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 My father does not accept his diagnosis. 
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3309
Location: Vermont
Post Re: My father does not accept his diagnosis.
Deedee - it's not your MIL doing these things, it's her disease. I kept having to tell myself that about my dad when these very frustrating situations would occur. "It's not dad, it's the disease. My dad is gone, and inhabiting his body is a stranger. He never behaved like this." That was my mantra for several years. Once in a while the "real" dad would appear for a moment or a few minutes, and then the stranger was back. It's a hard journey you are on. My thoughts are with you. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Fri Sep 30, 2011 2:17 pm
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Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:06 am
Posts: 63
Post Re: My father does not accept his diagnosis.
Deedee I guarantee you your MIL knows you love her. Lewy patients take out their frustrations on those they feel safest with. As you say, somewhere in her her heart she has cemented the knowledge that she can treat you badly and it will not change your love. My HB is that way, a sweet courteous and loving man who becomes enraged at the suggestion he is not the man he was-- but only when we are alone does he show a cruel way with words that is heartbreaking. He also follows me everywhere, standing smack in the way when I'm trying to make beds or clean. It's this terrible disease and if you can't rant you will explode. Cyber hugs to you, hang in there and know you are making a difference for her as she struggles to make sense of a world that no longer makes sense :(


Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:48 am
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Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: My father does not accept his diagnosis.
Staying immersed in this forum proved the best way to keep my husband's changing personality and behavior in perspective. I was never shocked nor overly dismayed by the changes in my husband, as sad as that is, because I could anticipate them and separate them from the real person he was. Even now, over a month after his death, I still come here several times a day to see new postings. B elieve me, Capgras would have freaked me out when I was his sole 24/7 CG had I not known about it beforehand.


Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:25 pm
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Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:06 am
Posts: 10
Post Re: My father does not accept his diagnosis.
Thank you all so much for your encouraging words. I appreciate them very much. I def plan to stay on the forums because certainly NO ONE else has a clue as to what it's like. Even other family members. I have figured out that this forum is going to be my life line. lol.
Along with not accepting her diagnosis goes the battle with her money. She thinks she still can do what she wants with it and spend money that she doesn't have. When we tell her she doesn't have it to spend she accuses us of stealing it. Demands to go to the bank and talk with a banker about something that she will not understand no matter how many times a banker would explain it. I guess we are needing to make some changes there where her finances are concerned. But not really sure yet how to go about it. I will have to talk to the caseworker about that one. But we sure had a time with her yesterday about it.
Again, thank you all so much for your advice. Blessings to you.


Tue Oct 04, 2011 1:35 pm
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Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:07 pm
Posts: 1039
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: My father does not accept his diagnosis.
Ah, Deedee, the money thing is painful. My huband went through the "you're stealing my money!" phase, even when he was looking at the gas bill instead a bank statement. Hugs to you, dear!

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Jeanne, 68 cared for husband Coy, 86. RBD for 30+ years; LDB since 2003, Coy at home, in early stage, until death in 2012


Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:01 pm
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Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:06 am
Posts: 63
Post Re: My father does not accept his diagnosis.
The loss of rational judgement is devastating in itself. But it drags along all these other consequences...our LO's fashion themselves the word they think they ought to have and want to live in it. They are like toddlers, having a tantrum when they don't get their way. We who care for them must have the mindset of parents. We understand their anger grows out of this damaged brain. We love the person they were, so we love, honor, and care for the person they have become. We gently try to let them believe in their imagined world while keeping them safe. We cry inside as we buckle their seat belts for them, answer the same questions again and again, deflect their anger and distract their attention. We measure out their medication, put them to bed, cry openly, then try to destress a little. And in the morning we do it all again.
If you're tired you've a right to be. The constant strain of being in that environment is beyond tiring. Love yourself and take care of your health.


Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:23 pm
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