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 Argumentative and Offensive Behavior 
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 4:32 pm
Posts: 7
Post Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Hi Everyone,
My question is, my Dad has always been an extreme personality but now he is much much more so. He is always picking a fight with my Mom and jealous of her girlfriends and is verbally offensive. She doesn't know how to talk to him. She's always waited on him hand and foot. So she doesn't know how to stand up to him. He's totally unreasonable. Is this typical of lbd or is it just him?
Can anyone relate? Any suggestions?
Thanx Friends,
Linny


Sat May 23, 2009 10:30 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:38 pm
Posts: 712
Location: CA
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VERY typical -- aggressiveness and even violence can become major issues in those with LBD. There have been a number of threads dealing with this so if you do a search up above on "aggressive" or "violence" you'll find some good info and coping techniques.

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Renata (and Jerome-in-Heaven)


Sun May 24, 2009 12:37 pm
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 4:32 pm
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Thanx Renata,
Still familiarizing myself around here. I'll check out the search. :D
Linny


Sun May 24, 2009 1:23 pm
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 4:32 pm
Posts: 7
Post Redirecting conversations?
Hi, I've read this term used a fee times here - redirecting conversations -can anyone expand on how you do that, maybe some examples? I understand the cocept but how do you maneuver conversations around someone that is still pretty clever and manipulative? I love my Dad but he's always had a mean streak and he's so much worse now. Everything is all about him. If his feelings are hurt or he's jealous, he's so ugly to Mom especially, but to my sister and myself as well.
He quizzes Mom on what her and her friend talked about and other things too. He wants to be in control of everything. (all this from his chair). :? He can't do much of anything as he has PD, LBD, Neuropathy, COPD, diabetes, heart trouble etc...the list goes on. He's 69 and been I'll for many years. But we just found out about LBD. He's had it for awhile now, probably 2 yrs. But it really showed up when he checked himself out of the hospital blazing mad and jealous about his friend supposedly in love with my mother, with only his walker, no CO2, taxied to the airport, emergency landing at JFK, walked out of that hospital and caught the next plane to his final destination, my sisters home, then went directly to the hospital again. (where he got his energy I'll never know).
:shock: He is pretty amazing. LOL
Anyway, I'm really interested in the topic of redirecting or any other strategies. Thanx ahead of time. :)
Linny


Sun May 24, 2009 1:41 pm
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Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2009 7:43 pm
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I put a positive spin on anything that I can. If he's concerned about your mother perhaps you can tell him that it shows how much he loves her and that he should know she loves him very much as well. It's really hard to be mean to someone who is telling you how much they love you.

I think everyone wants some control over their lives.

I try to give my mom some choices... which outfit to wear, etc. If your dad felt he was in charge of some decisions it may help.


Tue Dec 29, 2009 8:36 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 5:04 am
Posts: 14
Location: New Zealand
Post Behavioral isues
Hi linney
I have just read your posting on your Dad's behaviour and did it ring a bell!
My husband sounds so similar - I know he loves me dearly and while he has always been very controlling, I have always done everything. I don't know when he last even tried to make a cup of tea, let alone anything around the home or garden. He gets very anxious/ jealous if I am not close by and relies on me to be there to fill in the missing gaps if we have company. He has always had a huge personality and charm, but it is always "all about me!" He has also got or had many health problems - prostate cancer, loss of hearing, deteriorating eyesight, car accident 20 years ago that has left him unable to walk more than 5 minutes at a tme and now LBD!! This he doesn't really believe is so, even though he can no longer drive a car or read. I have to dial the phone numbers, turn on the TV, etc.etc.and explain what is happening on the various programs............great fun. Then i feel guilty at getting tired and frustrated at the little things, while the big decisions are now solely mine to make as he cannot comprehend things like finances or what is likely to change in our life style. My family are very good but find it hard to understand how their father can be so good one day and totally impossible the next. Now doesn't that sound like a "poor me" moan..


Tue Jan 05, 2010 8:09 pm
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Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:27 pm
Posts: 146
Location: Fl.
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Just came home today from a test she had to have. I just don't understand how quick she can change. Her behavoir is just getting so angry and confused, delerious.. Hard to deal with when you are by yourself.
I just have no one to talk to and this I love her but after no sleep for so long and everything. It is hard by youself. She is really getting to refuse so much.Refusing to use any bathroom anywhere we go. I almost couldn't get her out of the car to go in the house.
Been on the phone to the doctor and her doctor is out of town for 3 weeks. Hoping she will go tomorrow to see the Dr. standing in for her to check for infection and re-evauate her meds. I know a infection can really set her off.
Sorry just venting. It is funny when I was getting ready to do this and everyone was coming to me and said anytime you need me I will be glad to help. I will come by and sit with her so you can have a break or take a shower! No one, No one is around. I am thankful I have the Lord. Don't get me wrong my Husband is great with her, but she loves him and he really only see's the good side most the time. After he gets home from work. sorry I guess I just needed to vent. Shoot I can't even cry.
Ty for listening,
Tammy

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I Can Do All Things Through Christ Which Strengthens Me! Phil. 4:13


Tue Jan 12, 2010 5:32 pm
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Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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Tammy,

Maybe you need to have a family/friends meeting with all the people who said they'd help, and re-evaluate the situation? You can often find a social worker, elder care planner, or member of the clergy to help with those sorts of conversations.

