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 I Did What My Husband Asked Me To Do Long Ago 
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Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:22 am
Posts: 75
Post I Did What My Husband Asked Me To Do Long Ago
I don't believe he ever really thought I would have to do it. After being married almost 32 years, we know what each one of us wants and does not want. We discussed it and decided instead of living wills, we would make each other our Durable Medical Power of Attorney. The day arrived when someone asked me about what if he had a cardiac arrest. I knew the answers and all his choices, but I allowed everyone to talk and advise me. They presented the papers and I told them he had already told me what to do long ago. I had promised to fulfill his wishes. And I did. I signed the DNR and Comfort Care Only orders. I then left and I have just not been the same.

I have a lump in my stomach...and a nagging something in my mind...something that I do not want to think too completely about, or I might just fall off the edge never to return. I feel like running away from home, ha ha. I guess it is some form of the "blues" mixed with a touch of guilt, and sprinkled with regret.

Lewy just keeps robbing us all.

_________________
~~Debra, 52, wife to Chris, 64 DX Vascular Dementia 9/10; Alz 10 or 11/2010; Pseudo Dementia 01/11; LBD in 03/11..Was at home until 4/29, 2011, now in a Alz fac./dementia unit.
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Tue May 10, 2011 1:55 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
Post Re: I Did What My Husband Asked Me To Do Long Ago
I know how you feel. I really, really do!

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Tue May 10, 2011 2:09 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: I Did What My Husband Asked Me To Do Long Ago
I hope it a comfort to know that you are doing what your husband would want and would do for himself if he were able, hard as it was for you.

I am glad that I had a good discussion with my mother long before her illness so I was confident that I was acting consistent with her wishes when I signed her DNR documents. But still it felt bad.

Yes, you are right, Lewy is a thief.

Julianne


Tue May 10, 2011 2:17 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
Posts: 355
Post Re: I Did What My Husband Asked Me To Do Long Ago
Debra,
my situation is so different to yours. You are both so young. It is your husband!!!

I care for Dad, who is almost 85. But let me tell you, I wish I had had this discussion with him (re DNR, comfort care only) I am torn assunder wondering what to do for HIS best.
You have done as CHRIS would have wished. I know that I am only an outsider, but from what I can see, you have kept all that he has wished in your heart and gone with that. It must be the most horrendous decision to make - my mind boggles.
My heart is aching for you, but you HAVE done the right thing. If the roles were reversed, what would you wish CHRIS to do?

God Bless, and I hope and pray that you find a way to come to terms with what ye both decided to do so long ago. It was so much easier back then when you thought it would never come to this! You know best - you knew him best, at his best !!!
God Bless,
Big hugs, Ger xxx

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Tue May 10, 2011 3:31 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: I Did What My Husband Asked Me To Do Long Ago
Debra,
None of these decisions are easy ! I think it helps to knows others are going through it too !

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Irene Selak


Tue May 10, 2011 5:43 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:22 am
Posts: 75
Post Re: I Did What My Husband Asked Me To Do Long Ago
It is good (and so very sad) to know you all "get it." I would not wish this on a biting dog. These feelings are just so surreal and so "haunting" to me. It is like I am going to wake up and realize this is a bad dream..or I am stuck in a book about this. Yet, as surreal as it is, it is real life. we are living proof this is what real living is about. These are the life and death situations we all have dreaded. We have shared every minute of 32 years...and we will share this for as long as the good Lord sees fit to keep us in this situation. It will work out for His good and for mine, sooner or later.

Thanks guys!

_________________
~~Debra, 52, wife to Chris, 64 DX Vascular Dementia 9/10; Alz 10 or 11/2010; Pseudo Dementia 01/11; LBD in 03/11..Was at home until 4/29, 2011, now in a Alz fac./dementia unit.
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Tue May 10, 2011 6:08 pm
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