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 How do you reason 
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Joined: Sun Jan 24, 2010 3:27 pm
Posts: 26
Location: Illinois
Post How do you reason
My mom has LBD and is in denial.. she has accused my dad of infidelity and he has reasurred her that these people she see and hears in his back room does not exsist. She is very persistent that they are and wants to leave home and no longer live in a house with him and his girlfriends. She has had dad promise to take her to the bank to withdrawl money so she can move out of the house. She has never lived alone in 52 years and crys because she is so very upset. We (my siblings and I ) have tried talking to her and reasoning with her..but with no luck.. she says.. all you guys think of is the damn disease and putting me on meds.. Dad has no idea what to say or do anymore... how do we get her to understand and reason when she wont admit that these people are not real... but soo real to her?[/i]

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lots of love and prayers
Lynda


Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:17 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
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You can't. It's that simple. :(


Sun Feb 28, 2010 11:29 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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I don't think you can say that a demented preson is in denial.

Contact your local Alz Assoc chapter for training on dealing with delusions.


Mon Mar 01, 2010 1:06 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 9:44 pm
Posts: 118
Location: Nashville, Tn
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I have often wondered if the "demented" see another world that we don't see. maybe it is real... at least to them it is... silly maybe... but I have wondered. my husband doesn't go as far as to say I am having affairs but he is close at times. Maybe if we could just understand and maybe verbalize to the demented one that there may be things they see that we simply don' t see??? does or would that help them in putting "us" in their other dimension? Cheryl


Mon Mar 01, 2010 1:33 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
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That's right, Cheryl, they really DO see a world and a reality that we don't, which is just as real to them. I sometimes tell him, "Oh, I guess that must be in your world because I'm not able to see it". He thinks MY reality is the one that's wrong, of course. :wink:


Mon Mar 01, 2010 10:37 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3432
Location: Vermont
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Lynda - I read something one time in a joke book years ago that said "arguments with furntiture are seldom productive". I have to remind myself and my sister of this quite often in dealing with my dad. You know what it's like to raise children, and when they were very young and wanted to do something that put them at risk, or just wasn't right for whatever reason, you tried to explain things logically, right? And when they didn't do what you wanted them to, you just had to make the decision as the parent and do what was in their best interest, right? That's just what you have to do with your mom. Painful, and backwards and upside down as it seems, that is just what you have to do. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to rationalize with an irrational, ill person. You just have to make decisions and do what you think needs to be done despite any tantrums, accusations, etc. from your mom. Is it easy? You bet your butt it isn't easy, especially at first, but you have to do what you have to do and it will get easier making decisions. I'm now 9 months into making decisions for my dad and I don't even think about it anymore, which is a miracle because I felt so badly at first that I had to do things like take the car keys away, hire an in home care person for him, take him and move him into assisted living, etc. I really know how tough this is, trust me. I cried a lot and felt guilty a lot the first few months, but your mom just isn't capable of making her own decisions, no matter how painful that is for you, her and the rest of the family. You just have to take over as the adult. Good luck, and I'll talk with you on chat soon, I'm sure. Lynn


Mon Mar 01, 2010 8:58 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
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Well said, Lynn. I often wonder which is more difficult: A child having to make decisions for a parent or a wife for a husband. Either way, it goes against the nature of our relationship.


Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:23 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
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Location: Vermont
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Good question, Pat. I guess the only people who'd know which might be harder is someone who's had to do both (just shoot me!) It sure isn't easy for anyone. None of us ever really expects that we'd have to be in charge of someone with whom we've had a partnership. I'm just glad that for the most part, my sister and I see eye to eye about decisions that need to be made.


Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:02 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
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To your LOs what they see and hear IS real to them. We used to talk about some of the hallucinations he had...the little animals, the children, the frogs sitting on our living room chairs....at times we would discuss them and then laugh about it. That made it less frightening to him. At times he would respond: oh, its those hallucinations again...or ...oh its lewybody again. Can you imagine how scary it must be to them??? It broke my heart...and I think at times it broke his too. They don't want to see these things...its the disease. Be strong for them and for yourself.

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Dianne C.


Sat Mar 06, 2010 4:34 am
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Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2009 7:43 pm
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Post Hallucinations
My mother was hallucinating... Santa Claus and children and animals, but it seemed to mostly go away when she went on Abilify.


Sat Mar 27, 2010 8:47 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3432
Location: Vermont
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My dad and his skewed LBD thinking - since Thanksgiving he hasn't left the ALF with friends or family because we cannot take him out of the car and get him into a car at a restaurant, so the only way he can get anywhere is on the ALF handicapped bus. He begs me every time I am there to take him out, but I can't get him in and out of the car.
So, my sister visits him today and asks him if he wants to go out for a fast food lunch (the ALF folks will put him in and get him out of the car when he gets back) and go for a ride. He says he'll go to Mickey Ds for lunch but he doesn't want to go for a ride because "he's been on too many rides this week." (he did actually go on one of the field trips with the ALF folks). This is a man who BEGS every visitor to take him for a ride, but once my sister suggests it, he's been on too many rides! (he's left there twice in 4 months.) LOL! There is no reasoning.....


Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:31 pm
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