This afternoon as we were going outside for our afternoon walk [in the rain, of course...this is WA], my husband refused to use his walker and wanted just his cane. I wasn't going to let him go without it, but it was clear he was going with or without me! I found myself hoping he would fall!! Not get hurt, mind you, but just to teach him a lesson.

As it turned out, he didn't get very far. He very nearly toppled over and I had to prop him up to keep him from falling on his face. You see, when he walks for even a couple of blocks, he starts leaning way, way over and then builds momentum, starts walking faster and faster, and then his feet can't keep up with his leaning body. Anyway, I feel terrible for feeling the way I did but I hope he won't try it again.

mockturtle,
I'm not sure your husband is capable of learning.
Robin

This reminds me of last summer when my dad was still living at home. He was furious that his dr. and I said he was not safe to walk without a walker. He kept wanting to use just one cane (and on the wrong side, to boot!). I told him I wouldn't take him out to dinner unless he used his walker, so he used it to walk from his house to car. Same thing as your husband with the top part of his body going faster than his feet. Next thing I knew, he was practically horizontal, walker way out in front, his feet way behind the rest of him. He caught himself on the hood of my car just before toppling on his face on to the pavement, and couldn't move. He was stuck in a bent over position for quite a while till I picked up his feet, one at a time, and moved them around, then over the next few minutes coaxed him to hold back onto the walker. It took quite a while and I was frantic, not knowing how I was going to get him anywhere but the hood of my car. (This was the same day that we argued about me insisting that he not drive anymore.....) Just imagine this level of immobility and balance and he had driven a few days earlier..... I am just glad there weren't any serious accidents..... Lynn

My LO will wander away from her walker at a moment's notice. Yesterday she had one too many caregivers ask her, "Where's your walker?". When I showed up five minutes later it was like there was a black storm cloud over her head, she was so angry. Of course I asked her what was wrong and she said she didn't want to talk to me. She then proceeded to kick her walker a couple of times. The tantrum passed of course and the sun came out about an hour later.

This reminds me of the very engaging speaker Teepa Snow. She's an expert on caring for those with dementia.

In her presentations, she'll ask how many caregivers in the room (caring for LOs with dementia) have said "where is your walker, mother? don't you know you're not supposed to walk without your walker?" Of course nearly everyone raises their hands. Then she says "now, just who has dementia here?"

Basically, she points out that those with dementia will not change and it's up to us, the non-demented, to adapt.

You might find this 2008 news article about her of interest:
http://www.salisburypost.com/Lifestyle/ ... Teepa-Snow

Interesting..... with my dad this happened before I was aware that he had PD and I was just starting to think he might have dementia. That was before all hell broke loose and the dementia became so obvious. I"ll look this up, Robin. Thanks.

So when people (read medical personnel) ask why I don't use a walker for Johnny, I have good reasons. He wouldn't remember to use it or would misuse it. If we're going down, at least there isn't an obstacle in the way!
Judy

I'm sure you're right, Robin. This reaction was merely knee-jerk on my part, which I find happens when one is a 24/7 caregiver. There are moments when all the hard-learned lessons are forgotten, all the validating expressions are thrown by the wayside and the gut reactions take over.

Judy73,
Your husband's name caught my eye. We called my dad's walker "Johnny," as in "where's Johnny?" and "where did you put Johnny walker?" I still smile about it today. Sometimes you have to create the humor...
Robin

Teepa Snow's a great teacher and speaker on dementia. Our local alzheimer's group has hired her to lecture in our city every couple of years. If anyone wants to check her out she has half a dozen videos on youtube and she has a website, too. Her website is at http://www.teepasnow.com/. She sells videos through her website store. To find her video clips on youtube, go to www.youtube.com and type Teepa Snow in the search block.

Lynn,
That sounds so much like my mom. She only uses the walker now in the house. There has been a number of times she will just kick, push or just refuse to use it. Even There are times when she does not even know what it is. Believe me, I have just at time say ok, go ahead and go. I of course are right behind her. Even then when she walks she gets ahead of her feet. I have to tell her ,"mom-pick up you foot ,take a step forward.
But like the comment Robin said, I was the one with dementia then. I forgot her state, expecting her to remember.lol
Tammy

Hi Tammy - you are lucky your mom can still walk! Now, my dad, even trying to get off the toilet has his legs collapse (got a call the other day about that). I wish I could still take him in the car to lunch, or even just for a ride. But I can't get him in and I can't get him out of the car because he can't even support any weight at all on his legs. He keeps telling me he is "in jail" and I feel really bad I can't take him anywhere. At least when it warms up in spring I can push him around the complex parking lots and get him outside..... It is a very sad state.... Hope your chat thing is getting some useful answers, Tammy. Lynn

Ty lynn,
I am glad mom still can get out. It is just after Friday when she totally tripped out on me in Publix. She did not know who I was and was not going anywhere with me and I had to get the managers help just to get her back to the car.that was just inside the door of Publix. Never went shopping. I guess I am a little hessitent in getting out. We will be going to her doc. thurs. Maybe if I am blessed we will be able to go shopping a little. I am really needing to go!! lol
It is hard when they seems to have some sort of real time when they seem to know their state of mind and health. I keep praying mom will never have those now. She would be so devistated. She would want to die. SHe is honestly 99% of the time totally dilusional. In here own world. I just try to play a part in it when ever she allows.
I do understand about your LO. I know it must be hard staying in. Or just not being able to lift him in and out. It is hard because it is dead weght.They really can't help with the lifting. The bath room, mom sometimes can lift herself. But her knees are starting to buckle when she walks and when she tries to sit or stand. It is scary watching her. I always am right there to grab her.Well when we can get out again it always turns into a whole day. we get out go to the docs, then have to eat,2 hours for that alone! Then if she is up to it I get to do at least one erron. I will be praying for thursday.
I hope to join you on the chat site soon! I do have hope they will resolve the problem.
Tammy

Good luck with Thurs. Tammy. I hope I can get a dr. appt. next week when I go to MD to see my dad. I haven't seen him in a month and it is hard to get "real" information from the ALF. The caregivers tell me one thing and one of the administrators tells me the opposite..... I'd like to know why his psychiatrist thinks he is so much worse in the last few weeks..... Lynn

Got a kick out of the Johnny Walker thing, Robin. I do love to find humor in life, otherwise what's the use? Our son came today and picked us up and took us to lunch. Johnny ate a fajita and some beans and then when we got home a neighbor brought a pecan pie over and he really ate that well. He does love his sweets. I don't venture out alone with him, for the same reasons as you others. No legs in or out of the car and I can't manage it by myself and who knows if he's going to try to open the door while we're driving. He did that once and so I always have someone else with us. And last time I took him to the store by myself, probably eight months ago, I put stuff in the basket and he would take it out and say we didn't need it. That was when he could get around somewhat by himself. No more. Needs help up and down and walking. Progression or regression? Ha! Have a good day.
Judy