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 Financial delusions 
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Financial delusions
This just keeps happening with my husband, who no longer understands the basics of finance at all: he gets an idea in his head, usually about a lottery or windfall, and won't let go of it. This time he was cleaning off his desk and found a couple of 10- and 20-year-old insurance bills, somehow believes they are CHECKS that are owed to him and won't be talked out of it. (Silly me, why did I think he might be?) I know I shouldn't use logic or talk to him loudly and firmly that this is NOT TRUE, because he won't believe me, but I'm afraid he's going to want to pursue this and go see the insurance agent (what he says he wants to do) and even THEN won't believe it. (And how do you explain to the agent you just want him to say no, not a check, because your husband has dementia?) I guess I can just ignore it or play along, but I don't WANT to have to go to the agency and go through this. Anybody else dealt with such cases? It's starting to get to me and make me crazy!


Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:17 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Financial delusions
I know what you are going through. Several years ago we had similar experiences. Is there a trusted friend with an authoritative voice, willing to 'be' the insurance agent, whom he could speak with on the phone? I wrestled with this kind of deception for a while and finally realized that it was the only viable solution. Hope something will work for you. Once they obsess on something, it's impossible to get them to think of anything else.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:36 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Financial delusions
Certainly alert the agent in case your husband calls him/her. Maybe the agent is willing to say that any claims must be made in writing?? Maybe that would keep your husband busy for awhile?


Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:05 pm
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Financial delusions
Both interesting ideas. He does know the name of the agent he's had for a long time, not sure that he remembers his voice. I do have a case manager now who's very understanding, so maybe he would fill in for The Agent. Now I have put the "checks" for "safekeeping" in a strong box in his closet, so I'm hoping maybe out of sight out of mind. I'm sure it will come back to the conversation some time, tho!


Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:08 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Financial delusions
Would it work just to tell him that the items now have been paid and direct deposited into your accounts, or would he then think it through to ask to see the bank statements? I know these deceptions seem awful but really, they are the only way to put an end to it.

Julianne


Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:25 pm
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Financial delusions
Oh, yes, I told him they were paid long ago --oh, do you mean it was DEPOSITED in the bank? Hm, might have worked if I hadn't already argued they WEREN't checks. Maybe I could get the fake agent to say that. It's an idea thanks.


Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:23 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Financial delusions
Or maybe type a letter to your husband from a "new agent," saying that you (the wife) called out of concern about this matter but you (the agent) want to assure him that all of these deposits were made long ago. I don't even think you'll need letterhead...


Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:57 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Financial delusions
robin wrote:
Or maybe type a letter to your husband from a "new agent," saying that you (the wife) called out of concern about this matter but you (the agent) want to assure him that all of these deposits were made long ago. I don't even think you'll need letterhead...

Good idea, Robin! And if you want to include a letterhead, you could include the phone number of a friend who's in on the ploy, just in case he wants to verify it. Deceiving a Lewy isn't always easy and it's hard to predict their acuity at any given moment. Remember the old saying, Oh! What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. Personally, I just hate doing things like that but found it to be essential to relieve his myriad anxieties. Thankfully, it's no longer an issue. Or, maybe, not so thankfully because it represents his decline. :cry:

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:28 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Financial delusions
I agree, Pat, the deceptions are distasteful but sometimes they are preferable to the obsessions that LBDers can develop. I am thankful that my mother has for the most part progressed past the point where these issues arise. Her usual "pleasantly confused" state these days is a lot easier on her.

Julianne


Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:45 am
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Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:28 pm
Posts: 757
Location: LA
Post Re: Financial delusions
I [supposedly] called the General in Washington D.C. and had him send all of Mr Bobby's war time medals as well as his Discharge papers. You see, Mr Bobby did not feel like he could go back in service and if some young LT. found his record, he would call him back to duty. Everything arrived in time for Christmas so the family made a big celebration over giving them to him. It was great... But then, he began to worry about the young men who are still fighting the wars. Not much I could do about that except try to keep him away from the news. Dorthea

_________________
"See this lady she's 85 but she's nice", This is the way my husband, Mr B., introduced me in 2006 to the people only he knew. Death due to pneumonia. Lewy Body Dementia diagnosed post mortem at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida.


Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:43 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3426
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Financial delusions
Yes, we had to do some of those "white lies" from time to time, for our own sanity. My dad wasn't TOO bad but there were a few financial things that he kept bringing up every time I'd visit. For instance, he wanted some money to be given to his grandchildren, but these were dispersements in his will and he was still alive. After trying to explain this several times I just gave up and said "yes, I gave the kids the $ you and mom wanted them to have." He must have either remembered that or else he eventually forgot about the whole thing because once I told him I'd given them the money he never asked about it again. It was always good to have these obsessions end, no matter what story we had to make up! Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:27 pm
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Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2011 1:42 pm
Posts: 108
Post Re: Financial delusions
This happens to me a fair bit too. It has been one of the hardest things to figure out. My mother wants to go to where she used to live and get all of her books. We took all of her books and she has been going through them gradually, but some of the books (like her cookbooks) we gave away since she is in assisted living now and has no facilities to cook in. She is obsessing about those books and my sister doesn't know what to do since the initial we gave the books to Goodwill doesn't seem to compute with her. She insists that we need to go to her old house in Texas and get her books. She told her therapist that she would be going there this summer. My sister insists on arguing with her about this. I told my sister to tell her that they are in the books in storage and if she keeps pushing it to tell her that we will go to Texas in the summer and hope she has forgotten about it. I feel bad about this, but she is going to call and harass people in Texas and/or call the airlines and make flight arrangements all over cookbooks that she can't use.

sigh - :wink: Liz


Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:51 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3426
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Financial delusions
I had a hard time trying to convince my sister to not argue with my dad either. I'd give him an answer, any answer, that helped settle him down no matter how crazy the answer seemed at the time. Rational conversation rarely works with delusional thinking and arguing is just so counter-productive. Make up something you think will placate your LO and hope for the best! Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:10 pm
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: Financial delusions
Yes, I seem to need to keep re-learning that logic and arguing are futile. It's the question of WHICH answer will placate him that's tricky.


Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:37 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Financial delusions
LTCVT wrote:
Rational conversation rarely works with delusional thinking and arguing is just so counter-productive.


So true, Lynn!

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:20 pm
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