Lynn, it reminds me of when Derek was in the ICU in 1985 with a tracheostomy and feeding tube and he coughed a blood clot as big as a golf ball out of his trach and into my hand. I had to go searching for someone to help--I was afraid he would choke to death or bleed out. I was afraid to leave so I slept on the floor.

He was in ICU again in January 2009 and it was even worse for a 'don't care' attitude by the staff. You don't dare leave them. It's scary!

The hospital is the last resort, a few times I was questioning myself if it was in Frank's best interest to "just" watch to see if he comes out of it, whatever "it" is at that time. Last night he fell asleep, at 6:00, on the couch, I tried several times to wake him up before I went to bed and again at 1:00 and again when I got up at 4:30, he just grunts. There were 2 other occasions when this happened and it went on for so long I did call 911, this time I waiting, he's breathing and isn't in distress.

My oncologist told me that she and her husband agreed that the hospital is not a safe place to be. I think of that often, but there are times that we don't have a choice.

All the best to everyone on this journey.