I actually called hospice today to find out what they were all about. They said that they had nurses come in twice a week for less than an hour and make sure that she is getting the care that she needs. She is already in a nursing home, I am not sure the advantage to this.

If you don't understand, then I suggest you read up on hospice and ask more questions. It is a much different skill set, and knowledge and perspectives, that hospice brings to the table. Lynn explains part of it in her recent post but there is more to it. It is hard for me to understand your reluctance to obtain this additional help and support for your mother.

Julianne

Marie, since I am the minority voice here on whether it is time to call in hospice, I think I should echo Julianne's post. Hospice definitely has more to offer than the NH nurses, especially to family members. I saw what a comfort and help hospice was to my granddaughter as she was caring for her father dying of cancer in his home. I certainly plan to call in hospice when our time comes. If you are not real familiar with the hospice concept, perhaps more information about that would help you make up your mind about the timing.

I really did try to find out more information by calling my local hospice office. The woman I spoke with had very very little to offer in the way of information. I did ask questions, but I didn't seem to get much information. I will look on the internet and read more about it. My mother seemed worse today. I will probably give hospice a try within the week. Thank you everyone for your help and advise.

Can you ask the facility's social worker about a hospice agency recommendation? Can you ask any of the residents for hospice agency suggestions? At a local senior center? At your place of worship? Neighbors? Many people have a choice. If you do, speak with more than one agency by phone to see if you like another one better.

You are not in denial. I have been with 2 different hospice companies and have seen the benefits in both. They ARE there to help and do help. I take great comfort in their caring attitudes, but also have had to find the right "fit" with some of the staff at times. With our newest hospice place (switched due to contracts since the SNF doesn't work with our old one from when Ted was at home) it's a better fit. I feel a much better connection to the social worker (even though she's half my age and then some). They have been very proactive in communicating with me vice me having to contact them. I had two phone calls from the on-call nurse checking up on me and Ted while he was admitted this past week, for example.

In a different post, I commented how hospice still comes in to the facility and gives Ted assistance with cleaning up, showers when possible, shaving, etc 5 times a week - which was what we had with the first hospice contract at home. Ted even calls them his "private nurses". He and I are very appreciative of that little bit of extra one-on-one care that helps me help him and helps the facility nurses to take better care of his needs.

It's also another friendly face that visits just for him.

All of these help improve the quality of care and keeps him knowing that he's still very important and cared about. I take it as helping me take better care of him, not that I'm not able to do enough. They also care about how you're doing.

Each hospice company has gone out of their way to make sure we know they're there for the entire family--that Ted and all of us matter in this. You matter, as does your LO.