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 Meltdown 
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Joined: Mon Sep 02, 2013 1:28 pm
Posts: 23
Post Meltdown
Last night we had another melt down. This seems to happen at least once a week. MIL came out and asked if hubby would stop on his way home from work today and pick her up some V05 to make her hair lay down in the back. I told her that i had some stuff that would work and brought it to her. She put some on her hair and apparently it didnt work the way she had wanted it to so she started grumbling. She then told me to give her scissors so she could just cut it off. i told her that would not be a good idea as it wouldnt look very good and she said she couldnt see it so it didnt matter. Hubby told her he would stop and get the VO5 tomorrow. she walked off to her room still grumbling. That was just the beginning of what was to come.
Fast forward to dinner time. She had told me the night before that she would like to have some chilli for dinner so that is hat i fixed. we all sat down to the table, she looked at the bowl of chilli and slammer her spoon on the table and said i cant eat that its too greasy. I told her if she didnt want to eat it that was fine. She likes her Chilli Cincinnati style with spaghetti noodles in it so that is the way i fixed it for her. (she lost her false teeth in the fire we had when she left a pan on the stove) When she doesnt want to eat something she uses that as an excuse not to eat it although when she did have her teeth she very rarely ever wore them. anyway she started to eat the chilli and then stopped and said i cant eat this spaghetti with no teeth. I asked her why and told her it was soft and it should be a problem then she got really mad and angry. i told her if she dint want the spaghetti in it i could get her a bowl without it. then she went off saying how we dont like her we dont want her here she was moving out. We hear this at least once a week. Is this typical of Lewy body. As i said these sorts of things happen with her once a week where she will get off on something and try to argue with someone mostly me, she trys to provoke an argument out of me a lot. How do you handle this? do you just ignore it or what?


Thu Sep 05, 2013 8:05 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Meltdown
Yes, it's very typical. But you will learn that you cannot reason with a LO with LBD. Sometimes one can redirect by changing the subject. This never worked for us because when my husband wanted conflict, he would just continue to escalate into violence. It may be related to fear and anger over their loss of control. Whatever the cause, it is difficult. I wish you well.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Thu Sep 05, 2013 11:15 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3432
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Meltdown
With LBD, rational and logical thinking is gone (sometimes it comes back for a short period). So, trying to rationalize with someone not capable of that type of thought process anymore will just get you very frustrated and her very angry. As Pat says, try to redirect, or somehow cut the conversation short by agreeing (if you can).

My dad got the same way about his favorite foods a few months before he died. I'd bring him homemade food, or go to a local restaurant and get his favorites and bring to him at the ALF. He'd take one bite and say something like "that tastes like s*&t so I'm not eating it." I'd just say "ok, then would you like..." and give him 1 or 2 choices of something I knew was available at the ALF, like grilled cheese, or an ice cream sandwich. Then he'd eat maybe 1 bite of one of those things. So, rather than get yourself all worked up, try to not react, give another choice of something that is EASY for you, and see if that works.

Remember, this is the disease talking, not your LO. They can't help it any more than if they'd been given a drug that made them behave totally differently and negatively. It's hard, but if you can try to not take these hurtful comments personally, get them to refocus on something else, offer another choice, hopefully it will be a little better.

There are many posts on this forum about redirecting and ideas for dealing with negative behaviors. You may find some other things that will help you in dealing with this very, very difficult journey. Good luck, come back often for support when you want to, Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Sep 05, 2013 5:07 pm
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Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:25 am
Posts: 14
Post Re: Meltdown
We have lived through a couple of "meltdowns". Some things that I am learning in counseling that are working. If you can, leave their presence. Walk to another room, walk outside, go for a short ride in the car (of course, if someone is there with them). I have even locked myself in the bathroom for sanity! Getting away for just a few minutes helps you rethink, regroup and deal with it. Sometimes, by the time I've gotten back to him, he has already forgotten what he did/said and I just forget it. If you can't leave, (like driving them in the car), if you can, take a detour. Stop at a convenience store, rest area, dollar store, any reason to "run right in" and take a break. You know it is true, if we are in the presence of others when we are angry, we "settle" down much quicker. (After all, I don't want to storm into the quick king cursing, crying and yelling "I'm gonna kill him" LOL) The new surroundings do help settle down our adrenalin and I have done this more times than I would like to admit. Also, DON'T ARGUE!!. IF she says she can't eat it because...................blah blah, then just say ok, leave it there for her and go on about your business like it never happened. She will either eat it or leave it. ? I have found sometimes, they just want to argue, and I do not play along anymore. I kiss my husband on the cheek, apologize for "letting him down" and I walk away. Gives both of us time to cool off and do better next time.
Best of luck to you. I also take care of my elderly father in law, wheelchair bound and his "dog from hell". So, I feel your pain regarding the relationships with in-laws.


Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:21 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Meltdown
Excellent advice, Terry. I locked myself in the bathroom many times. Leaving the room is probably the best overall way to handle explosions.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:04 am
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Joined: Wed Nov 13, 2013 3:04 pm
Posts: 45
Post Re: Meltdown
I agree with leaving their presence. My mom always loved the mall. When I took her in a wheelchair the last 3 times, she had a major meltdown...and I do mean MAJOR. She started blaming me for EVERYTHNG. All of this started before her LB began to progress to another stage. A few months later, she was way worse off. She is currently hospitalized with severe agitation for the 2nd time. I will have to say Remeron at night seems to have helped her hostility and made her less depressed. Good luck.


Wed Jul 16, 2014 10:18 am
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