Last week was the first time she left the house on her own without telling my dad, so this is new territory. He never leaves her alone anymore, except to go into the computer room. When he does that, he comes out to check on her frequently, and that's when he discovered her missing and in the garden shed. I'm not sure how he discovered her outside at 4:30 a.m. the next time, though. I'm just glad he woke up.

Dad uses a baby monitor that lights up when she takes a bath in case she needs help. We are now looking at door alarms that will activate a bed shaker, personal vibrating signaler, and flashing lights since my dad is very hard of hearing. She can't use a phone anymore. Even if she could figure out which buttons to push, she no longer can communicate effectively. She wears a bracelet that identifies her and tells people who to call if they find her.

I don't think she's really looking for her conscience. I believe it's something tangible. Dad showed her everything in the garden shed, even opening all the storage boxes. She took a piece of pipe and a sprinkler head. She said she needed them for her conscience, but Dad says she hasn't done anything with them yet. I asked her if her conscience had to do with gardening, though, and she said "no." It's a baffling mystery.

SM,
Did your Mom like to garden ? For me when I go out to flower beds and weed, plant I find it relaxing and a place I can escape the rest of the world, is it possible that this is what she is trying to do?

Sometimes it is so hard to figure these things out and even if we do they are so meaningless to us but to them important!

She did (does?) like to garden. The summer of 2008 was the last summer she even attempted it. I don't think her body or mind will allow her to do it anymore unless someone is next to her telling her what to do each step of the way (like you would a small child). I did ask her if what she's looking for has to do with plants, and she said no, so we're confused. She went out to the shed again with a flashlight last night after her bath. Dad saw the motion detector light go on when she left. Apparently, she still hasn't found her "conscience." He convinced her that that it would be better to look for it during the day today. I think he's going to go through every nook and cranny with her in that garden shed until she can identify what she wants.

The hard thing is that whatever she's looking for might be just in her mind, either gone or never existed, and there's your dad, moving everything in the shed to no avail. I've been through several of those maneuvers with my mother. Sometimes it was something I'd never even heard of and sometimes it was something that hadn't been around for years, yet to her it was real as this morning's breakfast dishes. It's very frustrating not being able to satisfy your LO. Good luck!

Julianne

It is all quite mysterious with words..Yesterday, dh and I stopped at the grocery for ice cream to take home...got in the car and he says, "the Toyota is melting." He became quite agitated over it all. When I finally asked him if he meant the ice cream would melt in the toyota, he said yes. One night he woke me up, I asked him what was wrong and he said, "orange." No clue about that one. He also said "ah=chew" and I asked him what he was talking about and he said he sneezed..but he SAID ah chew, he did not sneeze. That one was funny.

SandwichMom, did the conscience show up? Has she forgotten about looking for it?

No, she still hasn't found her conscience yet, but it seems that she's finally satisfied that it's not in the garden shed. However, Dad said she removed a piece of plastic pipe and a stick of wood the same length. Then she went into the house and painstakingly cut out a strip of cloth the same length. She's done nothing with these 3 items, and Dad thinks she's forgotten about them.

I wonder what she'd say if you offered to buy her a new conscience. What kind of a store would she want to go to? In the old days I would say give her the Sears or Wards catalog and see if she could find one to show you, but that is not as easily done these days. It must at least make her feel good that she has willing (if clueless) helpers.

I asked her if she thought she could find a picture of it, but she shook her head "no." Dad said she also used the words "replace brain." I wonder if she thinks she can find something to help her think more clearly, as if it's a tangible object. It could be connected to a hallucination, but since she's almost completely nonverbal, we aren't really sure if she's having hallucinations. There could be a whole team of basketball players in her closet that she's just not telling us about.

If she has a whole team of athletes in her closet, maybe she does need a conscience!

When I've been able to figure out what Coy means by odd behavior or words (or I read about someone else figuring out what "the Toyota is melting" means) I find it so fascinating to glimpse at how the brain works.

I'm sure there are things we'll never be able to figure out, but they probably have their internal logic.