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 Jekyll & Hyde 
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Jekyll & Hyde
Yesterday, he was most unpleasant and, in the evening, became very angry & violent. He tripped me and tried twice to hit me with his cane. He would not be convinced I was his wife and believed he was being unlawfully held here, etc., etc. I had to call my daughter to help calm him down over the phone. She thinks I need to place him right away.

He was still nasty this morning but is sweet as can be this afternoon. Of course, he thinks I'm my sister, but at least he's nice! And polite!! What a crazy disease! Do you think someone with LBD was the inspiration for the R.L. Stevenson novel?

Fri Mar 19, 2010 7:30 pm

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
I do understand your daughter's concern for your safety. That would be my first thought as well.

Fri Mar 19, 2010 9:23 pm

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3441
Location: Vermont
Hi Pat - so sorry for what you've been experiencing. What will happen if YOU have to be hospitalized because of an injury? I hope you are doing everything you can to be safe, even if that means placing him in a facility. The last thing you need is for you to be hurt! Take care, Lynn

Fri Mar 19, 2010 9:52 pm

Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2009 12:01 am
Posts: 62
Location: Wake Forest
Post take care of you
Hi Pat this is so hard I know. Placement of my Mom was the most difficult thing ever as both my sister and I wanted to keep her home with us. Mom had become unsafe, sometimes very suspicious, wandering and moderately combative at times when we had to place her in a facility. The good news is it may not be forever if that isn't what you want. In our case, Mom is so frail now she really isn't that kind of a risk for herself or us anymore so I was able to bring her home. You always have options. If you haven't seen it, this video really helped me to see that. "Life with Lewy"

All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel mother. --Abraham Lincoln

Fri Mar 19, 2010 10:11 pm

Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:05 am
Posts: 150
Location: Raleigh, NC
As difficult as the decision is to make, placement sounds to be the best option for you and your husband. In a facility, there are more care managers so even if he becomes suspicious of one, he may trust another at any given time. And with my mother, when I was no longer around all the time, she seemed to recognize me for who I really was rather than my father's illegitimate daughter, or the woman who ran the boarding house and took in runaways, or the jailer, or one of the other imagery characters who peopled her mind.

And everyone is right: you do have to look out for your own safety. You count, too -- both in and of yourself and in terms of being there for your husband.

I'll be thinking of you as you deal with this.


Sun Mar 21, 2010 11:06 am

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Thank you all for your concern and advice. I am looking into placement possibilities but haven't decided quite yet. He was in a dementia care facility and an ALF last year for a few months and there were some problems there with other residents and staff. I think I have mentioned that he was refused re-admission to a SNF in 2008 after a brief hospital stay because of 'behavior problems'. Facilities do use past records to decide whether or not to admit someone. He has physical needs [a problematic indwelling catheter] as well as cognitive. He has a colonoscopy scheduled for Tuesday so I am focused on getting him through the prep [last time he threw the laxative solution across the room and refused to drink it] and through the procedure. Then I'll spend some time scouting for a possible placement.

Sun Mar 21, 2010 11:35 am

Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:04 am
Posts: 14
Location: New Zealand
Post jekyll and Hyde
My hubby sounds so similar ............last weekend I was booked to go to an opera (our grandson was singing) and arranged for a couple to "baby sit'. I didn't inform him until tha morning cos I knew he would not be happy. Well he sulked all day and decided to come too, but because he'd moaned and complained the last twice we had been I said No. Anyway the couple came and when I got home at 12a.m. they were all awake and had had a great time!
But........the next two days were spent in bed feeling very sad and sorry and decided he had had a nervous breakdown! Hates me having any time out on my own but is sweetness and light when a visitor calls! I try and be sympathetic but its like dealing with a spoilt 3 year old..........
Life is never dull is it!!

Mon May 24, 2010 4:12 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3441
Location: Vermont
It often is like dealing with a small child, isn't it? Then they say or do something like their former normal, healthy adult self. We have to keep adjusting to "which person" they are, sometimes moment to moment. It's so hard to treat a parent or spouse like they are a child, but when their behavior is childlike, we have to behave or react appropriately even though they get mad at us for doing so. We have to be "the bad guys" and deal with the results.
I hope our LOs give everyone a break today even if it is for a few moments.

Mon May 24, 2010 9:05 am
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