View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:47 am



Reply to topic  [ 45 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
 Help! Hygiene and toliet tissue 
Author Message

Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:54 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Highwood, IL
Post Help! Hygiene and toliet tissue
I'm not even sure how to ask this question, but after talking to a friend who's mother in law has Alzheimer's, I'm finding that my Mom isn't the only one with this particular behavior problem.

Ok, here it is......Is anyone else having problems with their LO not knowing that the dirty toliet tissue goes into the toliet to be flushed? My mom has lost the understanding that the tissue and feces are to stay in the toliet and to be flushed down. Instead, after she goes, she pulls the tissue and feces out and puts them in the waste paper basket then will rinse her hands off, in the toliet, sometimes the sink...but doesnt use soap.

I try to catch her and help direct her into leaving the 'stuff' in there to flush and I ask her to wash her hands with soap. Sadly this becomes a big fight with her and with me being completely disgusted. She thinks after she has had her hands in the toliet and they got wet that she already washed them. Today when I witnessed this behavior yet again, I said, "Oh Mom we can just throw that tissue in there and flush it done." She looked at me as if to kill and then with all her might slams the tissue and feces into the toliet and of course splashing water and all, all over the place, yelling at me "There! Are you happy now? You don't know what you are doing and I'm telling Bob when he comes home." I apologize to her and ask her then to wash her hands with soap and water. Then with her face all scrunched up she comes at me, trying to push me away and screaming at me. I cringe as I see her hands coming to me, I don't want to be touched by them, nor do I want her to touch anything else until they are washed. It's a terrible fight we go through everyday, especially as she is getting more and more aggressive and violent with me.

Is there anyway to change this? I know I'm probably asking the impossible. But possibly another approach someone can offer. I just can't help but worry about how many germs she may be spreading about the house and don't want her or any of us getting sick by it.

Thanks in advance for any and all help!!!!


Tue May 05, 2009 11:07 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post 
As you know, issues around toileting are common.

Could take advantage of the swine flu outbreak to glove up and mask up yourself so at least you are somewhat protected?

I'd just let her put the tissues and feces in the trash can, and then just toss the trash bag after every event. Think of it like a baby's diaper. Or if you got one of those baby diaper disposal machines, could she use that?

Buy some good quality wipes such as the Tena brand. Keep a box of them in the bathroom. Tell her with swine flu gong around you need to wipe her hands really well after toileting. As long as you clean the hands really well, I don't think it matters where they've been or what they've touched.

If she's on an antipsychotic, perhaps speak with the MD about slightly increasing the dose to see if that helps.

You could consider hiring an aide, who might have an easier time dealing with her on the toileting issues.

Do your best to find humor (maybe your own private joke) or relax in the situation. I know it's hard. You'll get through it! (You're already doing a great job!)


Tue May 05, 2009 11:20 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2009 4:11 pm
Posts: 31
Location: N Calif
Post 
Wow! Terrible thing to have to deal with ! Sorry-
Good suggestions from Robin-- Also, try to understand why she feels the need to do this-- As a child she may have had to do something special with her toileting. As example-My husband grew up on a farm in the midwest with an outhouse 50 feet behind the house, so in cold winter nights his family had a pee bucket on the back porch. I found out this info after he peed in our small waste basket a few months ago. His sister told me of this history. This also explains why,a few days earlier, I found him sitting in the bathroom sink. To a small boy the outhouse seat might have looked similar in size and shape to our sink counter. These are just 2 of the reasons that I try to accompany him on every bathroom trip. Not all of the waste deposit stories are funny, most are downright disgusting ,like yours, but in a few months, you too will crack a smile on remembering this situation.
Yesterday I thought he was sleeping in his recliner, so I was doing garden chores, I came in hearing water running-he was washing his hands after using the toilet, but the floor beside the sink had a yellow puddle-the toilet was 5 steps away. He of course didn't remember how that happened. I guess our only course is for us to watch constantly as if they were 2 year olds, but keep them thinking we are doing it because we are their best friends .
Good luck--Keep trying--and find a way to give yourself plenty of breaks.

_________________
Di


Fri May 08, 2009 1:41 pm
Profile

Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post 
Bethann,
Perhaps your mom needs more assistance in the bathroom, its so hard when dealing with a demented person who really think their way is the correct way but I agree getting upset yourself is actually making matters worse, let her do what she needs to do and then as Robin said Glaove up and get her hands washed well. I know this has to be a hard issue for you but sadly it does come with it. Good Luck!

