View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Tue Jul 29, 2014 7:40 pm



Reply to topic  [ 33 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
 Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia) 
Author Message

Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
Please check out this article on line. It is an interview with Pat Robinson (700 Club) and his opinion that it is alright to divorce someone with Altzheimers (dementia)! My husband has Lewy Body. I am so very offended by this article. How can anyone say such a thing? Ron was diagnosed with dementia about 10 years ago and recently with Lewy Body. We have spent 42 years together, 3 children and 6 grandchildren. How could I get rid of him just because part of him doesn't work? What if he had his leg amputated? Well, should I get rid of him then? I am just so upset over this. It seems like a personal attack on me and my husband.

_________________
Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 9:12 am
Profile

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
I will read the article but would feel as you do. 49 years ago we said for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Well we had the better and the health, and very thankful for that, but my love for Frank will help me thru this Lewy life, even through the love may seem one sided, I remember the love and respect that we both shared.

_________________
Gerry 67, cared for Frank 71, married 49 yrs; dx 2004, passed away October 26, 2011.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 9:25 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
Gerry, Let me know what you think of the article.

_________________
Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 9:44 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3315
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
Where's the link to the article?
Also, consider the source - anyone can publish anything, it doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, so just ignore it.

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:00 am
Profile

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
I thought his name was Robertson--or am I thinking of someone else?

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:27 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
Whoops! You are right. It is Robertson.

_________________
Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:01 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:07 pm
Posts: 1039
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
I breifly considered divorcing Coy. I would have continued in exactly the same role I have now, but it might have protected my future retirement. We have such "family values" laws -- not. I have young family members who are raising families without bothering to get married. And you know? I don't really blame them. They don't have religious views that make what they are doing wrong, and they can arrange benefits like covering each other with their work insurance, etc. But they don't have the liabilities of marriage.

But no, I would never consider a true divorce. My SIL has stuck by my brother since we was disabled in an accident. My cousin has stuck by his wife since she was diagnosed with a rare degenerative disease. I guess I just don't have any role models for abandoning ship.

Where is the article?

_________________
Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:11 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
JeanneG, OK. I can understand your thinking about divorcing and yes, our children are living together, raising families and not getting married. Don't agree, but it is their choice. Anyway, I did a Google search for Pat Robertson and Altzheimer's. It came up and there it was. Jeanne, have a wonderful day. If you make the choice, that is one thing. For a person who has Pat Robertson's stature and influence, that is totally another thing.

_________________
Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:23 am
Profile

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
My sister thinks I'm 'nuts' for not divorcing Derek to protect my share of the assets and that she would divorce her husband 'in a heartbeat', that it's 'only a piece of paper' and wouldn't change our relationship. She just doesn't get it. As someone else has stated, my vow to him included 'for better, for worse' and 'in sickness and in health'. It means something to me--a lot more than just a piece of paper.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:41 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
Pat, that is a hard decision to make and one that everyone needs to decide for themself. Have you talked to a lawyer? It might help. To be honest, I have not even thought of that. I am fortunate that my children will not fight me on anything. Our problem will be with the state. I think I need to get one done. I already have durable power of attorney. That makes things easier. Have a wonderful day, Pat.

_________________
Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:48 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3315
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
"For a person who has Pat Robertson's stature and influence, that is totally another thing."
A person can only have stature and influence if we allow them to. Whatever he says has absolutely no power over anyone unless they allow it. And my question would be "why would anyone care what he thinks?"

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:22 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 317
Location: southern cali
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
i think, the new laws have stopped the benefit of divorcing to protect the well spouses savings.. there is a look back law of 5 years and if its done with in the 5 year period of the time medicare or other services are needed, its not recognized by medicare etc..... since i was a re broker for 35 years it is something hubby and talked about at different times.. as i saw many folks go to almost bankruptcy, after the other spouse got ill.. we had decided to divorce in name only, so there would be a bit of financial stability for the one left... when we went to the attorney, after getting this diagnoses, we were told that the estate planning would be a better option, at least in this state..so that is what we did...

as far as choices made when you are in this situation.. i think everyone needs to do what is best for them and their spouse... and or family member...there are many different reason for choosing the divorce route.. financial if it works, the health of the caregiver, not everyone is an appropriate caregiver... etc etc and for the ill spouse.. the caregiver being so frustrated or angry that they would be better off with someone that would treat them better , than an angry, impatient spouse or family member that doesnt want to be there.. that caregiver might do better in helping with decisions, visiting and helping financially , running errands etc.... or might not be capable of doing anything. ...... not all marriages are the best and some are hanging by a thread, prior to this diagnoses... and this might be the thing that takes them over the edge... this is a difficult position no matter what you choose and even tho you have the best intentions in the beginning.. things change..

reality is, i dont think this is a one size fits all decision.. or one that is easy no matter what the choice is... both are extremely tough... jmho

the article is on aol this morning, but not sure how many of you belong to aol...
cindi

_________________
sole CG for hubby.1st symptoms, 2000, at 55. Diag with AD at 62, LB at 64.. vietnam vet..100% ptsd disability,sprayed with agent orange, which doubled chances for dementia. ER visit 11-13,released to memory care..


Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:48 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:22 am
Posts: 42
Location: Delaware
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
cdw - My brother is an estate planning lawyer and you are correct about the look back law. We are considering getting rid of everything to our children. That way, there will be no problem for their inheritance and if Ron needs to have further care. BUT, we are still responsible for everything for 5 years. I completely agree with you that everyone needs to make this decision for themself. My problem is that, for many people, Pat Robertson is a man of God and speaks His words. Doesn't matter if you believe it or not, many do and will think it is alright because he said so. Not because they made the proper decision regarding their own situation. And he just says that it is alright to divorce - blanket statement. It is not a blanket problem. It is a complicated and heart wrenching problem with many twists and turns. I am fortunate that I know our answer. It will not be an easy road, but none of them are in this case.

_________________
Katie, married to the love of my life on June 14, 1969.


Thu Sep 15, 2011 1:06 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:07 pm
Posts: 1039
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
Pat, I take my vows very seriously, too. And the legal status of my marriage would not impact them one iota. If I did divorce for technicality only, it would not change my upholding the vows. (It is not going to happen, but it is one of the things I did consider.)

One of our local CG groups was the domestic partner of a woman somewhat older than him. They kept their finances fairly separate so when she developed lbd he was pretty timid about "interfering" but she was depleting her resources rapidly on scams, etc. and we all urged him to take over. She declined very rapidly, and died about 2 years after diagnosis. He was an amazing caregiver! He could not have been more committed to her care if they had a dozen legal papers binding them. He was with her right through hospice. It was awesome to see. And now that is behind him (although the experience will always be a part of him), and he isn't facing the future with his own savings and retirement funds depleted.

I don't think I'll ever marry again. Too cynical about the institution and the "family values" that support it. But I would consider living in a committed relationship, if the opportunity arose.

_________________
Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:03 pm
Profile

Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: Pat Robinson and Altzheimers (Dementia)
I guess everyone is entitled to their own thoughts but for me I couldn't consider divorce because of an illness of a spouse, I believe we are each given just what we can handle and yes the shoulders slump a bit but we handle it, my husband is gone almost 6 yrs and I am still appalled that SS considers me not married, this was actually a shock to my whole system as far as I am concerned I am still married, no I don't wear a wedding band and I am almost certain I will never remarry, once was enough for me, I had a good marriage and my luck I would end up with someone sick and needing care and I am certain I couldn't do it again ! Just my .02 worth !

_________________
Irene Selak


Thu Sep 15, 2011 4:17 pm
Profile WWW
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 33 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
Localized by Maël Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr