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 We are so lost. 
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Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2011 1:11 pm
Posts: 27
Location: Michigan
Post Re: We are so lost.
I really have nothing to add to what's been said, but I'm in the middle of it now, too. Most days my husband is still fairly good, but there are other days when he can't move, and I can't push or shove him into position. Usually I can call a sibling, but at 3:30 this morning I thought I'd lose it. Looking at facility and in-home options, but they are all costly. Thank God the best things in life are free...but a few little luxuries sure are nice. And I pray for some type of national health insurance. If something happens to him and I lose his insurance, I'm toast because of my preexisting.

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Wife of a 60-year-old LBD patient who was diagnosed in 2003.


Tue Aug 30, 2011 4:47 pm
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Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:07 pm
Posts: 1039
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: We are so lost.
Debry, I know that you've been at this a few years. Have you had the guidance of a social worker, to know all about programs that he or you might qualify for? How about Medicaid?

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Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:40 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: We are so lost.
And Debry,

An important thing to remember is even if you don't think you qualify for Medicaid right now, there may be other help available to you. And it is wise to start the Medicaid application as early as you can. As I've said, Mom's took 6 months to go through and she was pretty much guaranteed benefits. Mom's county social worker, the one we had before the SNF, advised us to start much earlier than I did, and then I had to hussle to get something in quickly. Do it while you can take the time.

And, Debry and Jamie. I forgot to mention putting money into a prepaid funeral fund. I know that just feels wrong. It felt wrong to me, too. But a prepaid funeral fund is a legitimate thing to place your LO's money in, as far as Medicaid or any other service is concerned. And a funeral can cost anywhere from 6 to 10 thousand dollars! Jamie, your Dad could do this for both your Mom and for himself. If he has what Medicaid considers too much in assets right now, that's a quick way to lower them. The only thing is, once the money is in a prepaid funeral plan, you can't get it back. You can transfer it to another funeral home, but you can't get money back. But I figured that the county would get whatever was left to Mom anyway, so there was no point in worrying about getting the "change" from her funeral, when that takes place. Either way, it's gone.

And now I don't have to worry about coming up with the money for a respectable funeral, as my Mom and her siblings did when their mother passed back in the 1980s.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue Aug 30, 2011 11:11 pm
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Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:07 pm
Posts: 1039
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: We are so lost.
Prepaid funerals make a lot of sense. My mother didn't flinch at that.

We have a hard time getting Ma to spend any money. I took her to buy new sheets at Penney's and she went into sticker shock. She wanted to buy the cheapest muslin set. It was all I could do to move her up a notch or two. (Then a couple times of year my sisters have to figure out how to spend her money down some more.) Going home from that shopping excursion I asked her what she was saving her money for. She said, "What if I have to go to the hospital?" Ma, don't you remember you pay every month for insurance? "Well, then I guess it is for a casket." Ma! You want to be cremated and it is all prepaid! You don't even have that excuse. You deserve a nice set of sheets every decade, and even, gasp, to have new clothes now and then. :P

Her income is very limited, but her wants are even more limited. I would have expected the question to be how we could help her live on her small SS check, but it turns out to be how to keep her saving account from growing past the allowed limit. Geeze Ma, throw a family party in your building's community room!

I remember my grandmother being so worried about having enough money to be buried. She gave me some to "hide" for her and use when the time came. I am so glad seniors don't have to hide money anymore -- it is an accepted way to set money aside.

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Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:07 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3402
Location: Vermont
Post Re: We are so lost.
Your post about seniors hiding money made me laugh Jeanne. My dad stashed cash for years for his funeral and other expenses. He didn't need to, but it made him feel better knowing the cash was there in marked envelopes "Burial Expense". I think a lot of Depression Era folks did that! Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Wed Aug 31, 2011 9:37 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: We are so lost.
Yep. Mom started making pillowcases some years back. I could just barely stop her from making sheets. She was using whatever fabric came to hand. Not so comfy for the face. I remember grandma buying the cheapest white sheets, even back in the 80s. She decorated them by tatting lace for them. I wish she'd taught me how.

I guess it makes sense when I think of Mom's stories of how her mother made her kids slips and underwear out of old flour sacks and coats out of her old ones, cut up to get as much as possible out of them. I think anyone who lived through the depression learned to save in any way they can. I wish I had. It seems to have skipped a generation in our family.

(I always wondered, when Grandma sold the farm, if there might have been something stashed in the barn or chicken house that she'd forgotten.)

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:22 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3402
Location: Vermont
Post Re: We are so lost.
Kate - maybe you should get a metal detector and a cash detector and head out there! Wouldn't a cash detector be a great thing to have? LOL I have a relative who keeps cash wrapped in foil in the freezer! IMHO that is asking for trouble..... Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:42 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 3:53 pm
Posts: 40
Post Re: We are so lost.
Oh, I had to laugh - you all reminded me of my great-grandmother and how everyone discovered she had hidden money all over her house. It was a mess and kind of like a treasure hunt!

I've been traveling back and forth to Iowa and all over for work and I've just gotten home so my brain is a little sleepy but I'll try to cover everything.

Lynn, my parents are about 2 and a half hours from Easton now but I am getting married in Easton next year!! Definitely, any resources you have, you let me know!

Looking into long-term care insurance now is a good idea, I'll work that into our financial planning (mine and my fiance's). You never know what could happen to either of us, it's funny, people think to get life insurance but don't think of what everyone will do if they become ill or disabled.

Both of my parents want to be cremated and I know my mother wants to donate her body to science. I've already brought it up to my dad that I would like to have her brain autopsied. I kinda felt bad for being morbid but he understood why I feel very strongly about needing to know for sure what's happened to her.

Robin, we did talk to the lawyer about Medicaid and all the requirements. She was looking into my dad's finances and seeing what the situation would likely end up being. I'm not completely up to date on all the details but I'm hoping for the best. He did ask the lawyer if it would help at all if they were divorced but apparently it wouldn't do much good because my mom would still be entitled to half of the current and future earnings my dad would make. It's messy, apparently.

Should be moving back to Maryland in October but I've been calling some in-home caregivers to price them out and see if they might be a good fit. Hopefully I can find something that we can afford and who will take good care of my mom.

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Jamie - my 56 year old mom was diagnosed with LBD in January2010, moved to a special care unit in December2011.


Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:54 pm
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