_________________
Irene Selak


Fri May 08, 2009 9:34 pm
Profile WWW

Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 11:27 pm
Posts: 84
Post 
Isn't it awful the toilet issues. Everytime my LO goes into the bathroom its a surprise as to if the floor will be wet, I have resigned myselt to the fact that I am now the pee cleaner. On a good day maybe there is none, but now more than ever its there. He wares depends and its getting harder for him to figure out how to put them on, I'm afraid one day he'll come out with them on his head. The other night I had to go to a meeting for the Adult Day Care center he goes to, of course I had to take him because I have no one to watch him at night. After telling him to make sure he goes to the bathroom before we leave, because usually he will be good for 2 hours, when we get there into the meeting he has to go, so I take him to the bathroom and they have a urinal, so he goes up to it and pees on the floor, so my janitor duties kick in hear, and I am trying to remain calm but sometimes I just loose it. The Adult Center he currrently attends 5 days a week is closing, so the other one they have as location one is going to take some of the clients over to the new location, but not for 5 days, maybe 3 or 4 days a week. Talk about leaving a lasting impression on them with him peeing on the floor, thank God I was able to clean it up before anyone else came in. My LO has now developed a new fixation, its the belts that keep up the pants, he is constantly changing them, saying they are not working right, where this comes from who knows. :cry:

B


Sat May 09, 2009 11:43 am
Profile

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post 
I go on this site at least twice a day and read all the posts, most of the time I know exactly what is being said. I read where some were using a urinal, so I decided to get one. It is a time saver, If I'm the one holding the urinal. I've gone into the bathroom to make sure everything is going OK. Frank's had the urinal upside down, or holds it above or below his equipment, much safer to be the designated holder. I do have to smile when I read so many of the posts and completely understand.

Happy Mother's Day to everyone, and I waiting for a "Caregivers Day".

Take Care, Gerry


Sat May 09, 2009 10:26 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
Post 
Gerry,

Could have written your post myself :) We use the urinal too and yes, I have to help or he may have it upside down, sideways or whatever while going on the floor. I do like the title of "designated holder" sounds a bit more sophisticated than "urinal assistant". Easier in the long run if I hold the urinal...less floor cleanup. Lately I have him stand on a throw rug while using the urinal in case he drips its much easier throwing the rug in the washer than scrubbing tile floors :) We always have to be alert and one step ahead of them don't we?

Happy Mothers Day to all!

I second the motion...grand idea...lets have a National Caregivers Day!

_________________
Dianne C.


Sun May 10, 2009 3:06 am
Profile

Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
Post 
While we are on the toileting issue I have a little story to tell.
A couple of nights ago The Lion King opened here. I told my LO instead of going out for Mothers Day lets get tickets and go to opening night for a nice evening out. Tickets were pricey but we decided to splurge. He agreed he would like that too. We get dressed nice, go to the bathroom prior to leaving the house and go to the theatre. Sure enough... doors open for seating..he decides he had to go to the bathroom. I did not have the urinal with me and could not go in with him to the mens room. He didn't come out for some time so I knew something was amiss. Finally he appears in the doorway...wet all over the front of his pants and down the legs. What to do???? I tied my jacket around his waist, put a bag over his seat and saw the wonderful show...at that price I was not going home without seeing it. By end of the show he was almost dry. Sure enough...had to go again. Same result...wet all over his pants. So he followed close behind me so people would not see as we exited the theatre and waited for the valet to bring the car. I then opened the trunk, pulled out a large trash bag I keep in there for this purpose, covered the car set with it, put him in the car and came home. After a nice shower and clean Depends and jammies...we retired while recalling the wonderful show. Thank goodness for jackets and trash bags!

_________________
Dianne C.


Sun May 10, 2009 3:34 am
Profile

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:18 pm
Posts: 835
Location: Acton, MA
Post 
I have a bag in the trunk with a clean set of underwear, socks, pants and a sweatshirt, so if we have a problem and a place to change we're all set. I have found that more and more places are installing "family or companion" bathrooms, they have been a life saver.
Take care, Gerry


Sun May 10, 2009 8:01 am
Profile

Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
Post 
Dianne,
If faced with this issue again while out get a hold of a manager, they often have a"another" place you could have taken your LO , believe me they have heard it all, I did it all the time in restuarants and always have urinal. I am glad you were so resourseful and were able to still enjoy the play!

_________________
Irene Selak


Sun May 10, 2009 9:29 am
Profile WWW

Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:54 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Highwood, IL
Post 
Thanks everyone for all your replies.

robin, I think I will try the 'swine flu' suggestion, although my mom can't really put together what we are saying, it certainly won't hurt to try it.


This last Friday after I had posted this I had a melt down. It was going to be a busy day because I had to drive an hour south to go to my great aunt's wake/funeral and that drive would be during Chicago's rush hour, meaning it will take 2 hours instead of 1. And being Mother's Day weekend and having the family over on Sunday I knew I had shopping and cleaning to get done as well. Well, as things like this always seem to go south when you really need it to run smooth, Mom woke up and was very difficult, she decided she didnt need help with her shower and getting dressed. Finally after convincing mom that she cant go out in just her shirt, panties, and shoes and socks, she had finally gotten pants on, I left it at that, wasn't going to argue about wearing a bra, I was already tired and the day had just begun. After breakfast I seen her head into the bathroom, giving her a minute or two I started on the dishes, then I heard the splashing of the water, I hurried and headed into the bathroom, just in time to see mom's hands dripping with feces in her hand and her not exactly knowing what to do with it. I asked her to put it in the toliet and I got the familiar "What??? We don't do that here!!" Oh dear God! I hurried to shut the door a crack as I spoke through it, fearing she was going to fling it at me, and asked her again. "Please Mom, just throw that in the toliet and we will wash your hands." Thankfully she did drop it in the toliet but then put her hands in as well to 'wash' them. I told her then, "Don't put your hands in there, it's dirty and full of germs, we can wash your hands right here in the sink." Then the arguement started....She had already washed her hands!! and I don't know what I am talking about. Well, the tears started with me, I started to beg her through my tears to "Please Mom, wash your hands in the sink and here's the soap to use." For some reason my tears seemed to work and she washed her hands WITH soap too. But then phone rang, and I ran to answer it....without flushing the toliet...*sigh*...I tell the caller to call back in a few minutes and go back to Mom in the bathroom....and here she is, holding the feces again in her hand. That's when the melt down started for me, so again I beg her through my sobbing tears at this point, to put the feces in the toliet and to wash her hands with soap. Thankfully she followed my instructions, but of course had to add that I dont know what I'm doing and I did all of the mess in there. Sadly to say the rest of the day was horrible with her moods. I was able to make it down to my great aunts wake but didn't make it to the funeral the next day...my mind was so full and fuzzy when I started packing that I never packed a shirt!!??

When I got home, my mom's partner told me he checked my Mom's urine and he thinks the reason she has taken a turn so quick in the last 2 weeks is she may possibly have a urine infection. He took the sample to the lab where we have a standing order there and now we wait for the results. Of course, I don't want her to be sick at all with anything, but I am praying that it is an infection and once she gets on antibiotics she will go back to her 'normal' self...meaning she won't be so aggressive and mean to me. Oh Please, Please, Please!!!!!!!

Ok, I've got to run and finish up cleaning and cooking, thankfully my brothers and sister in law and kids won't be here til this afternoon, gives me plenty of time! LOL

Happy Mother's Day to all!!!!!


Sun May 10, 2009 10:27 am
Profile

Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
Post 
bethann,

Oh my, I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time. It was exhausting reading your last posts. I did have a thought that hopefully may help. Perhaps this will reduce the stress of your Mom arguing with you to wash her hands when she "already did." I bought some of that dish soap that comes out in a foam. One night when we came back from an outing I just happened to put a dab of that foam on my hands and wash them...because I was going to handle food. My LO saw it and thought that was pretty neat. Due to the swine flu we are washing hands a lot...he thinks its neat to use the foam. Don't think it can hurt other than make hands a bit drier so I keep hand lotion by the sink. Maybe your mom will be fascinated by the foam and wish to use that for hand washing. Hopefully? Maybe? Hope it may help.
Bless you for caring for your Mom...I wish mine was alive so I could care for her. Hard as it is...you are doing a great job.

_________________
Dianne C.


Sun May 10, 2009 11:48 am
Profile

Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 11:27 pm
Posts: 84
Post 
Thank you so much for bringing up the urinal. I never even thought of that. We do have one that the hospital gave us, so I gave it a try today explaining that I thought this would be easier for him. Went through the routine on what to do, drop pants, pull down depends then put your friend in the bottle. Lets see how long it works its worth a try. It all seems funny when we talk about it, but in my alone time it breaks my heart to see how John is now and how the simpliest of things is such a chore for him. Lord give us all the strength and patience to continue to do our best.

B


Sun May 10, 2009 4:41 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2009 1:54 pm
Posts: 8
Location: Highwood, IL
Post 
Thank you Dianne C, She might go for that. I'm adding it to my grocery list. :D

We had a good day today, no, better than good it was pretty great. :D

It didn't start out the best but somehow it turned for the better. Her kids and grandkids were coming over for a bbq and visit. That's always a good thing for her since they don't live close by and it can be some time before she see's them. Then once they get here there is so much going on that she just has a great time. I love it! How great it was not to witness any temper tantrums and instead to see a very happy mom. *big sigh of relief aaaahhhhhhhhh*

I hope everyone else had a wonderful day today as well. :)

Hoping for many more happy days!


Sun May 10, 2009 11:17 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
Post 
bethann,

Glad you had a great day! It feels so good to have a good one. We appreciate them more and more. :)

Bless all caregivers and a Happy Mothers Day if you are or aren't one.

_________________
Dianne C.


Mon May 11, 2009 2:38 am
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 45 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
Localized by Maël Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr