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 New and different behavior 
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Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:03 pm
Posts: 38
Location: Wisconsin
Post New and different behavior
Hi Everyone,

I have a question for anyone that might be of help. My husband as started refering to me as she, when he talks to me. Has anyone experienced this? Is it a pre-requisit of him forgetting who I am? He has always knows me but today he said that he didn't think he has met my husband, and refered to me, (about me) as She. I am just grasping at what is to happen next. It seems logical that he next hurtle might me not knowing me. He doesn't know the names of our 4 grown children, but he does know them on sight, as he does me. This was just something new to me and I am puzzled by it and wondered if anyone else experience this.

Thank You to so very many for your many kind responses,
Elaine

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Husband 78, In Late Stages of LBD


Sat Feb 10, 2007 4:05 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 2:29 pm
Posts: 57
Location: Wake Forest, NC
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Hello happy day, JaCKIE MY MOTHER IN LAW HAS NEVER SAID MY NAME , if you ask her where is Phyllis then she always knows to look at me. as time has gone by JAckie uses less names and just gets our attention when she needs something. I just assumed it was a progression of LBD.

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Phyllis
taking care of Jackie 74 years old mother -in-law


Sat Feb 10, 2007 9:11 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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Elaine,
I don't think saying "she" is a precursor to not knowing your given name. Sounds like this could be Capgras Syndrome where your husband thinks you are not the real wife but "the other."
Robin


Sun Feb 11, 2007 4:03 am
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Joined: Sat Oct 28, 2006 5:34 pm
Posts: 40
Location: Ontario Canada
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Hello All:

I thnk most of us experience this behaviour at some point in the illness. My Dad has pretty much forgotten his grand and great-grandchildren's names. He will describe them as "big" or "hockey" or whatever he can still remember about them. The other day I was talking with my brother and Dad started pulling my sleeve. This is a man who never touched anyone unless absolutely necessary. At that point I realized he couldn't remember my name but wanted my attention. He has also begun to reach out to hold our hands when we arrive to see him, so I know he's doing his best to acknowledge us even though he might not recall our names. Just another painful adjustment we must make for this terrible disease.

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"Im pedalling as fast as I can!"


Sun Feb 11, 2007 12:55 pm
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Elaine said:
My husband as started refering to me as she, when he talks to me. Has anyone experienced this?

Hi Elaine,
I agree with Robin on this one , what is happening is Capgras and not all people with LBD get it but many do, my Husband did, not often but there were times he had no clue which wife I was the real one or the imposter.


Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:44 pm

Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:38 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Evanston, IL
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Dad went through a couple of months with Capgras - Mom would be right in front of him and he'd be asking her where his wife was. It passed. Lately he has been referring to some women as "he" - calls one of his female caregivers named Elaine "Ray" . . . it's the disease. Best to just go along with it - all of it - unless it would do someone physical harm.

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Diane
http://dianedidit.com


Mon Feb 12, 2007 9:58 pm
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Joined: Sun Dec 03, 2006 12:51 am
Posts: 31
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Hi Elaine, my Mom always remembers my Dad and asks for him constantly. She has always called him Daddy, so it's, "Where's Daddy? When is Daddy coming?" She will call out my oldest sister's name and knows her but poor thing she fusses at her the entire time she's there. My sister is very tender hearted and it hurts her feelings. We try to get her to laugh about it and say that you aways take your frustrations out on the people you love the most. I guess Mom loves you the most. The other night I asked Mom if she knew my name and she shook her head no. Later as I was sitting on her bed talking to her she said, "I'm so proud of you". It's moments like those it really doesn't matter if she can name me or not. I know she loves me. She does do something very odd though and that's speak about herself using she and her. She may something like, "Her hand is hurting or she's not hungry". Who knows? We just take one day at a time. Some days we get more communication than others.


Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:15 pm
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Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 3:26 am
Posts: 4
Location: India
Post He rarely recognizes people at home
My father-in-law rarely recognizes the people he gets to see everyday. Most times he thinks that I am the lady who works in his office. Sometimes he even dictates letters to me as if he is in his office.

But he recognizes people whom he has not seen for a long time by name! So the relatives and friends who visit him all go back thinking he is really fine and look strangely at me when I say he does not remember or recognize his son, daughter in law or grand daughter!

Is this also part of LBD? Or a drug side efect?

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Taking care of 75 yr old father-in-law


Fri Apr 06, 2007 12:45 pm
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Post Re: He rarely recognizes people at home
Meg wrote:
My father-in-law rarely recognizes the people he gets to see everyday. Most times he thinks that I am the lady who works in his office. Sometimes he even dictates letters to me as if he is in his office.

But he recognizes people whom he has not seen for a long time by name! So the relatives and friends who visit him all go back thinking he is really fine and look strangely at me when I say he does not remember or recognize his son, daughter in law or grand daughter!

