View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Mon Nov 24, 2014 5:39 pm



Reply to topic  [ 130 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next
 Argumentative and Offensive Behavior 
Author Message

Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:53 am
Posts: 969
Location: Ocala, FL
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior - Nan
'Caretakers' works for me, Nan ..... :lol: And this property has lots of weeds but I'm forced to ignore them..... :mrgreen:

_________________
Leone Carroll (75); wife of Dale (75) who passed away March 23, 2011


Mon Nov 22, 2010 2:01 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
At least my dad was inhabited by a quiet, sleepy alien when I was there this morning. LOL He barely knew I was there and slept most of the time. He had eaten an enormous breakfast - usually he'll eat one or two small bites of food a day, but he had all kinds of stuff for breakfast and then drank a whole can of Ensure. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Never a dull minute, huh? LYnn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:08 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Glad you had a better day today. That's Lewy for you--the proverbial roller coaster ride. :-\

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:09 pm
Profile

Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:28 pm
Posts: 758
Location: LA
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Lynn, this may or may not help, I understand each loved one is different. When Mr Bobby was in the Senior Care facility there were visits when the most "visiting" I could do with him was to hold his hand and he knew in his far off way that I was there, then I would just sit with him. I noticed when busy families members came in talking about the hustle and bustle of the outside community, their jobs and old friends and family, Mr Bobby would show a different demeanor... usually needed medication to calm him. That was not his world anymore. On a "good" day, his comfort was uppermost in his mind, that is when I would spend my "visit" helping him shave or comb his hair or tend to his nails or massage his limbs. It was all about him. Of course, if he started a conversation, I would go along with it, if possible, like one day he asked about my mother, he was thinking about her and wanted to know how she was, the last time he talked to her, her knees were bothering her, "are they still hurting her, is she alright, I haven't seen her in a while". I assured him she was fine. I did not bother to explain that she had died in 1987. He was satisfied.

One day I walked in and Mr Bobby was having a really hard day, the nurses were gathered around him and happily told him that his wife was here. He answered, I don't have a wife any more, I called and called to her and she was talking to thosr other people and would not look my way. She brought me over to this swamp and left me so I don't have a wife anymore. Lynn, we don't know where your dad's mind has traveled and when he saw your yesterday, it may have brought back some bad thoughts that had nothing whatsoever to do with reality but today your being there reassured him of your presence and love, at some level. I believe you have reached him through all the misery and your being with him is worth whatever it required to have you with him. It is really all about him now.

This job is not for sissies. We all care.

Dorthea

_________________
"See this lady she's 85 but she's nice", This is the way my husband, Mr B., introduced me in 2006 to the people only he knew. Death due to pneumonia. Lewy Body Dementia diagnosed post mortem at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida.


Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:01 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:34 am
Posts: 54
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Mum and I took dad to his Neuro appointment on Saturday. Mum was again behaving very disconnected with dad and as we were going to sit down in another room at the ALF before the appointment he broke down and admitted to being horrible to mum and saying terrible things to her again. Mum was not with us when he told me this so I sat him in the mood room and went to get mum and made her sit down and explain what exactly went down before I arrived. And I wanted to know so I knew how to handle the situation instead of this white elephant that seems to be in the room every time we visit dad. She said when she walked into his room he was nearly on the floor and as his back is really bad at the moment and he has been in a wheelchair and he was getting down from his bed and when he saw her he said "What the f..k are you doing here?. Where is Kelli she said she was going to be here." Mum replied that if he was going to speak to her this way that she was going to go outside and she didn't come here to be spoken to like that." She was crying at his stage telling me this and it is the first time she has shown any emotion. She doesn't want me to know all the stuff that is happening but she is getting tired of visiting and getting the same reaction every time. So I told her she can tell me these things and that I WANT to know otherwise I am none the wiser. Then I went into dad and though he was in not a real good state of mind due to the patch he is currently on I got down to his level and held his face and said firmly " YOU can not talk to mum like that OK. You are always telling me how much you love her so DO NOT talk to her like that" For what good it would have done he was very remorseful and always is after the act but of course the damage is done and mum is spent. While we were waiting at the neuro he tried to hold her hand and touch her hair and mum is just sooo, well repulsed is probably too strong a word but I don't how else to describe the reaction, it made me well up looking at him trying to make up but there is no forgiveness left.
I visited dad yesterday and he said that the delusions are nearly all day and I asked him if he was having one when mum arrived on Saturday and he started telling me a story that sort of made me think he was in the middle of a delusion when mum walked and it startled him. So we talked at length about how mum is feeling and he is soo remorseful and frustrated that the disease is doing this to him and very upset because he can see it happening but defenceless to do anything to stop it. It breaks my heart. The advice I gave mum was that if she visits she should either have someone bring dad out into the common area or have a staff member with her when she greets dad as I don't think he would lash out in the presence of others. It was just a thought.
Dad is currently on the morphine patch which has made his hallucinations more prevelant and the neuro prescribed an anti spasmotic tablet for his back as it is apparently a Parkinsons symptom getting muscle spasms in the lower back like he is. Today the ALF are taking him for x rays on his back and then organising a weekly physiotherapy appointment for him which I think will do him a world of good. The RN there is leaving in ten days and I am really going to miss her as she has been a great source of understanding and knowledge to Dad and I. Dad was however a lot more mobile yesterday than the weekend. He couldn't walk, but yesterday he was still stooped but able to get around.


Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:46 pm
Profile

Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:28 pm
Posts: 758
Location: LA
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Kelli, I try to stay out of things that are not my business but your messages give me such deep feelings. You are really coming through this with a love for your parents and I think your understanding is beautiful. Once when Mr Bobby had not been very nice [understatement] to me and I reacted with firmness, I was cautious about seeing him the nixt morning. I went into his room with a happy face and smiling. As I went about my duties as if nothing had happened and began singing, "Let me Call You Sweetheart", when it came to the words, "let me hear you whisper, that you love me too", he sang in echo, "I love you too". A bit later he told me that he thought yesterday he did not have a sweetheart anymore.

It seems to me there is a lot of water under the bridge and no one will ever know how this separateness came about but you love them both and, bless your heart, both of your parents are huring. You are a daughter to be proud of.

Like I told Lynn, your job is not for sissies. Neither your or Lynn can be called a Sissy. We care.

Dorthea

_________________
"See this lady she's 85 but she's nice", This is the way my husband, Mr B., introduced me in 2006 to the people only he knew. Death due to pneumonia. Lewy Body Dementia diagnosed post mortem at Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville Florida.


Mon Nov 22, 2010 7:41 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Aug 11, 2010 2:34 am
Posts: 54
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Dorthea, with tears in my eyes, I say thank you.


Mon Nov 22, 2010 8:36 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Thanks for all the sage advice, the support and friendship. I'm at my dad's now and he's not having a very good day at all. I have been sitting quietly, holding his hand and trying to make him comfortable. He had a bath when I first got here and was in terrible pain from the bath (this is a first) so I asked them to give him some morphine for the pain. I keep trying to get him to go to sleep but I think because I'm here he keeps opening his eyes.
He is usually freezing, so the heat is up and he's covered up. Since he's now complaining of "burning up" I'm uncovering him and recovering - that seems to be my job for the day!
I asked him if he'd like a massage and he adamantly said "no"! He's so bony now that anyone touching him seems to cause him pain today.
Waiting for the hospice nurse to see how she assesses him today.....
Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:07 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Lynn, you and your dad are in my prayers! Hugs, Pat

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:26 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
All of you who talk about this being a roller coaster ride - well, that is definitely our situation this week. Expected all night to get a call to drive back to my dad's, he was in such bad shape last night. Instead, we get to the ALF this morning and he's dressed, in his recliner screaming "get me outta here. I wanna leave town. Why aren't you taking me out of this place?" I think his pressure sore was hurting being in the chair so we asked that they put him back in bed. After a new Fentanyl patch and lying down he's quieted down some.
He asked my sister to feed him icecream and some Sprite. He had a whole Dixie cup of icecream and a whole Sprite. Go figure. Last night he couldn't swallow water or juice, but his swallowing is ok today.
My kids talked to him on the phone and told him they loved him and that he's done so much and taught them so much. My dad was crying, the boys were crying, and so was my sister. My youngest son said "Mom, you are always keeping it together for everyone else. When you need someone to talk to you call me any time." That's when I really lost it. He's such a sensitive young man (and to think he was a pain in the a** teenager just a few short years ago!). Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:12 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Lynn, it's not uncommon to see a last spurt of activity near the end. It's usually short-lived. It's a shame that he is still having so much pain. IMHO, a hospice patient should never be having severe pain. Keeping the patient comfortable is the highest priority. I hurt for him and for you, Lynn. Hugs from afar!

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:28 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
I think his being in the chair was not a good idea, even though it seemed like a nice little change of scenery for him. He's now resting comfortably and hasn't needed his noon morphine dose. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Nov 25, 2010 1:31 pm
Profile

Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Lynn,
This might be the calm before the storm!

_________________
Irene Selak


Sat Nov 27, 2010 6:43 pm
Profile WWW

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
What's amazing to me at this point is that his pressure sore, which is no longer being treated with oral antibiotics, has not become so bad that he has sepsis. It's not like he is even eating healthy foods, protein, etc. I guess his genetics are kind of like his great aunt who lived to 96, was very healthy except the last year or so, was a chain smoker and drank tall glasses of Scotch every day. At 93 she "temporarily stopped smoking" because she was in the hosp. with pneumonia. She'd say very defensively "I didn't QUIT smoking, I've just temporarily stopped." LOL She was a tough old bird till the end! Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sat Nov 27, 2010 6:49 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:53 am
Posts: 969
Location: Ocala, FL
Post Smoking - Lynn
You reminded me of a funny memory, Lynn.... Dale's mother was a chain smoker. She lit one cigarette off of the other most of her life. Toward the end when she was in a nursing home, she wanted us to write a letter to Liggett-Myer to tell them that their cigarettes didn't kill her. Obviously, she didn't quit either. (Actually, she had breast cancer and a stroke.)

_________________
Leone Carroll (75); wife of Dale (75) who passed away March 23, 2011


Sat Nov 27, 2010 7:36 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 130 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
Localized by Maël Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr