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 would you tell what happened when your LO died please 
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Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 2:29 pm
Posts: 57
Location: Wake Forest, NC
Post would you tell what happened when your LO died please
I know that this might be a hard posting to type but it would help me to know what to expect. I need to know what to look for. I need to know what to expect. Everyone said that it was more difficult then they expected feelings wise.
knowing what condition they were in. what their capablities were. what they could and could do for them selves.
i read everything posted and most of the lo that have passed were doing more then Jackie could now. I realize everyone handles this disease diffently but any insight might be a big help for me.

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Phyllis
taking care of Jackie 74 years old mother -in-law


Sat Mar 03, 2007 10:32 am
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Post Re: would you tell what happened when your LO died please
PHYLLIS wrote:
I know that this might be a hard posting to type but it would help me to know what to expect. I need to know what to look for. I need to know what to expect. Everyone said that it was more difficult then they expected feelings wise.
knowing what condition they were in. what their capablities were. what they could and could do for them selves.
i read everything posted and most of the lo that have passed were doing more then Jackie could now. I realize everyone handles this disease diffently but any insight might be a big help for me.


Dear Phyllis.
This is a hard question to answer, for all are different, I think alot depends on age other health issue factors and what the person who has the illness wants meaning when is it time to give up!
I think when the time comes she will show signs of not eating nor drinking and I don't mean just having soups or pudding because that is still nourishment I mean down to nothing, that can go on for awhile, it is very difficult but on the other hand when the end does comeit is also something to be very thankful for that your LO is no longer suffering and struggling. Many times it is an infection that takes them because they no longer can fight it off as they once did . There are signs all around them as the end gets near but we often don't realize it until after the fact, do you remember just this week "Cmiller's" dad brought the mom home from a NH and she died, well just the day before she told her other daughter how she loved them all and they would be alright. Thats the kind of sign I am talking about.
Phyllis I really believe it is out of our hands but I do understand your wanting to know but it is not something that can be predicted to long ahead, I think it is all a guess at best on anyone's part


Sat Mar 03, 2007 11:10 am

Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2007 6:13 pm
Posts: 102
Location: Fayetteville, AR
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Phyllis,

Irene has a lot of wisdom in what she said. As a hospital chaplain, I don't know how many deaths I have attended. Each person dies her own way, but each death is a most sacred moment. It is not so bad for the person who is dying, so long as pain is eliminated. Many who have experienced temporary death and come back report that it is a seamless, almost breathless and certainly fearless transition. A friend of mine whose heart stopped for several minutes recalls walking around the hospital room and observing all the activity in trying to revive him, and he thought to himself, "Oh, I must have died. This feels wonderful!"

I think that anticipating the loss of a loved one can be worse than actually experiencing it. We are afraid for the one who is dying, and we think how horrible it must be to die, and we think we cannot bear the loss; it is more than we can take, it is too much to even think about. The anxiety can be overwhelming. But when the event happens, there is often a sense of relief. Finally, it is over. Finally, I can rest. Finally, my loved one is at peace.

It is possible to attain that sense of acceptance beforehand. My task as a caregiver is clear. My only job is to help ease his pain and suffering, to keep him as comfortable as possible, and to keep him company as he prepares for and finally enters a new state of transition. Short of dying for someone, I think there is no greater love than this.

Randy Graves


Sat Mar 03, 2007 3:07 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 1:18 am
Posts: 53
Location: Chicago
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Dear Randy,

Thank you for sharing. I don't do chaplaincy now, but it's part of my background . . . on reading your post, I immediately "felt" how right you msut be for this role. I experience your presence in your words here, and just wanted to say I'm grateful. My mom has LBD. She was quite stable for 3 years, but the disease is progressing rapidly now. And yes, I find my
"work" is about doing everything I can to be with her and ensure what life-quality it's in my power to manage. And also yes, the hardest of my own feelings to cope with revolve around how she must be feeling and how, finally, I'm impotent to change the course of this journey.

So thank you for being here with us: the journey seems bearable only because of the love and comfort and strength shared and mediated among us. You and all our friends here are in my prayers tonight.

Peace, Lin


Fri Mar 09, 2007 1:01 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 2:29 pm
Posts: 57
Location: Wake Forest, NC
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Thanks for the input. yes it did help, I think I was obsessing over it and I just need to let things happen has they do.

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Phyllis
taking care of Jackie 74 years old mother -in-law


Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:24 am
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