Jeanne, you are doing great.

Dorthea

Jeanne…..

please give me permission to play a little here…..

so….after his bath…he had multiple disruptions to completing what was 'normal' procedure….putting on pajamas…

so….with each disruption….your instruction or nudge or suggestion….to get dressed for the evening out…..

Coy's brain did an inventory of surroundings, or short term memory events….

I am clean….
I am dripping wet….
I am in bathroom…tub is draining….there is a damp towel….
I just took a bath….
I have done some stuff today….
……pajamas

interruption 1…..
find pajamas
interruption 2….
find pajamas
interruption 3….
find pajamas

…….
sound familiar…..in other instances….
a common trait….
repeating actions…..

what happens with an interruption?
a resumption….of the easiest thing the brain can find in its inventory of tricks….
the next step in the last procedure it was accomplishing…
or….the last procedure that gets…..associated….

….remember the idea of disassociation of short term memory blocks….not lost memory blocks…..disassociated….
the brain is a hard worker….so….always looking to reassociate with something…
of course….sometimes….no new association….and just nothing…..blank stare into space….
('Earth to Major Tom'…..kinda like lost of communication with mission control…..always in panic mode….without MAJOR…..help….Major Caregiving……)

…..
now…..if that brain has any inkling of insight into what is transpiring….
a little frustration…..maybe at some point…..
if it is a person that causes the disruption….or multiple disruptions…not even realizing…..
can develop into some interesting behaviour actions on both parties….
bewilderment….
frustration…..
anger….
violence...
…..
understanding….
empathy…..
love…..
caring….

……another indulgence on my part….

drugs like aricept work for 2 to 3 years…(on average)….Coy is not average….
masking the disease progression….
by….making whatever is left of what is messed up work harder….
until probably not enough left to work with….

…..
take this time to establish 'Habits' that both of you can work with…
and take seriously….the importance of 'Habits'…..

……
again….
indulge me…..
I am running out of time….to establish new Habits….
so….I am...

There is not enough Tide and propane in the world to manage all the wet blankets/sheets! And now he is blaming the wetness on the BED. Says I need to call a repairman to fix the bed as it is leaking [it is NOT a water bed]. Says he can hear the water squishing... not sure what is next but this appears to be his first delusion. Snowed yesterday so that is yet another challenge. At least the electricity is still on... sorry for rambling but am quickly becoming unraveled.
Roxanne

Roxanne,

Are you using bed pads, or as we've always called them, pee pads? You can get them fairly large, as we did for Mom's double bed because, when she had a bed big enough to move around on, she was always all over the bed. Some nights we'd go through a couple of them. Now that Mom's in an SNF, her granddaughter (a new mother) has cut the big pads into smaller ones for her baby's crib. They really are the same as you'd use for a baby.

Everybody - Oh, how I wish Mom had more procedural memory, especially when we eat out. Eating procedure has really changed. If you are in a Minneapolis restaurant and happen to see a white haired lady piling her potatoes on top of her dish of strawberries, stop and say hello. That's my mom. We no longer try to correct anything Mom does. We just enjoy her uniqueness.

Kate

Kate - glad you can enjoy some humor with and about your mom! That is fantastic that she is still well enough to go out to eat with you. Have a wonderful Christmas with her. Lynn

Thanks, Lynn. And a Merry Christmas to you, too!

Mom is fast approaching the point at which she won't be able to help us transfer her into the car. So outings are becoming precious. She may survive to another Christmas or two - She's a fighter. But I think this is the last Christmas that she will be able to visit her daughters' homes and get out of the SNF for a bit. This week, I brought stuff to decorate her room for the holiday. Not sure that was a wise move. When we had about half of the decorations up, she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Christmas and her circumstances are really bothering her. But we'll get through it.

Kate

Kate, my heart goes out to you - I know the feeling. Look after yourself
Ger xx

I was so glad that 2 years ago we were (barely) able to get my dad into his car and into a dining room at an inn near his ALF for Thanksgiving dinner. He was in his wheelchair and the owners of the very elegant inn were most helpful with him. By Christmas that year we were all wondering how we ever were able to get him out for Thanksgiving, only 4 weeks earlier. We were very thankful for that very special Thanksgiving dinner together and knew it would most likely be his last.

By last Thanksgiving, he was totally bed bound and had been for a while, and he died a few days later. We are all very grateful for the holidays and other times we had together.

Enjoy your LOs while they are still here, in spite of their illness and infirmities, and find humor where you can. I can just see Kate's mom with her potato/strawberry dish! Lynn

Kate ~ A very dear friend gave me a very large pee pad for the new grandbaby. However, I have been using it for my husband although at times it is not enough. Another friend gave me some disposible pee pads which also help but are still not enough. Hospice is also trying 2 depends + 2 other large inserts which worked one night... I have no idea where all the urine is coming from - the nurse even cut down on his fluid intake. I have come to "accept" the urine and just hope the washing machine holds out til Spring... thanks for the suggestions!
Roxanne
PS-changed my screen/board name to fiat lux "Let there be light!"