I decided to post this in a new thread. Last year, I had to place my husband in two ALFs [one in AZ and one in WA] temporarily while I put our house up for sale and moved. After reading other posts about 'problem' behavior in ALFs and how it is addressed and limits one's options, I felt moved to share my experience.

I was in the process of signing papers in one 'top', well-known dementia care facility when it was found that 'exit-seeking behavior' was on my husband's record from another facility and so they added an extra $1K per month to the cost. Exit-seeking? I'm sorry, but we're talking about a very expensive facility that specializes in dementia. It's a 'secure' unit. Why should exit-seeking be considered an 'extra'? And then adding another $1K per month for angry verbal behavior and changing clothes frequently [!] I was furious and told them so.

In my opinion, some of these places are a real rip-off. They tell you the base rate is, say $6K a month, and then it really starts to add up if the resident actually requires any assistance!!.

Sorry! This is a hot-button issue for me.

Fortunately, I was able to find a good facility in another part of the state and my husband spent five months there while I lived nearby in the motor home.

I can certainly undertstand why it would be a hot button for you, many things are not as they seem, for a very short time I looked around for a facility for my husband and I was told it would be in the range of 5K a month now mind you this was back a few yrs, I couldn't even find a suitable place that would even consider taking him because of the constant falls and behavior and I never did find one in the price range and you are right they just keep racking up the bill for everything !

At this point, my LO cannot live with me because I still work. Even if I didn't work, this house is not safe for her. And, we would probably kill each other before the week was out (just kidding!). So, an ALF it is. I tried an adult family home and they were not able to provide the round-the-clock awake care that is needed or the "pacing area" that my LO needs. She walks several miles a day through the hallways of her ALF. Also, she does better when there isn't one person who is the "boss". She has a rebellious streak that she used to be able to control. No more.

I take every opportunity to educate and I think the ALF where she is is pretty good even though they charge 5k plus a month. It seems to be the going rate in an institution in our area. I do wonder, though, if they have a certain number of falls that they tolerate before they will either (a) charge more or (b) kick her out.

We're between a rock and a hard place. No-one wants their LO to have to move again when it is so darned difficult for everyone concerned. That's pretty creative of you, Mockturtle, to live in your mobile home for awhile. If we run out of money I may move on to the boat and rent the house.

I hope nobody thinks I'm being critical of placing our LO's in facilities! It's absolutely necessary for most of us at some point. I guess one problem is that these places realize that we are between 'a rock and a hard place ' [or, for the literary folk, between Scylla and Charybdis! ] And there are some very good facilities out there. It takes a lot of investigation. My point was that, as others on this forum have found, once there is 'problem' behavior documented on your LO, that behavior will influence their placement in the future.

A friend in AZ told an intake person at a dementia care unit that her husband had once threatened her. They refused to take him. I suppose liability is a big issue, but it would seem to me that places that supposedly specialize in care for dementia should expect this sort of thing. Do they assume that people with dementia are always submissive and reasonable?

Arggggghhhh!!
This whole situation is so frustrating! Dear FIL was in a facility for a while-but was kicked out for 'violent behavior'. He was sent to the hospital and after a week-was transferred to a nursing home.
It looks exactly like what you see in "One Flew Over a Cukoo's Nest".
They are strapping him in a wheelchair because he falls when walking or trying to get up.
They say he gets PT every day.
They are charging $13,000 a month.
At this rate, his retirement $$ will be expended in 4 months.
This is breaking our hearts.

Beverly, I absolutely agree--it's unacceptable! You might look for an Adult Family Home. Some are very tolerant of changing behaviors, are smaller and usually less costly. My neighbor's husband, who has fronto-temporal dementia--is in a 5-resident home and they are committed to keeping their residents there through hospice and death. They take him to a gym three times a week and the care is excellent. Just a thought. Some are locked units, some are not. It pays [literally] to look around.