Lee,

So sorry you are going through all of this. I agree...tell them you just cannot do everything. FIL could hurt himself in a fall, take the wrong medications,etc. So very sad. Hoping things look up for you soon. You will be in my thoughts and special prayer for strength to handle the situation.

Lee,
What a Nightmare your in! I can't hardly believe that they are letting him make the choice even if mentally is seems OK, he still can't do anything foir himself, they MUST see this at the Hospital. Yes I would tell them you are removing yourself from helping him anymore and force their hand.
Take care of yourself!

Lee --
Is there no higher authority you can go to on a regional or national level? If not, your best plan is as you have outlined it ... don't just tell the hospital that you will not be providing any further care assistance for your father, put it in writing. Then follow through -- that will be terribly difficult for you, I know, but only if you truly withdraw will you be able to force their hand to put him in residential care. If you do not have an answering machine, get one -- do not pick up the phone when they call, let them leave you messages (and keep the messages). Good luck!