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 Dumping Your Loved One at the ER 
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Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:06 am
Posts: 63
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Oh Beth, I'm so sad for all of us, what we have lost and what this disease does to those we love. There is a woman who occasionally posts on this forum and whose approach I have tried to adopt. She refers to her husband as two people, firstly "[john] who is in heaven"--the intellect which has left his body, and secondly "[john] who is on earth"-- the body that is undergoing these terrible changes. It helps to look at it from that point of view when the tears come and the memories roll over you. Whatever I do for my husband, I am convinced that thinking part is aware of from heaven, and I try to choose for him with that in mind. The concept is a guide and a comfort. We will have been married 48 years next week. Sending you many cyber hugs and strengthening thoughts.


Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:24 am
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Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Beth, My heart goes out to you. Frank passed away in October but our situation was much like yours. He was very resistant so it was difficult to work with him. I feel the good Lord was on our side, when it got to the point that I thought I couldn't do this anymore, he started to decline and became passive. He spent most of 2 months in bed, if someone came, we'd bring him out to his recliner. He missed our 50th anniversary by a few months but I wouldn't have wanted him to live one more day with that disease. Our loved ones should never have had to live this way, it continued to strip them of EVERYTHING until there was no sign of who they once were. Never second guess your decision, you are doing the best you can for both of you. There is NO ONE answer, every situation is different, hang in there, keep YOURSELF healthy and strong.

Fondly,
Gerry

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Gerry 67, cared for Frank 71, married 49 yrs; dx 2004, passed away October 26, 2011.


Thu Jun 14, 2012 6:54 am
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Beth,
I hope today is better than yesterday. What an ordeal!
Robin


Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:26 am
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2011 1:36 pm
Posts: 48
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Oh Beth, how difficult. Hope you were able to rest some and he was able to rest some and that things even out soon and, as Robin said, today is better.

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Donna G, 52, helped Dad take care of Mom, who died at home surrounded by family in June 2012.


Thu Jun 14, 2012 11:46 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
My heart aches for you, Beth. It still hurts me so much to think of who my husband used to be before Lewy and what his life is like now.

I think, once they get your husband on the right medications he will settle down and even eat and drink. When they're paranoid and delusional they don't trust anything or anyone and they are incapable of judgment. Glad you at least did what you had to do. Look at the placement options carefully and don't be overly impressed with a fancy lobby. Observe, instead, how the staff interacts with the residents. Once he is placed, you will embark on a whole new phase of care. Different but still demanding. We have all survived, so far, this heart-wrenching disease and so will you. You are in my prayers. God bless!

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Thu Jun 14, 2012 12:12 pm
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Joined: Tue Apr 24, 2012 5:00 pm
Posts: 78
Location: Fayetteville, NC
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Yep. I was crying tonight as I was visiting Ted at the facility he's in now. I was/am in your(and others') shoes. I'm crying for the life we lost and angry at the disease for stealing it from us. Thankfully, I can take some comfort in just being able to hold his hand (or, like tonight, sit outside in their front patio area and hold him up on his "bad" side--it was when he started to put his arm around to hug me back that I started to cry quietly). BUT, when I'd first arrived, the nurse also told me he said I'd divorced him and had moved out entirely (it'd been 3 days since I'd seen him last, one day since I'd talked to him on the phone). I know when he was home and wouldn't do anything, nothing I tried would work at times--not begging, pleading, crying, yelling, or screaming--nothing worked. My anger about the situation just wore me down more. I was a shell of who I should have been. I'm now still very sad, but better able to handle things--I can show him more love and am more patient now that I'm not shouldering the overwhelming mountain of rocks that Lewy has piled on us. This website also makes me feel as though I am not alone. I hope for better days for you and that you come out on the better side of this particularly hard time soon. Hugs and prayers.


Thu Jun 14, 2012 8:26 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Yes indeed sad for both of you and the horros of this disease, I hope for peace to come for both of you and in time things will settle in!

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Irene Selak


Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:13 pm
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Joined: Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:35 pm
Posts: 344
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Wow, Beth. I feel sad for us all, too.
I hope the docs can get him stabilized soon. And I am relieved that someone there does seem to understand LBD.
Hugs and prayers sent for you,
Pat

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Pat Snyder, husband John, dx LBD 2007
Author of [i]Treasures in the Darkness: Extending Early Stage of LBD...[i][/i] [url]http://www.amazon.com/Treasures-Darkness-Extending-Alzheimers-Parkinsons/dp/1466428228/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334092686&sr=8-1[/url]


Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:39 pm
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Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:30 pm
Posts: 317
Location: southern cali
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
beth,,
what an ordeal..
my heart breaks for what you are both going thru.. hoping while he is being taken care of and stabilizing.... you can find some peace and rest for yourself.
please take care...
cindi

_________________
sole CG for hubby.1st symptoms, 2000, at 55. Diag with AD at 62, LB at 64.. vietnam vet..100% ptsd disability,sprayed with agent orange, which doubled chances for dementia. ER visit 11-13,released to memory care..


Fri Jun 15, 2012 12:15 pm
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Joined: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:39 am
Posts: 98
Location: Victorville, CA
Post Re: Dumping Your Loved One at the ER
Beth, I felt so isolated, then I found this website. Know that your struggles are felt by all of us and our prayers are for your strength and comfort. Together we will get through this. May God be with you.

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Terri, spouse of John, officially DX dementia with Lewy Bodies, June, 2012, cognitive symptoms since 2007, active dreams for years before that.


Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:45 pm
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