debra..

thank you for your thoughts.. so spot on..
will reread many times, im sure~~


thinking of you and chris...
cindi

You Absolutely do not have to be HAPPY that your mother has lost so much of herself. And that you have lost so much of your mother. And let's not forget your father.
You CAN be angry...but you also have to live your life and not let the anger destroy who you are. Maybe a mixture of sadness AND anger?
Maybe some 'Grim Determination' is all that you can muster for the day.
It's a long plodding road with an unhappy ending. That is true. You CAN find moments of happiness along the way; but I'd say you have to make those happy moments not ever expect to have them given to you. The ones you make are going to be the ones you treasure the most when the journey is over.

Thank you all, so much for your wise, kind words. Debra, I really appreciate what you wrote. I think I'll probably come back to it again and again to remind myself that it's okay. I'm okay and it's okay for me to be pissed off and sad and laugh at the ridiculousness of some of the situations or things my mom says. I think sometimes when my dad and I laugh at something morbid or things that other people would not necessarily find funny that maybe we're retaining a little bit of our humanity, a little sanity, a little shred of normalcy. Or at least we're trying to!

My mom has gotten a bit worse recently, nothing scarily dramatic but a decline all the same. My dad recently took a couple of days to himself and my younger brother was at home with my mom. Most of the time she's "okay" and my brother does well with her, helps fix her hair and such but this weekend was no good. He went to mow the lawn and my mom was going to help by scooping the dog poo but instead she used her bare hands and to get her to take a shower was next to impossible. My poor brother was in tears, hysterical, but he eventually got everything figured out. I hate that he has to go through this too but this is what we're dealing with now so we just keep going, one step at a time.

And I think that sometimes I'm still very angry (as when I see my future sister in law and mother in law getting excited about shopping for baby furniture that I'll never get to experience any of that baby-related, call your mom in the middle of the night kind of thing) that mostly I'm just sad about it during those times when something sets me off (like talking to my dad yesterday about what went on this weekend). I think I alternate between accepting it and being angry and being sad and sometimes all of those things at once. Dementia-land sucks for sure, the rides are terrible and there's not even any funnel-cake. I wonder if we'll all get refunds later? Maybe, because if there are angels I'm convinced that that is what all of you are.

I'm so sorry for your situation Jamie. Your family is so young to be going through this. It's hard at any age, but knowing your mom is only 6 years younger than I am, I can only imagine what you all are experiencing. Take care of yourself while you are trying to support your mom, dad and brothers. It can really take a toll. Lynn