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 Tricky Questions 
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Joined: Fri May 29, 2009 10:06 am
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Hi to all,

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to answer tricky and sad questions from their LO's. My Mum keeps saying things like - "I won't be on this earth much longer", or "My time is nearly up, and I would be much better off dead". Last night she looked for some talcum powder and when I told her I would bring it for her tomorrow she replied " I could be dead by morning." When she says these kind of things she stares at me awaiting a reply, I just always say things like - "O you will be here for a long time yet Mum". Any advice????

Annie


Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:13 am
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Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 7:02 am
Posts: 537
Location: MI
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My Mother does some of that and her Mother(no dementia) who was in a nursing home did a lot of those comments. I just say something like I'll bring it just in case
I do think they have a sense their time is limited and remind us or are afraid. I just answer something like I'll miss you or we don't know exactly when so I'll help you or bring it or whatever fits. Sometimes my Mother just wants to talk about dying Ijust try to follow what she is trying to say.
Take care
Sharon

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syt


Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:22 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
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My hubby says that too: I think I am dying...I am getting weaker, don't feel well anymore, don't think I will last another month, etc. Sometimes I wonder if he knows something I don't...do they somehow know or is this just another phase we are in?
Last trip to the neurologist I told him about it...we try to keep humor going as my LO always was big at kidding around...neuro told him "I hope not!" :) I told my hubby: Dr. needs to keep his patients in this economy, can't afford to loose one. :lol: We all had a good laugh and then went on to something else. I also tell him you will be around for another 10 years or more. It seems to help him look forward to the future. At times we discuss what it is like dying and how we hope it will be. I think it comforts him at times to be able to talk about it. You are handling it just fine...whatever comforts her.

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Dianne C.


Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:10 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:38 pm
Posts: 712
Location: CA
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Jerome says/asks this a lot as well -- "Am I dying?" "I think I'm dying" etc. My answer is that there is nothing physically wrong with him that will kill him ... no cancer, no pneumonia, etc. ... and that his physical health is pretty good, he is just weak and tired a lot and that's Lewy. He understands that and is relieved by my explaining it.

We, too, talk a fair amount about dying, what will happen after he dies, will he get to heaven, see his mother, etc., and what I will do when he is no longer with me here, and that he will have a special responsibility to watch over me ... I'm counting on it. And I remind him that we are stuck with each other for all eternity, and aren't we lucky? And I talk about how when we both get "there," it will be as our perfect selves and that will be pretty cool as no one on this earth gets to live as their perfect selves -- what a treat it will be to find out what we're each like when we are wholly perfect (though I'm pretty close now :lol: )

It helps that we are both Catholic and have a strong belief in a life after this life, and both of us feel extraordinarily connected to close ones who have gone before us and talk about them all the time (e.g. his mother, my grandmother and brother, and others).

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Renata (and Jerome-in-Heaven)


Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:39 am
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Location: Henderson, Nv.
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Renata,

We handle it pretty much the same here. I think it comforts them to know they can talk about it openly. We talk about our parents: his mom will be making him meatballs and pasta...our little dog will be so excited to see him...my mom will be making everyone laugh like always as will his dad...and when I get there all the relatives will get together for a huge poker game and we'll have a grand time. He always tells me he will be hanging around over me watching...and the last voice I hear will be his. :)
It makes him more comfortable. I do wonder though...are they feeling something we don't know about?? Do they see the end coming? Is it just another Lewy phase? So many questions, so few real answers.

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Dianne C.


Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:21 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:38 pm
Posts: 712
Location: CA
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Dianne --
I ask myself that, too -- Jerome is an intuitive spirit and I wonder if he "knows" (or will know) when his time is coming to an end, even if it is not obvious to me. That's why I never mock him or poo-poo him when he asks or says these things. I simply tell him what I know and what I observe. As Marjorie says so frequently and so truly, "it is what it is ..."

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Renata (and Jerome-in-Heaven)


Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:28 pm
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I have read that the dying process can take as long as 3 months for some people and I do believe they know more than we think they do!

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Irene Selak


Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:46 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 7:02 am
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Location: MI
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We are also a Catholic family and have strong beliefs. A couple of days before she died my Grandmother told me her Mother and sister had come to see her and that they'd return for her. It gave her comfort- she was ready to go
Sharon

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syt


Tue Jun 09, 2009 10:03 pm
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Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:11 pm
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Location: Tucson AZ
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Hi, I just lost my mom in October. She was 88 and knew that her time was short even though there was nothing majorly wrong with her. However she would say things like my time is getting closer and I won't be on this earth much longer. I think they need assurance that someone will be with them thru this process and I learned at Hospice they have a great booklet called Safe Passage. It is so good telling us how to talk about death with them and that it is a process just like being born.

I was fortunate enough for her to express what she was seeing between earth and heaven like her mom, sister the "big white man" (angel) and many beautiful children with such vivid colors around them. We talked a lot about our beliefs in heaven and what it would be like. She had alz and would forget so we'd do it again and again. Before that point she would constantly tell me her time was close. I would just say I'm sorry to hear I may be loosing you and then tell her good things about her life as my mom and all the fun and precious memories I had. It wasn't always easy because she was a bugger in her old age and I have my husband with LBD too so that put me on edge a lot. But I'm so grateful for the warning from her, knowing this season would come to an end.
Hope that helps.
Lori


Mon Jun 15, 2009 11:09 pm
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