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 Retirement 
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Retirement
On November 8, 2011, I will be retiring after working for 22 years. I have a wonderful support group in my children. They all live close, 2 sons and a daughter. They all 3 have constant contact with me and their father. One of my sons is my husband's main caregiver. He is doing this because he wants to, not because he needs to do this. So, here is my question/problem. When I retire, my son will still come 2 or 3 days a week. My daughter and other son plan to come over and visit, also. We all get along so well that I love to spend time with them when they are here. There is not much, other than errands, that I need to do when my kids are here. I do not consider errands respite. I know that I need to get away from my responsibilities. Never have been much into doing stuff alone, always had my husband. I have friends outside of work, but they are just friends, not close ones. :|

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Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:22 pm
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Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: Retirement
Kate:

Hope this isn't too blunt, but you will be a widow sooner or later. You cannot then depend upon, nor should you ask, your children to provide for your lifestyle--they have lives to live. You don't know how soon this will play out, so please take some foundation steps now so that you will not be left after the funeral saying "What do I do now?" My husband died less than 2 months ago, but as someone without children, I have for some years now (since Lewy started taking away "our" life), gotten involved in various things of interest to me, anticipating the future by myself. I'm 71.

Gail


Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:41 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Retirement
Hi, Katie,

What to do when I finally have time to do it is something that worries me, too. I've got a good half dozen years before I can retire, but I've been thinking about it, eagerly if with a bit of worry.

How about taking some classes or a workshop? How about something through Elderhostel? Something like this could get you in touch with others who have similar interests or curiosities - and take your mind off Lewy.

This is your opportunity for YOU! Go out and get it!

Congrats on the retirement. I hope you do find a way to enjoy it - just for yourself.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Sun Oct 02, 2011 9:48 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3395
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Retirement
When I was getting divorced and had 2 young children, I got a little antsy & depressed thinking about what I was going to do when the kids were with their dad. I sat down and wrote about a 2 or 3 page, single spaced list of all the things I've wanted to do but never get done because "I didn't have the time." Well, I was going to have some time on my hands. 15 years later I think I've still gotten only part way down the first page. I've always had many hobbies and interests, and although I am remarried, my husband and I have many activities that don't involve one another. We have our together time, our time with our friends and time to ourselves.
Sit down and make a list of all those things you've ever wanted to do, learn about, get involved in and get out there!
Are you artistic? Have you ever wanted to make art? I believe you live not far from Rehoboth and the Rehoboth Art League has many classes, show openings and other functions, and there are a lot of nice people you'll meet there.
Is community service something you've wanted to do? Helping out at schools, soup kitchens, hospitals, etc. is a great use of time and you'll meet interesting people there too.
Are there outing clubs, garden clubs, birding clubs, card groups or other types of organizations in Salisbury, Seaford, Ocean City or other places near where you live? There are several colleges in or near lower Delaware and they often have performances, lectures and other interesting activities besides an array of classes you can take. (Salisbury U, Del Tech, Del State, etc.)
Do you like to travel? Going on a trip to another part of the country or to another country with a group or to an all-inclusive resort is always a fun thing to do and requires little planning on your part. Go see your local travel agent and pick up some travel brochures - it's a big, interesting world out there!
Just brainstorming and researching some of these things may lift your spirits and get your mind off the anxiety of CGing and seeing your LO in their current state, at least for a little while. Good luck! Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Oct 03, 2011 8:39 am
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Retirement
Gail, you aren't being to blunt. Thank you. I appreciate what you said. Kind of like a kick in the butt to get busy and stop feeling sorry for myself. I am only 62. Every time I re-read your message, it hits home more. Thanks!
Lynn & Kate, what great ideas. I have wanted to do quite a few of these, but have forgotten over time. Thanks for the reminder. I will start on my list today. Yeah, there are so many things I would like to do. I can make quite a list. Thanks, girls! I appreciate you!

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Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Mon Oct 03, 2011 9:59 am
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 317
Location: southern cali
Post Re: Retirement
like the gals said above.. just put one foot in front of the other. my hubby was a workaholic.. and even tho i worked myself i found i was home alone a lot and missed having just some relaxing fun..
started with a tole painting class, then moved to watercolors.. and once i got to know a few of the ladies there, one thing led to another and i could've been busy every day of the week.. same with a line dancing class i took for exercise.. met few ladies and they knew a few other classes and a couple trips out of town to occasional festivals, where there were dances taught for three days, all day till late night . that was 15 years ago and both those hobbys and those same wonderful friends are helping me to stay sane today, as we go thru the lewy body roller coaster.. dont have the family to help as you do, so the dancing is rough to still get to often.. but the painting can be done at any time here.. and is like mini vacation..

good luck!!! have fun trying new things !!!

cindi

_________________
sole CG for hubby.1st symptoms, 2000, at 55. Diag with AD at 62, LB at 64.. vietnam vet..100% ptsd disability,sprayed with agent orange, which doubled chances for dementia. ER visit 11-13,released to memory care..


Mon Oct 03, 2011 10:57 am
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Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: Retirement
I was never the energetic type of person get involved in community things, volunteering, etc. But I did start to volunteer with a small, local charity that has become an important part of my life. I'm not mentioning the type because I want to make a generic point here, that you don't have to be the volunteering, extravert type to go this route. This community of people has enriched my life. Important aspects would be--some cause you can be passionate about, small and local, and do something hands-on that is fun/interesting instead of just the thankless stuff like fundraising that still has to be done.


Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:57 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3395
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Retirement
One of the women I met at a CG class a year ago has what I think is a great volunteer job. She works with the visiting nurses assoc. and helps parents of multiple births. I think she is assigned a particular family with twins and she goes and feeds babies, rocks them, does whatever so the mom can either sleep, take care of the other one, do household chores. She finds it very uplifting since her main "job" now is caring for her 90-something mother who has AD. Taking care of a new young life is very energizing for her. I've thought about doing it myself but I'm too busy with my other retirement interests right now! Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:37 pm
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Retirement
Well, I have started my bucket list. It is amazing the things I wanted to do and had forgotten about. I am looking forward to starting it. Some of it, I can start to put in motion, but a lot of it will have to wait. But not for long! Thanks to all of you, I am really looking forward to my retirement. It is not as scary. Thanks so much.

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Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:34 pm
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Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: Retirement
Good.

Believe me, nothing would delight your children as much as a happy, independent, and active mother engaged in rewarding and fun activities with new friends.


Tue Oct 04, 2011 9:44 pm
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Retirement
Good News! First of all, I only have 18 days till I retire! Second, I have started reaching out to others to help. That was hard, but only at first. A friend from church came over and stayed with Ron for a couple of hours on Tuesday. They both had a great time! Then, I realized that was the first visitor Ron had for months, other than family. So, I called up a close friend in the men's fellowship. He will have more company this Tuesday! That is so good. Ron may not participate in the conversation much, gets confused, but he loves company. Ron knows the men coming over so I think he will jump right in on the conversation. And if not, they will understand. Tomorrow, I am going to call a friend to see about volunteering at the local hospital. I have wanted to do that for years!. This weekend, I am going to get my grandchildren to help me plant a ton of daffodills for next spring. I have areas where it will be safe for mass plantings. And as mentioned, my children are thrilled that I am reaching out for help. It is a win/win situation. I know there will be rough times, always are no matter what you do, but thanks to wonderful friends on this site, there will be many more good times. Thanks!

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Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Oct 13, 2011 4:41 am
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 317
Location: southern cali
Post Re: Retirement
good for you katie... ENJOY!!!!

_________________
sole CG for hubby.1st symptoms, 2000, at 55. Diag with AD at 62, LB at 64.. vietnam vet..100% ptsd disability,sprayed with agent orange, which doubled chances for dementia. ER visit 11-13,released to memory care..


Thu Oct 13, 2011 9:43 am
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Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:07 pm
Posts: 1039
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Retirement
Way to go, Katie!

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Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:06 pm
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Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Retirement
I have always loved volunteering at the hospital. Haven't done it since I was a teenager. Today, I made plans to start the process on the 15th of Nov. YEA, me! I love reading on the beach. We are about 20 minutes from Rehobeth Beach. I bought a high rise beach chair. That, along with my Kindle, is my plan for the first few days. Thanks to the great advice, it has changed my outlook and I am really looking forward to retirement. I will get to spend time with my husband AND spend time with myself. Well, that is what I plan starting November 4. 8)

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Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:06 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:04 pm
Posts: 251
Post Re: Retirement
Enjoy yourself as much as possible Kate! Congratulations on your retirement!

_________________
First symptoms in 2000 at 35 yrs old. LBD early onset dx 2-17-2011 at age 46.

' "I try not to worry about the future, but rather to "wonder"....and "wonder" is one step away from "awe" '......From a wise friend........


Wed Nov 02, 2011 10:12 am
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