Pat, I am so sorry. You give your all and it is not enough. What did you do wrong? NOTHING! We've all been there in one form or another, different script but same none the less. Thankful someone came. You are loved by us who you do not even know.

Dorthea

Pat, I'm sure Derek's comment upset you, but I did get a good laugh. Last night when I got tired of calling Frank for supper I went in to the den and said supper was ready, he said "eat it yourself". I wrapped it and it was tonights supper. My friend, 89 yrs old, asked if I get hurt when he's gets vocal and mean. I don't, I get frustrated and feel sad for him, I find myself feeling more like a caregiver than a wife. I hope I can keep him home but physically he's very healthy so as he declines over the years I will be getting older so I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. We've also had the police here but they are very good, it was obvious that Frank was mentally challenged.

Hope you have a quiet evening, tomorrow is another day.

Take Care, Gerry

Thank you, Dorthea and Gerry! Your support means a lot to me.

Pat - Sorry for today's issue - you have so much to deal with! I hope Derek is in the house and goes to bed early so you can have a peaceful evening. Lynn

Pat,
Sounds if you have had a day from Hell, I am sorry and I guess the best we can hope for is he sleeps well tonight and you get some rest and start all over again tomorrow on a better note!

I remember those kind of days all to well and they are so hard and draining!

Your doing everything you can and you know it is the illness that causes him to behave like this !

Take care !

Pat, I hope you weren't offended with my finding a bit of humor with Derek's comment. I think a few of us live this life with our LO's seldom showing appreciation for all we do for them. Frank was always kind and mild mannered, Lewy has changed that. On occasions he will make a fist, put his teeth on my arm, and frequently call me names that he never used in his good days. He always thinks I'm lying and playing mind games with him, but that's our life and I deal with "whatever", as it comes along. I do appreciate and understand what you are going through. My sister is my sounding board, things that would or should upset me don't, most of the time I can find a bit of humor in our daily life, and hopefully that will help me to continue with this thankless journey.
Take Care,
Gerry

Gerry, I also try to find humor and often do. Yesterday he had been driving me crazy with his accusations and hostility and, being unable to scream because of the neighbors, I started singing opera. In retrospect, I thought perhaps it was my singing that pushed him over the edge.

So, Pat, how did it go? Sometimes I wonder about these things. If they are aware enough to moderate their behaviors for the police, then they have some level of control. It's like Del trying to go through the front door at night with no clothes on. As soon as I alarmed the doors, he never tried that again. And they say they cannot learn. ???

But I am concerned that you are okay. You didn't post after that message. Let us know you are okay.

Nan

Well..geeze...I clicked on "next unread message" and came to your post which was the last one on the page. I scrolled to the bottom and saw there were no further posts on the page (that page) and didn't look to see if it was continued.

Now I see all the posts after...Boy there's egg on my face.

Nan

[quote="nandel8"] And they say they cannot learn. ???

Nan,
I believe they can learn by some experiences, I had an ugy experience with my husband just as Pat did yesterday and by my actions , my husband never did it again! I did put the fear in him enough that when other issues came up I gave him a gentle reminder him and he would back off!

We're OK. I just gave him his shower and got him dressed without incident. He's grouchy, but he's almost always grouchy. He was kind of a grouch even before Lewy. Of course, he can still be quite charming when he chooses. So, yes, they still have some level of control.

Here's an interesting observation: When he was in the dementia care facility summer 2009, he was sometimes angry and hostile toward his caregivers but was very nice to me when I visited daily. In fact, he lit up like a Christmas tree when I arrived! He even knew who I was!! But after a couple of hours he started in on me again and I would sometimes just have to leave. I guess his 'nice' is very time-limited. Or familiarity breeds contempt.

Thanks, all for your sweet concern. I feel the same care and concern for all of you. Gosh, I wish we could all get together! In fact, we should get all our Lewy Loves in one room together and we could meet in another. I wonder what would happen?

Pat, I can't tell you how often I have thought exactly that. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have some kind of a regional thing every few months where we would have a morning or afternoon to get together where our LO's were entertained or supervised in an activity program in another room. Maybe a speaker and lots of just social time for us. What a wonderfulsuport that would be.

We can dream.

Nan

I realize that this is an old thread, but I'm new here and I find it fascinating. At first my husband frequently wanted to "go home." And another theme was to "go upstairs." He'd wander around the house looking for the staircase. (We don't have a second story.) Often he thought we were at a train station, or sometimes a hospital, or a school. One day he was on his hands and knees removing a new cord with a switch I got to make it easier for him to turn off his bedside lamp. "Honey," I said, "I thought you really liked that new switch. Why are you taking it off?" "Well," he replied reasonably, "you bought it, didn't you?" "Yes." "If we own it I really don't want to leave it in this motel when we leave." Hmmm ... that is a sensible action, given his premise of where he was! I gave up trying to convince him we were home and instead tried (not always successfully) to distract him. "It's not time for us to leave yet. Let's see if there are any cookies in the cupboard and have a cup of tea." I didn't realize how common this desire to "go home" is.

It didn't get worse. He is now completely oriented to time and place. I think that this "go home" phase lasted a month or so.

You have been lucky, so far Jeanne, if it only lasted a month. My dad wanted to go home the entire 18 mo. he was in the hospital, rehab and ALF. Every time I saw him he asked me to take him home, and home sometimes varied as to where exactly it was. Lynn