How about placing your mother in a facility for 2 weeks so you can get some respite? That's one advantage of hospice. Respite is part of the package.

Robin


Tue Jan 12, 2010 6:10 pm
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Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:49 pm
Posts: 41
Post Argumentative and Offensive Behavior
Tammy
I know what you mean about all the people saying "i'll help any way i can, do anything you need, come sit with them so you can have some time away". I still have people doing that. I'll tell someone how tired I am and how I haven't slept in weeks and I just don't think I can do it anymore if I don't get any help and they'll say "well just let me know if you need some help". DUH!! I just told you, you idiot! And I'm not one to "beg" anyone for "anything". I let you know I need something and if you don't say anything then i know you don't want to do it.

It's especially irritating when it's his family that does this. You'd think they cared enough about their own father or brother that they'd want to spend time with him when they don't know how much longer he'll be here!
Hang in there. God will never let you down. It seems like when I can't take any more, He sends an answer!

I've got someone coming today to evaluate my husband to see if he's eligible for hospice. I was told by the hospice in my city that he wasn't elligible because he's still mobile. The one in another city that I called yesterday said that's not true and they will be here today!

I also get 3 hrs respite care a week through the Family Caregiver Support Program that is at the Senior Center in my city. She called me yesterday and said the government had given them more funding and they had added something new. They will pay for 3 days and nights for him in a rest home so that I can go on a "VACATION". Wow, what's that!!! I can either do that or they will pay someone of my own choice to come sit with him anytime I want, up to $500 a year! I'm getting the papers signed and back to her tomorrow so I can call someone to come sit with him the next night so I can sleep. I chose that way because I didn't want to use all the time at once because I know I'll need some more time later on too! You need to check in on that. That 3 hrs. a week respite care gives me time to get out and get groceries and run errands. It's not like resting but it gets me out of the house! Thank God for it!
Vicki

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GinnyL


Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:09 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
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Vicki, I'm so glad you're getting some help! I'm working on getting a few hours a week, too. The sleep deprivation is the worst part of my caregiver role, but it would also be nice to go to the store by myself once in a while.

I have Philippians 4:13 [Tammy's sig] in cross-stitch on my kitchen wall and it encourages me daily. But, sometimes, strength is not what we need, but rather total submission to His care and comfort. I hope you will yield to His comfort and get your poor, depleted batteries recharged. God bless you!


Wed Jan 13, 2010 11:25 am
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Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:27 pm
Posts: 146
Location: Fl.
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Mockturtle & Vicki,
You are right. Phil:4:13, He is my strength. If it was not for him I would have craked already. I thank Him every night for getting me through the Day and Thank Him in the Morning for being with me in the day to come. He will never let us down!
Tell me something, How do ya'll go shopping with your LO. I didn't think about it and went to wally world and started to get sopme stuff and pow it hit me, I am standing there pushing Mom in the transport chair, and not where to put anything. I had a good size list and I could get a 1/4 of it. What ever I could half way carry in my hands and push. lol How do ya'll do it?
I did finally get my mom on Seroquel, to help with the violent outburst and help her sleep at night. Looking forward to all of us having a good night sleep!
Tammy

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I Can Do All Things Through Christ Which Strengthens Me! Phil. 4:13


Wed Jan 13, 2010 6:12 pm
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
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When people offer their services such as let me know if I can do anything , at that moment you could reply with well as a matter of fact I could use someone to stay while I can get out to the store and run errands! They are giving you an opening so I suggest you use it !

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Irene Selak


Wed Jan 13, 2010 6:46 pm
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Tammy, we were just at Wally World this morning! :lol: He is able to walk with a walker but lacks the stamina to follow along throughout the whole shopping ordeal, so I park him in a central location [his walker has a seat] or let him sit on a bench between the store sections when I get to the food department. That way, I can see him each time I come down a row. When I'm finished, I just get him. I then have him seated outside the checkout stands where we can see each other. It works for now, but I'd much rather shop alone.


Wed Jan 13, 2010 8:18 pm
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Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2010 5:27 pm
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Location: Fl.
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I am glad you are able to do that. My mom, she would try her hardest to go out side if she thought i was taking to long. Waiting is not her thing. It can get her agittated quicker than anything. Then all she wants to do is go home. Today after having to wait for me at my doctors with my son, she had to go to the doctors after me, by the time she got out of there I had to get her prescription filled, I almost did not get her out of the car. I would of gone thru Drive tru but I had to pick up a few things there because I have been tring for 2 days to go to the store to get things and after the doc apointments she has had, she gets so tired and agitated, she is impossible. Her delusions will start kicking in. I just love her and go home. Try to calm her on the long drive home. Put things off for another day. But the Lord is Good!!
Irene; Today I had to Sisters from Church tell me that they will come by next week to let mom get to know them and comftorble with them so I can get a break every once and a while. Itook them up on it! Who knows maybe my husband and I can go on a date again. It has been a while since we have had anytime together at all.
Mockturtle, I am glad it works for you! I wish it did for me. Enjoy!! :)
Tammy

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I Can Do All Things Through Christ Which Strengthens Me! Phil. 4:13


Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:45 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
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We can only do this shopping thing in the morning. Afternoons or evenings, I would never attempt it, as he gets very delusional and agitated then. We go early in the morning [we get up at 5:00AM, so that's not difficult! :( ] and are back home by no later than 10. He does get very impatient, but I do have to buy food! :wink:


Thu Jan 14, 2010 1:03 am
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