View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Sun Apr 20, 2014 10:33 am



Reply to topic  [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
 A Delusional Jealous Husband? 
Author Message

Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:07 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Dallas, TX
Post A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Have any of you ladies had to handle a delusional jealous husband? I need help with what to say and how to handle my LO's anger.

My LO is my father, not my spouse. But has become convinced that we are married and he is getting angrier and angrier about his "inadequate home life." He is fed up with having a "near wife" but not a full one, and he is also angrily jealous about my (non-existent) lovers that I have introduced to him and my upcoming (non-existent) marriage. Today when I reminded him that I am his daughter, not his wife, he responded sarcastically and coldly- "You've already done a great job explaining that" - as if I were a spouse trying to deceive him or put him off.

This is a very sore subject because I have twice had to deflect nasty, insinuating discussions he has initiated in front of my 12-year-old son about my (also nonexistent! :roll: ) sex life. I know it makes no sense for me to get angry at my father's lost mind, but I am getting angry. And disgusted.


Sun Aug 15, 2010 3:08 pm
Profile

Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 5:28 pm
Posts: 317
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Oh, my. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this aspect of the illness. It is one more instance of the disease abusing the caregiver. I think of all kinds of things for you to do and then I realize that probably none of them will work because of the delusion being so fixed. I think you should report this right away to your father's neurologist. Someplace in this forum I think I read of some medication that helped to resolve those issues. I would think that in this case there might be some medication that can reduce libido. Also some of the meds for parkinson's increase libido. Maybe a medication change all around coulod help. It seems to me that if a med can helo they shoulod give it to him because otherwise his placement in your home may not be able to be sustained.

I definitely think the doctor is the first place to go...as soon as you can get in.


Sun Aug 15, 2010 3:24 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:07 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Dallas, TX
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Nan - Thank you. He is living at an ALF so his residential placement is safe. Right now, I am considering only visiting with him in the public areas at his ALF and only having my son visit him that way, too, rather than being alone with him. The two problem discussions in front of my son came up in the car, so we may be on safer ground if we spend less time in the car and less time in his apartment. I don't think he will pursue those topics in public... at least for now. I called his neurologist Friday for some walking troubles and will add this topic to my list, unfortunately I called to increase his parkinson's meds to try to make his walking more safe. Thank you for the advice.


Sun Aug 15, 2010 5:12 pm
Profile

Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 5:28 pm
Posts: 317
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Sue, I think it is a good plan to confine your meetings with him to public areas. For your son, too. Your doc can figure out the right thing with the meds. But, you don't want him acting our sexually in his living situation either.

Good luck to you. None of this is easy, is it?

Nan


Sun Aug 15, 2010 5:19 pm
Profile

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Sue, I don't know what to say, it's true you really can't get upset with your dad's actions but you must be hurt and very uneasy when you're around him. Try visiting in community areas, that might make your visit a little more pleasant. I feel bad for your son, 12 is a tough age, old enough to understand what your father is saying but maybe not mature enough to understand the extent of the disease. Good luck, maybe there is a med that will help.
Gerry

_________________
Gerry 67, cared for Frank 71, married 49 yrs; dx 2004, passed away October 26, 2011.


Sun Aug 15, 2010 8:17 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3113
Location: Vermont
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Sue - this is a tough situation to deal with, and since he has dementia, it may not matter where you are with him when he says such things. Have you found some of the books on dementia that are written for kids to help them understand? If not, that might be something to do for your son. I know that would have been hard for my boys at that age if my dad had been saying that stuff to me.
I too think that getting to his dr. and seeing if there are meds that can help would be at the top of the list for me. Good luck with this. Let us know if you have been able to get some help with this. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:08 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:53 pm
Posts: 42
Location: Davis, CA
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Sue, I really feel for you. My father went through a relatively brief period of hypersexuality when he was in a nursing home. I was a target as were some of the aides. He accused us of trying to have sex with him, and used crude language he never would have used. It was very upsetting. One night the NH asked me to stay over and it was a disaster; his actions went on most of the night. When they asked me to try to stay a second night, I tried but quickly fled the room when he started in on me and the aides who were just trying to get him in bed. That night I spent in a motel and called a crisis counselor who helped me to know that it wasn't "really" my dad. I have fought hard to get some of those memories out of my head and, of course, I have forgiven him. But it's so hard for you to go through and hard on your son, too. My dad was never on medications (he had a rapid decline) so I can't help you out there. This acting out went on for about three weeks and was accompanied by paranoia, believing that the police were coming to arrest him for his behavior.

I hope you find a way to deal with this.

Take care.


Tue Aug 17, 2010 3:08 pm
Profile

Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:24 pm
Posts: 32
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
My husband, has been placed in a temporary care facility for dementia patients. He has not been diagnosed with LBD,(only dementia) but I know what I know. Before going to this facility, he had resperatory distress and was placed on a ventilator. After coming off the vent, he has accused me of everything in the world, from stealing all his money,and moving our house so he cant find it, etc., but the cream of the crop is...he is telling his nurses and psychiatrist that I am having an affair with his PC physician. They are all in hysterics.But these delusions are so 'real' to him. I am told that this is common in these situations. But I am like you, and even though he is my husband, I find this so hard to handle. Never has this been an issue, but now it is his money and my affair.He also signed himself in, but blames me for that too.( So I would have time to carry on this affair.) It is so hard to try to figure out their way of thinking.I have no solutions, only can share your pain. Know that you are not alone. The Lord has promised that He will not put more on us than we can bear, but I find myself doubting if I can bear things. Keep your head up, we will find a way to endure.


Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:18 am
Profile

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3176
Location: WA
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
I hear you, misty! You can't really figure out their reasoning in these matters. And yes, it's very distressing. As spouses, we can't help but be hurt by such accusations and no amount of arguing will convince them otherwise. I recently read a lament that went something like this: Lord, I know you don't give us more than we can handle. I just wish you didn't trust me so much! Just remember that it's Lewy talking and there's no arguing with Lewy. The best we can do is to just smile at our spouse, hug him and tell him how much we love him and that we would never do anything to hurt him. God bless you!

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Sat Aug 21, 2010 9:30 am
Profile

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Husbands :twisted: Frank accused me of running around with one of the men we both worked with for 25+ years so while I was still working it was very uncomfortable. I still work 4-5 hrs a week but he no longer questions me about my boyfriend, George,(3yrs older than our oldest). He threatened to confront him so I finally talked to George, he is bipolar, and several years back his meds were off and it took months to straighten them out. He said during that time he remembers a cat they had was his master, king of the house, and would carry on conversations with George and tell him what to do. George said there was no way anyone was going to tell him that was not real, so he understands Franks mind. It is never dull, frustrating but not dull.
Take care Ladies, remember "in sickness and in health".

_________________
Gerry 67, cared for Frank 71, married 49 yrs; dx 2004, passed away October 26, 2011.


Sat Aug 21, 2010 11:20 am
Profile

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3176
Location: WA
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Quote:
Take care Ladies, remember "in sickness and in health".
That's right, and "for better or for worse".

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Sat Aug 21, 2010 12:44 pm
Profile

Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 2:24 pm
Posts: 32
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
It is funny sometimes too. When I went to visit today, he asked me if he could just live in our little efficiency apartment, which no one has ever lived in. He told me he forgave me, he just wanted to come home. I assured him that in a few days he would be coming home. Then he announced,"You told me that yesterday" and I said yes , I know, but you need to get a little better before you come back home. Then he started telling me that when he went to basketball practice today, (he has recently thought he is back in college) everyone had on warmups, just like his green ones. Then he said that all of his clothes were disappearing, and I assured him that I would report it.:-P But like you said, for Better or Worse, Somedays are better, some days are worse. I suddenly remember a song from some years back. had lyrics that went 'some days are diamonds, some days are coal'. We must learn to lean on the Lord for our Strength. That is ultimately all we have, when our strength is gone. The funniest part of this whole thing--His PC has demanded NOT to be named in the psychiatrists report!! It gives me a good smile when I think of it all. Anyway, I hope everyone who reads this can find the humor, and remember it is Lewy, not my beloved husband of 25 years.


Sun Aug 22, 2010 12:35 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:07 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Dallas, TX
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Thank you all for your responses, you are all so generous with your time and experience! Lucky, lucky, me to have some good company in this struggle. And so sorry that we all do... :cry:


Tue Aug 24, 2010 12:50 am
Profile

Joined: Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:24 pm
Posts: 34
Location: Northern Minnesota
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
Prior to my husband breaking his hip and having to go into the nursing home, and unable to rehab, (he has been there 9 months now) he was sure I was carrying on with someone, told me that I was cheating on him, when he thought I was our oldest son. He also wanted a DNA tests done, because he didn't believe I was the mother of our kids, there was no question in his mind that the kids were his, just that I was not actually their mother. Since being in the nursing home, he seems to know me most of the time, he still at times suffers with Capgras symptoms, but not as often as when he was at home and I was his only caregiver.

He likes most of the aids at the home, but wants to come home and begs me every day to take him home, gets mad at the kids because they don't take him out of there. Offers to pay people to give him a ride home.

We have long term care insurance we took out over 13 years ago, so the idea of having to be in a nursing home, was something we thought and talked about, when he was diagnosed with Parkingsons, prior to the Lewy Body diagnose, we discussed the fact that when he because more than I could handle, he would have to go into the nursing home. He doesn't remember any of that, and just wants to come home.

Lewy land is not a fun place to be.


Sat Sep 04, 2010 12:29 am
Profile YIM

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3113
Location: Vermont
Post Re: A Delusional Jealous Husband?
At least once or twice a week my dad asks me to take him to see his house. It really upsets him if I say anything like "your CNP" or "your dr. doesn't feel it's good for you to travel in a car." He just gets furious with that so I always have to lie and say "I'm working on a way to get you there" or "let's talk about that tomorrow", hoping that he'll forget about it. It just breaks my heart to not even be able to take him to see his house but even if he could sit up for 2 hours in the car, I think he'd be more upset to see his house and not be able to go in, then have to go back to the ALF.
We have so many difficult conversations, don't we? Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sat Sep 04, 2010 6:50 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 19 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
Localized by Maël Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr