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 Moved my mom to assisted living today 
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3173
Location: WA
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
No, please don't add feeding your father to your list of shoulds! He's a grown man, is he not? He is not disabled or suffering from dementia, is he? Options for meals are available to him. There are some things you have to let go. Save your strength and your resources--you will surely need them later. God bless!!

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Wed Nov 09, 2011 10:07 pm
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 317
Location: southern cali
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
thinking out loud here.. but out here they have a assisted living places where they also can have spouses, live as well.. the more seriously ill spouse made need to be in the nursing area, but the other spouse can live in his or her apt and be in the same over all building.. the food is provided and your dad would be closer.. just walk away from your mom..

pricing is a bit tricky.. they have some that have that you buy in ,like the cost of a house and then small monthly fees there after... and others there are just monthly fees that are a bit higher.. dont know if there is something like that in their town,.. but might be worth checking into...

good luck.. and dont forget to take care of you, too~~
cindi

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sole CG for hubby.1st symptoms, 2000, at 55. Diag with AD at 62, LB at 64.. vietnam vet..100% ptsd disability,sprayed with agent orange, which doubled chances for dementia. ER visit 1-14,released to memory care..


Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:23 pm
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Joined: Fri May 28, 2010 4:46 pm
Posts: 119
Location: Salem, Oregon
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
His pride is getting in the way of taking advantage of services for senior citizens. He has a physical condition that would allow him to have a handicapped parking permit, but he avoids using it even when Mom is with him. He says to use things like that is "admitting defeat." He did mention a few days ago that he probably won't be in his house much longer. I think his plans are to move to an apartment, not necessarily for senior citizens, though. If we didn't have stairs, we'd ask him to move in with us. He wouldn't accept, though. I recently asked him to move in just through the holidays, and he declined.


Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:21 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 463
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
This is just a thought. But if he is physically fit for doing this, I wonder if volunteering at a program that serves meals to seniors or the homeless or other groups might help him. Doing something like this might ease his depression, make him feel less lonely and more useful and take his mind off of his immediate concerns. Volunteers for these programs often eat the same meal with the guests or as a group before or after serving the meal, which would be a good, solid and well-balanced meal.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue Nov 15, 2011 9:30 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3173
Location: WA
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
That's a good idea, Kate. I think he is going through a grieving process and it's something he needs to work through on his own and he may resent the implication that he's incapable of taking care of himself. Men have a lot of pride about these things. It would be great if he were to take a meal a day at the facility. Maybe if it were pointed out that she would feel more 'at home' if he ate with her, he might be more inclined.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Tue Nov 15, 2011 10:59 am
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Joined: Fri May 28, 2010 4:46 pm
Posts: 119
Location: Salem, Oregon
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
Both good ideas. I'll try again. I'll point out that I've eaten several meals with her for that very reason. He might be able to volunteer somewhere if he doesn't have to stand or walk very long. He was doing a lot of volunteer work at church but had to give it up because of Mom's increased needs when she was still at home. I could suggest that he start doing that again now that she's in a place.


Tue Nov 15, 2011 12:42 pm
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Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
Wouldn't he take meals with your mom for her sake? I ate supper with my husband and, when later he needed help with getting the food to his mouth, I also did that. It actually freed up an aide who otherwise would have been doing that. Gourmet? No. But free, including the glass of wine and I felt it was a good thing to do.


Tue Nov 15, 2011 12:51 pm
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Joined: Fri May 28, 2010 4:46 pm
Posts: 119
Location: Salem, Oregon
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
He'll sit next to her and help her as needed, but he doesn't have food of his own in front of him. I can't figure out his reluctance to eat with her. I think part of it may be the fear that a visitor will assume he's a resident. He dreads getting Alzheimers (his mother and sister both had it), so think subconciously at least, he wants to avoid doing anything that might open the door to his identification as a dementia patient. I did talk with him at length last night again. He's lonely, depressed, and overwhelmed. He talked about moving Mom to another facility again because he's frustrated with the bookkeeping. The manager was able to explain it all, but that didn't satisfy him. He thinks another facility might be less expensive. He's also frustrated because things we've provided for her keep disappearing: toiletries, a blanket, Depends, etc. I think it must be very difficult to keep track of what belongs to whom (her name is on all her clothing and other than socks, I don't think she's lost clothing), and that there's likely a logical explanation for much of the missing items (i.e. the shower team took the shampoo to use on another resident, not realizing it was her personal item, for example). I pointed out that Mom was well cared for where she is and that moving her may cause a permanent setback. I also said that while another facility might give us a lower quote to get her in there, they could raise their prices as Mom's needs increase, and he could end up paying about the same anyway. He refuses to patronize several businesses in town because he wasn't happy with their customer service one time, and I said that was fine for him to do that until it affects Mom's well-being. I offered to take over all communication about the billing with the manager if it was too stressful for him.


Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:16 pm
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Joined: Mon Sep 30, 2013 11:16 pm
Posts: 20
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
Very sorry. I did not realize the post I saw on cyclic vomiting was old. My attention to detail is reduced. Best wishes with your mum.


Sun Nov 17, 2013 7:50 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3113
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
Hi - her mom died in June 2012. You can see at the top of each post when it was made, so you know if you are responding to something old or something recent. Glad you are reading through the posts. There's lots of good info. on here. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sun Nov 17, 2013 8:12 pm
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Joined: Sat May 25, 2013 3:53 pm
Posts: 157
Post Re: Moved my mom to assisted living today
Hi, I would remind your Dad that he won't get any younger and all the stress and caregiving will wear him out really fast. Once he gets used to the nursing home, he can come and go as he's up to it. Tell him he needs to take care of himself or he won't be able to care for your Mom. And I agree that any change for your Mom will make everything worse - at least for a while. LBD provides enough changes in and of itself!

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Gail, Forum Moderator & daughter of Doris who passed away Dec. 2010 after living with LBD for 7 years.


Tue Nov 19, 2013 2:17 am
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