Is this also part of LBD? Or a drug side efect?


Hi Meg,
I don't think this is a drug that is effecting him . It either can be what is called showtime, where the LBD person somehow pulls his act together for "outsiders" or there could be another form of dementia going on with the LBD, I do understand how frustrating this can be, for a very long time I would tell my children and when they would come their Dad was really great and the second they step out he went back to not being able to focus or do anything for himself, let me ask you when he is doing well with others does he then know who you and your husband are, if you answer yes then this is showtime. I hope this helps!


Fri Apr 06, 2007 1:17 pm

Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 3:26 am
Posts: 4
Location: India
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Quote:
let me ask you when he is doing well with others does he then know who you and your husband are, if you answer yes then this is showtime.


Hi Irene,
I don't think so. He does not show any recognition while visitors are there. Maybe I will observe more closely next time.
For many hours yesterday, he was depressed and kept crying. I thought he was very much aware of his condition and that caused him the depression.
Really sad to see such an active man lying in bed all wasted. Sometimes I don't know how to console him when he goes into his 'Depression state'
I am really glad I found this Forum. Now I can relate to other people in similar situations.
Meg

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Taking care of 75 yr old father-in-law


Sat Apr 07, 2007 1:12 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 19, 2006 4:38 pm
Posts: 12
Location: Evanston, IL
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Meg, I feel for you! I can hear your frustration and remember it well. Dad is in a nursing home now and further into LBD-hell, but for a long, long time he would go through periods of not recognizing people except intermittantly. And yet, when an outsider would come to see him, he'd perform. Sometimes.

This is the saddest thing I think I've ever had to say, but I think if you just accept it, you'll be better off in the long run. I finally just accepted that Dad is now more times than not a stranger and I am a stranger to him. I have been working on learning to love the person he is now and getting him to love me again. I still get brief hugs and smiles and "Hi Di"s but they are fewer and fewer these days. He can be cantankerous and he can be sweet - he can be reactive and he can be comotose. Waxing and Waning - the disease should be called that instead of LBD.

Please work at making peace with it - you can't win any sort of battle against LBD. Worse, you can't figure out the "why's" of any of it, so you're losing a battle to something inexplicable, which is really hard.

HTH

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Diane
http://dianedidit.com


Sat Apr 07, 2007 7:51 am
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Post 
Meg wrote:
Quote:
Hi Irene,
I don't think so. He does not show any recognition while visitors are there. Maybe I will observe more closely next time.
For many hours yesterday, he was depressed and kept crying. I thought he was very much aware of his condition and that caused him the depression.
Really sad to see such an active man lying in bed all wasted. Sometimes I don't know how to console him when he goes into his 'Depression state'
I am really glad I found this Forum. Now I can relate to other people in similar situations.
Meg


Hi Meg,
It is a really sad illness to watch our LO's dwindle, I am sure he is aware that something is very wrong with him even if he doesn't know exactly what, When my Husband would get like this I used to think what a very dark place he must be in mind wise, I guess it is just the way the Lewy's effect certain area's of the brain. The best anyone can do is to try and redirect his thinking but it doesn't always work.


Sat Apr 07, 2007 9:03 am

Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2007 3:26 am
Posts: 4
Location: India
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Thanks for replying to my post. Yes, I am trying to psyche myself and others at home to accept all the drastic changes which keep happening each day.
He is insecure and thinks that somebody stole all his money. So I put a few notes in his shirt pocket just to reassure him. But the crying spells have increased especially when somebody visits him.

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Taking care of 75 yr old father-in-law


Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:40 am
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Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:39 am
Posts: 87
Location: Lucca, Italy
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Hi, On the subject of name calling or lack of name, the other day my husband called me his mother....he said to someone on the phone to hold on he would get his mother. He also asked me what one of his brother's mother's name was. Mother and wife are becoming one. Irene M :)

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Irene in Italy


Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:03 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 26, 2007 2:29 pm
Posts: 57
Location: Wake Forest, NC
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Wow reading some of htese posts is amazing. Jackie my mother in law does have these crying spells, asks why is this happening to her, seems out of it many times I visit her in the nursing home. then sometimes is "there".

Help! anyone dealing with LBD in the latter stages Jackie is eating such a little amount of food since being put in the nursing home. About 10% of her meals is all we can get her to eat. about 10 fork fulls. she locks her lips and won't open. To us she seems to be doing it on purpose. Only drinks 1 cup of juice where she used to drink 3 cups at each meal. She has stated no feeding tube. Her boby is still working even thought she is losing weight, still looks ok and we still see little windows of the real Jackie. is this somewhat normal for them to stop eating slowly or do they normally just stop eating all together?

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Phyllis
taking care of Jackie 74 years old mother -in-law


Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:03 am
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