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 His growing stubbornness-my growing frustration 
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Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 6:54 pm
Posts: 64
Location: Portland, OR
Post Re: His growing stubbornness-my growing frustration
We're actually doing better today-I think the stress of too much holiday activity didn't help EITHER of us, and as several of you have said, I've just decided to change my mindset, change what I can and work around other things. I've looked into foster care homes and know I will likely need to get him into one sooner or later, interesting to hear that can change your relationship for the better. I don't think I can put him in a memory care unit, larger institution-he hated it SOOO much when he was in rehab. after his stroke that he lost 35 pounds and looked awful! I couldn't stand how he reacted, either. So, I'm trying to be proactive and take charge of the future. it's just the day-to-day that gets to me sometimes. I want to do what's best for him, keep him safe and happy and comfortable, and sometimes that means compromising or taking him to daycare so I myself can be happy to do better with him when I'm with him. Whew! long sentence! I do find that if I am with him alone for more than 2-3 days I start to go nutsier, get snappier.

Sun Jan 01, 2012 11:55 pm

Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 10:15 pm
Posts: 15
Location: Kansas
Post Re: His growing stubbornness-my growing frustration
I've worked with kids all my life who struggled to learn to read. My job required daily observation and analysis of reading behaviors unique to each child, patience, and a soft, calm voice. I assumed I could easily transfer that calm, cool, collected demeanor when caring for my husband. I didn't have a clue! Caring for my husband brings completely different challenges. This is a whole new skill set.
Be kind to yourself. We're all in a learning mode. No one masters this job. Just when you figure out how to respond to behaviors, new and different behaviors begin. The learning curve always seem to be moving higher.
This forum is the best thing since wrapped bread. I've learned more here than you can imagine. You will always look back and wish you had done this or that differently but you can avoid many pitfalls by listening to the wonderful, compassionate voices on this forum. Everyone talking to you is a few steps ahead of where you are now. Their experiences and comments provide insight and guidance.
Adding my own comments: My husband also has to pee after taking a few bites of food. He cannot feed himself so I do that for him. It's a small inconvenience to get up and take him to the bathroom but no big deal in the scheme of things. I'd want someone to do that for me. Who knows what triggers the urge. I know he can't control it and neither can I so I just let it go. Others have suggested 'going with the flow" . Perfect words of wisdom. We do seem to go through turbulent, fast swirling rapids, nearly puling us under but there are also periods of calm water when you can float on your back and look at the sky.

P. Jo Ann, 59, married 31 years to Richard, 78 yrs old. Richard was diagnosed spring 2008 with LBD.

Mon Jan 02, 2012 1:46 am

Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: His growing stubbornness-my growing frustration
P. Jo Ann, I hope that taking your husband to the bathroom continues to be a minor inconvenience. In my husband's case, it became a frequently occuring ordeal, especially all during the night. What with the feet sticking and non-cooperation, etc., it might take 45 minutes just to get there, then you go back to bed and in an hour or two, again. I couldn't get him to wear disposable briefs. In a way, this behavior was the thing I could not overcome and deal with. You can get physical help with a once a day physcal thing like bathing, but the bathroom difficulties made me admit defeat.

Mon Jan 02, 2012 2:42 am
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