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 Argumentative and Offensive Behavior 
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 9:44 pm
Posts: 118
Location: Nashville, Tn
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
My husband was always "passive aggressive"... so now his way of arguing is sort of "through the back door" .... don't know how to explain it actually. And he is becoming jealous and suspicious of me and now that we have a caregiver here 4 days a week - he suspects him, too. He asks me what is going on and what am I conspiring to do..... and he suspects the caregiver of a variety of things - depending on the day. He thinks I am trying to poison him with the lidocaine patch the Dr. prescribed for his leg pain.... He thinks I have him on a new medicine that might hurt him..... BUT when he is around others he is pleasant and just a sweetie pie. He doesn't yell or hit but he has looked at me like he was going to hit me so I am just waiting for the day when he just smacks me..... in fact he said the other day that he wanted to smack me.... He doesn't communicate very well but he gets out enough for me to understand what he is saying most of the time.

I have a therapist to talk to and the caregiver is pretty good to talk to because he has taken care of patients with dementia before.... but I really feel like I am losing it.... Dealing with the cognitive issues is just so much harder than dealing with the physical issues.

My husband looks great - isn't losing weight - sounds great some times.... I look terrible, yo yo on weight, and can't seem to get myself together. Cheryl ... husband with LBD and he is 59 years old.... diagnosed 8 years ago


Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:21 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
You are so right about the cognitive/behavioral issues being harder [for us] to deal with than the physical. I truly feel your pain and know what you are going through. Wish I could help but I can't even help myself. God bless!

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:57 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Cheryl - please be hyper-vigilant about your own safety. Dementia or not, you don't deserve to be abused. Have you talked with your husband's dr. about this to see if there is something she/he can do? Can you come up with a plan to get away from him if he starts to hit, throw things at you, etc.? If you have a plan in place, like locking him in a room till he calms down, or whatever it takes to keep you safe, it may be a big help to you at some future time.
My thoughts are with you and Pat and all the others out there who have to deal with this. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Nov 29, 2010 6:36 pm
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Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:53 am
Posts: 969
Location: Ocala, FL
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Pat has already written what I want to say... but I'll add my 'amen' to it.

Living with constant delusions and hallucinations often makes me feel like I've been condemned to live the rest of my life in a zoo or an asylum. It is a very lonely life. The person you love is there but the keen mind that you loved is almost gone. Conversation is always about the evil 'them' and what 'they' are planning to do. I'm lucky that my husband is never really angry but he does have moments of frustration and suspicion of what I'm doing. This is not an easy road. I'm glad I'm not alone on it. Thanks for sharing.

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Leone Carroll (75); wife of Dale (75) who passed away March 23, 2011


Mon Nov 29, 2010 6:50 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 9:44 pm
Posts: 118
Location: Nashville, Tn
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Sometimes I feel guilty even mentioning his suspicions or behavior because I read what you girls write and my situation is a piece of cake. I feel guilty that I don't handle it in stride and that I feel so trapped. I am smiling less and less and yet I know how blessed I am.... I can afford a caregiver.... he is wonderful.... my husband is kept clean (fairly), I can get out some...... It could be sooooooooo much worse...... thanks for your comments... by the way, do you guys get notices through your email that a response has popped up????? I used to, now I don't - I have to "come to the room" to find out if anyone has responded. thanks again.... Cheryl (I am 64, husband is 59)

ps... when my husband is going through a suspicious stage I sleep with my back to the wall facing the door (we sleep in rooms beside each other because of his sleep disorder). He has always been a pretty sweet guy so I am hoping he doesn't go "over the edge".... I don't know if I could live in that constant fear if he becomes too aggressive.


Mon Nov 29, 2010 11:19 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Cheryl, I don't get notices in my e-mail, either. I just click on 'View new posts' when I get on the site.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Nov 29, 2010 11:59 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2007 9:44 pm
Posts: 118
Location: Nashville, Tn
Post Re:
mockturtle wrote:
Tammy, we were just at Wally World this morning! :lol: He is able to walk with a walker but lacks the stamina to follow along throughout the whole shopping ordeal, so I park him in a central location [his walker has a seat] or let him sit on a bench between the store sections when I get to the food department. That way, I can see him each time I come down a row. When I'm finished, I just get him. I then have him seated outside the checkout stands where we can see each other. It works for now, but I'd much rather shop alone.


Tue Nov 30, 2010 1:18 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Cheryl.
The feature of recieving new posts in your private e-mail is no longer available, Sorry I miss it too! I am notified for private messages but thats it !

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Irene Selak


Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:01 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Here is a publication on coping from our website and maybe some will be interested.


http://www.lbda.org/feature/1897&cfid=9 ... hanges.htm

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Irene Selak


Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:04 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Cheryl,

My grandfather was a really sweet, quiet, gentle guy, too. Also shorter than my grandmother. But that didn't stop him from attacking her back in 1965. He was diagnosed as having Alzheimer's, but Mom's doctor says it was probably Lewy.

Don't expect that a person will remain the same person they were. That's a big part of this curse. Maybe it's parts that were always there, but controlled by their greater selves, but violence can come from anyone, anytime. Be careful, please!

Kate

_________________
Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Tue Nov 30, 2010 2:03 pm
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