Hi all,
I don't know if any of you remember I had spoken about moving Dad to a nursing home under a scheme called the Fair Deal here in Ireland. Well, the latest news is that my request has been turned down - the **** government spent the money allocated to this deal and now they are talking about trying to work it out, but in the meantime, any applications are on hold.
This deal was my only means of getting Dad placed in a nursing home, as we have no money to pay €1,000 a week for him. The deal would have meant that we could place him in a nursing home, the government would pay half of the costs and after my mother had passed, we could sell their house to pay the remaining costs.
The good news is that we have been granted a few extra hours of home help - 2 1/2 a week - half an hour a day, which doesn't sound like much, but will help. I have also had a wet room installed that will make a huge difference to helping shower Dad and Mam. I am now resigned to the fact that there is nothing else I can do, but carry on as we are.
Ger

I'm so sorry Ger. NH costs are staggering everywhere, aren't they? I'm glad you have at least some help - any amount of time you get is an improvement and I'm sure much appreciated by you and the rest of your family. Hang in there. Hugs, Lynn

Ger, I am sorry for your predicament. Would it be possible to get a reverse mortgage on their home, which allows the spouse to live in the house until death but frees up the equity in the house? No payments. That might be a possibility for us when we run out of savings. Derek's NH costs $7,200/month and we even have to pay extra for gloves and other supplies as well as medications, of course [I'm surprised they aren't adding the cost of toilet paper and paper towels to our bill!]. Glad you at least are getting some extra help.

Ger,
Sorry for the turn of events and that the help you hoped won't be available to you after all, Don't give up hope just yet.Excellent suggestion from Pat about reverse mortgage, I hope it will be something you will be able to consider !

If I had to cover Mom's costs, it would be about $9000/month. But I also don't have to buy gloves. After six months, I finally got Mom's Medicaid (medical assistance) application through. The nursing home has been kind enough to wait for all of this to happen. Luckily, the benefit is retroactive to the date she moved in. Now, Mom is allowed enough of her Social Security check to cover the cost of her supplemental insurance and Part D (pharmacy) coverage. Then, she ends up with $83.00/month "mad money." For the first time in a long time, I'm grateful to live where I live.

Ger, I really hoped you would be able to get a similar benefit. I'm so sorry it didn't work out. Be careful about using the equity in your parent's home, or the full value for a reverse mortgage, if you can do it. Try to shelter half of the proceeds for your mom. It would be awful if, after finding a way to get your dad taken care of, you had nothing left for your mom.

Maybe you could lean a bit more on your siblings and ask them (with significant enthusiasm) to either take a day with your parents each week or contribute a reasonable sum of money. Even if they could come up with €50.00 a month - each - it would surely help. Is there some way to show them that this isn't just about your dad or you - it's your mom, too?

I wish you luck, or failing that, enough energy to make it through this. And maybe a bit more help from the family.

Kate

Oh Ger, that really stinks! I hope it is a temporary situation. I fear that when it comes time to balance budgets the social services tend to be handy targets. Heck, people with dementia don't vote anyway, right?

Hang in there!