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 work or not 
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
Posts: 355
Post work or not
Hi everyone, I am looking for your advice. I have been offered a part-time job (working in a deli) but I don't know whether to take it or not. My husband has been out of work since last August and we are finding it very difficult financially. With Dad in the nursing home, there is not as much caring to be done for my mother. She can still make it to the commode herself and we are having meals delivered to her every other day. It would be a very long, lonely day for her there on her own in bed. My conscience is warring with my need to get some money coming in again. I hate the thoughts of not calling all the time like I do now, but it is becoming worse at home and we really need the money. She understands and has no problem with my taking a job, and Dad is comfortable ( not happy, but well looked after). I know I need this job - will it be too much physically on me trying to juggle caring and working, albeit part-time? I will still be doing school runs and all that goes with it, as we don't have the money to put diesel in my husband's van. HELP! I can't help feeling like I am abandoning them both. Any advice gratefully received,
Ger xx

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:46 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2011 10:22 pm
Posts: 187
Location: Portland, Or
Post Re: work or not
Take the Job, Ger! If you need the money and your parents are both being taken care of, I think you should take the job. You have to weigh all the pros and cons, of course, but it sounds like it will benefit your family to do so.
Ellen

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Ellen 59, caregiver for mom Marion 81,dx LBD Feb 2011


Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:54 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: work or not
Ger,
I'd take the part-time job and see how it goes. Hopefully you'll be able to do the juggling act. As to the guilt, perhaps you would feel better about it if you thought that your parents would want you to get a job to help your family.
Robin


Thu Dec 15, 2011 1:56 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3125
Location: Vermont
Post Re: work or not
I'm with Robin and Ellen on this. If your own family needs the money and you have the opportunity to earn some money, by all means I think you need to support yourself, your husband and kids. If your husband is not working, can he help with some of your tasks, like checking on your parents and household/children responsibilities? I don't think your parents would want your family to suffer economically because of them. I know mine wouldn't have wanted that if we were in a similar situation. Try to turn off that CG guilty conscience voice in your head! I know it's hard to do! And congrats on landing a job. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:50 pm
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 317
Location: southern cali
Post Re: work or not
i agree.. take the job.. worse case it doesnt work and you might need to rethink something.. but getting away, a few hours a day, could be just what you need... on many levels..

good luck!!
cindi

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sole CG for hubby.1st symptoms, 2000, at 55. Diag with AD at 62, LB at 64.. vietnam vet..100% ptsd disability,sprayed with agent orange, which doubled chances for dementia. ER visit 1-14,released to memory care..


Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:03 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
Posts: 355
Post Re: work or not
thanks for all your replies - I know what ye say is true. Like you say Lynn, I have to try to switch off the caregiver guillt. After 10 years of caregiving, its a big change to put my own needs first.
My parents are too far away, and we need the car to collect the children also, but we only have one car. Hubby will help out at home - hes good at burning the spuds :P Really, hes very good and does his best. My biggest obstacle is me, and that caregiver conscience. I guess after a few weeks we'll settle into a new routine. Thanks again,
Ger x

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:06 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3125
Location: Vermont
Post Re: work or not
And Ger, it sounds like it's not just your needs - your kids and husband need that job too if you don't have other financial resources. Your parents would be proud you were helping out your family, I'm willing to bet! Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:53 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3179
Location: WA
Post Re: work or not
I think you answered your own question in your post and of course, as we all do, you would like some reassurance. You certainly have mine! Not only do you need the money but you need the engagement with the real world. Nothing to feel guilty about. God knows, you've done all anyone can do! Hope it works out OK for you! God bless!

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Thu Dec 15, 2011 5:15 pm
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