. My concern about his asking other women still remains, tho I don't think he's ever done this YET.


Sun Jan 15, 2012 2:04 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3316
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Kathy - if you are comfortable with the idea, can you give a brief warning to other women caregivers or people visiting whom you think he is likely to "proposition" or talk about his wanting to have sex with them, so they don't freak out if it happens? Are you in a local support group where you might ask others how they deal with this situation? It might be difficult in front of a large group, but if you are in a support group and know some of the people there that you could speak with discreetly, that might be of help.
Maybe a little white lie, if you're comfortable with the idea, might be to say "the dr. thinks sex isn't a good idea because of the meds you are on" or something like that?
Good luck! Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sun Jan 15, 2012 3:43 pm
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Yes, I could warn the one female caregiver we have, but as I said, she's probably heard such things before. I was in an Alzheimer's support group but besides getting me hooked up with some agencies and daycare, didn't feel a lot of support. (LBD is NOT AD, and their LOs were all going into institutions, so not the same.) No LBD groups around here. Thanks, tho!


Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:37 pm
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Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:28 pm
Posts: 718
Location: LA
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Dear Kathy, I have waited this long to speak up, thinking I could have been wrong about the cause of similar things happening with my dear 90 yr. old husband but when you mention Depacote, I cannot refrain from speaking to this issue. The only time I was faced with a similar situation was when he had been in Senior Care with the idea of having his medicines adjusted. When I brought him home he was on several new prescriptions. Depacote was one of those. After dropping that particular drug, the sexual behavior changed back to normal.

Could it have been causing that? I will never know, however, I felt compelled to let you know how it was with us.

Dorthea

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"See this lady, she's 85, but she's nice"


Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:23 am
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Thanks Dorthea-interesting coincidence! So far it's not really obnoxious behavior, but I'll ask the psychiatrist.


Mon Jan 16, 2012 2:08 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
I was looking for an article for a local support group member and ran across this fact sheet on gambling, sex, and PD...

http://www.pdf.org/pdf/fs_impulse_contr ... aub_11.pdf

It makes the point that all of these obsessive behaviors are linked to PD medications (Requip, Mirapex, Sinemet, and amantadine).


Mon Jan 16, 2012 6:50 pm
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2011 1:42 pm
Posts: 108
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Wow - this is fascinating! My mother is on a "low" phase right now, but about a month ago she was manic high and one of the things she was obsessed about was having sex. She wanted sex so badly that one of the home health people that we have had to hire to help with her care (even though she is in assisted living), asked me if she could "hire" someone for her. My mother had her home health care giver take her out shopping and she bought several extremely short dresses out of the junior's section. I was rather appalled by the whole thing (but I am a bit of a prude about these things). She is taking sinemet, stalevo, seraquil, and she was on exelon (which we had her taken off of). I wonder if the drugs have been what has influenced this. I also know that these behaviors go with bi-polar (and my mother is bi-polar). I, of course, keep wondering about the relationship between Parkinson's/DLB, ADHD/ADD, and bi-polar disorder. They just seem to all go together for my mother.

Liz


Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:04 am
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Wanting sex-from anyone
Yeah, unless you're in some kind of drug study where people on a placebo act the same way if they have dementia, who knows? Is it the disease, is it the meds? some of each??


Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:48 pm
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