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 confusion: to correct or ignore? 
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 9:58 am
Posts: 6
Location: St. Paul, MN
Post confusion: to correct or ignore?
Hello All,

This is my first post, as a brand new member. I am the oldest grandchild of a large family. My Grandpa with LBD recently went to the nursing home (one of life's ironies, this is the very one that he started with my Grandma where they were the administrators for many years) and my Grandma is in an assisted living facility. This is the first time they are living seperately in 63 years, and it is so very hard on all of us. There are six children in the family, my mother is one of them, and my generation is finding that it is easier for us than for the generation above us to be proactive. So, here I am. There is a local support group that I attended for a short time, and got incredible help, but I think this type of support will work better from here on out. It's a little more convenient, and at this point that's a good and necessary thing.

I have a few questions, and being fairly new to forums I think it's better to ask one at a time. Here is my first one:

Grandpa will often get confused and mistake a Granddaughter for a Daughter for example. I know that the confusion is a normal part of LBD, but what's the best way to handle it? Correct him gently? Ignore it?

Thanks.

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With Gratitude, Amy
Granddaughter, seeking information for beloved 87 YO Grandfather, advanced LBD


Tue May 22, 2007 10:40 am
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Post Re: confusion: to correct or ignore?
Grandpa will often get confused and mistake a Granddaughter for a Daughter for example. I know that the confusion is a normal part of LBD, but what's the best way to handle it? Correct him gently? Ignore it?
Thanks.[/quote]

Hi Amy,
Welcome to you too and it is so nice that your family is taking such an active stance in your GrandFathers life.I am sure it is hard for your Grand Parents to be seperated as they are but sometimes it is needed.
As to your question the way I would handle it is after he says it, say Yes Grandpa it is so and so (correct person), I am sure he still won't get it, to out and out correct him will only confuse him more. Many with LBD go back in time so that Grandaughter he is seeing really in his mind is a daughter. I hope this helps!


Tue May 22, 2007 12:24 pm

Joined: Mon Feb 05, 2007 3:43 am
Posts: 215
Location: Seattle, WA
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I'm not sure there's a good general rule; I was hard-over on "don't waste your breath trying to orient demented people to reality", but I've come around to a position that sometimes it's a genuine brain fart. Lord knows I call people by the wrong name (or need someone to give me the name based on a few details I supply) *all the time*, and I'm quite sure that DLB isn't contagious. ;0)

I'd try one gentle correction, as subtly done as possible, and if he picks up on it, great, if not, don't sweat it.

E

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Cal is not the real name of a real 84 year old with DLB. I don't speak for LBDA, nor do I have clever initials behind my name, so information is provided without warranty. Caveat everybody. I blog at http://PragmaticCaregiver.blogspot.com


Tue May 22, 2007 2:29 pm
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 9:58 am
Posts: 6
Location: St. Paul, MN
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There are many times when we just "overlook" things, when Grandpa will mention for example that one of his sons is away at school, when it's true he is away, but it's not because of school, school having been 20 years or more prior! I'll maybe answer, that's right, Pete is living in New York now. Or, many times going into the dining room at the nursing home he will wonder where the waitress is, or who will take care of the check. My answer will be something like "there aren't waitresses here at the nursing home, the staff will take care of you", or "your meal is already paid for, it's built into the nursing home fees", to try to jog his memory without making him feel stupid. I'm just not sure sometimes if he gets more frustrated because what I answer makes no sense to him at the moment. Judgment call, I guess.

_________________
With Gratitude, Amy
Granddaughter, seeking information for beloved 87 YO Grandfather, advanced LBD


Tue May 22, 2007 2:54 pm
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Joined: Thu Jan 18, 2007 11:38 pm
Posts: 65
Post 
You can correct him but to what end? My sister past away in June just as my dad was really presenting in LBD he doesn't know she has past away. He often speaks of her in the present tense. Early on we always would say she was gone and he would feel so bad, and then 20 minutes later he would be asking about her again. I think it is much more humane to not correct them but redirect them. It serves no purpose to be right and the reality is that it hurts those around him more than him, we relive her death every time we try to explain it. That's my two cents - for what it's worth

As far as the guilt - your grandmother should have no guilt - the reality is she is really taking care of your grandfather. You don't have to go far to hear stories of people with dementia wandering off, hurting others. My mom feels guilt because my dad is there in assisted living and because she is relieved that he is there. She could not take care of him anymore - none of us could. So try to help your grandmother understand that what she is doing is good that he is in the best place possible and that her job is now to take care of herself. We don't need to guilt ourselves we do the best we can.

Love,
Kani


Tue May 22, 2007 8:17 pm
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