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 Coping with Violence: If Your Loved One Changes 
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
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Shawna,
Sorry to hear that your husband has been back in the Psych hospital, this is so tough but as you say very hard dealing with this type of behavior on your own at home. I hope they find the correct combination of meds for him.

As to the mention of Risperdal in some of the above posts , there are people who take it and do OK on it. Just like Seroquel some tolorate it OK other do not. I say with all drugs start low and slow and just being aware there is a potential risk and being able to see when there is a problem quickly is much of the battle but when some LBD'ers become so combative sometimes you just have to go the drug route.

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Irene Selak


Fri Jan 09, 2009 8:19 am
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Joined: Sat Oct 27, 2007 9:16 pm
Posts: 165
Location: tennessee
Post violence
Shawna, thank you for responding. You have helped me so much by letting me know my posting was of value to you. There are so many areas where we caregivers are helpless, isn't it wonderful that sharing our expericences here can take away some of that feeling of impotence. It's not just what we receive here that helps us, although that is huge, it's what we can give. (If we ever write our book, maybe that should be mentioned.) Melinda

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Would have despaired...


Fri Jan 09, 2009 11:19 am
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Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 12:23 pm
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Post My mom kicked the Aid
My mom kicked the Aid, and at first she was very apologetic, but now she says she didn't even touch her. The problem is she is in a home and I am afraid if this keeps up they will say she needs a psych ward. She is still very high functioning, but she is an attention seeker.


Wed Jan 14, 2009 8:54 pm
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Joined: Mon Apr 28, 2008 9:12 pm
Posts: 40
Post Violence
Thank you all for your posts. My hubby hasn't been physically violent yet and he has never been in our marriage and maybe he never will be.But there have been times when I sense an anger that I can't assauge. I get very fearful. He gets so frustrated. So I appreciate your discussion of what works to calm things down. It happens and then a few days later, I wonder what made me so upset. But as you all know, it will rear the ugly head again. Tonight we spoke as if all were well, but the underpants were wet and backwards and his parents had never died and I had never left for a few hours today as he and his caregiver had watched the Bucket List.
So Sad
Love to all!


Fri Jan 30, 2009 10:39 pm
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
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My LO has not been physically violent..yet. However he has bouts of very nasty attitude and abusive remarks. Tells me I am not taking good care of him, neglect him, etc. I spend every minute of every day taking care of him, the house, cooking, never ending laundry, folding clothes, paying bills, etc. I feel so burned out sometimes and it is as though it is never enough. Silly as it sounds, if he had 3 nurses/maids caring for him I doubt even that would be enough to please him. Is this normal for the disease or is he trying to push my buttons? My children say they feel I have spoiled him too much due to the illness to the point he has become like a spoiled brat. Any advice?

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Dianne C.


Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:00 am
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
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Dianne C,
He's not trying to push your buttons but apparently that's the result. Sounds like you could use some regular time away. (We all need this.)
Robin


Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:16 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
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It is hard but patients is the answer, if you keep reminding your self he is demented and really can't control his actions and I know this is hard to do but it is a must for survival on your part.
Good Luck and try and get a away a bit, take people up on their offers of help if there are anyone who has offered.

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Irene Selak


Mon Feb 02, 2009 7:47 am
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Joined: Fri May 11, 2007 12:54 pm
Posts: 115
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My loved one threatened violence quite often at the beginning. She never followed through, but it was because of threatening suicide and threatening to shoot her neighbor (she never owned a gun or fired one) that the doctors finally listened to us. They finally hospitalized her and got her on the right medicines to control the psychiatric problems that were ruining her life. Don't get me wrong she still knew how to put the guilt trip on me which was very hard not to take personally. I knew it was because of the disease, but it was still hard to deal with every day. I agree with Irene and Robin. Try to get regular time away from your loved one to recharge your own batteries. It will do both of you a world of good.


Mon Feb 02, 2009 9:58 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Henderson, Nv.
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Thanks everyone for your helpful tidbits. :) It is getting more difficult for me to get away. I stay in the house more and more. LO has alienated a lot of friends and family. He is jealous of many of them and verbally abused them till they no longer come to visit. When I go out..just for a couple of hours..he gets very agitated and upset so when I come home I know what I am in for...shouting, more verbal abuse, how "I don't care for him and am a mean person." This reaction may go on for a couple of days if everything doesn't go "his way." I mostly try to ignore it but it does have an affect on ones self esteem after hearing it over and over. Thanks for the support.

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Dianne C.


Mon Feb 02, 2009 1:28 pm
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
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Location: Henderson, Nv.
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I am a very patient person so when I loose my patience it takes a lot for me to loose it. It is just so difficult to understand..no need to tell you that after all you have been through...we hardly ever argued in 33 years and now to have so many...we rarely said a cross word to each other..now all of these demeaning verbal abuses...we were loving soul mates...and now we are like two strangers. I know it is so difficult for him. I would make it better for him if it were in my power. I try to hang onto "what we were" not what we have become. The sadness is sometimes more than I can bear. Its like loosing your husband, lover, best friend all at the same time. I am not angry at him but at the disease. All of our wonderful plans for our "golden years"...now just fond memories. And yet, when I read how terrible others have it...I feel guilty for complaining.

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Dianne C.


Tue Feb 03, 2009 4:15 am
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Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 7:02 am
Posts: 537
Location: MI
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don'tfeel guilty- I run out of patience too. Mother becomes very afraid if I'm out of her sight- no matter how much we explain, try to reason with them etc. I keep reminding myself think 3 year old.
It is hard to know so much of what you dream and worked for is gone. Ain't fair.
Sharon

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syt


Tue Feb 03, 2009 8:21 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
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Location: Henderson, Nv.
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For the past few weeks he has been very agreeable and almost normal...whatever that is. Oh how I relish these "up" times. :) It almost makes me forget the low dips of LBD. Keeping my fingers crossed it will last for a while.

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Dianne C.


Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:28 pm
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Joined: Sat May 16, 2009 3:24 am
Posts: 9
Location: Northern NY
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Does anyone know if there is an alternative to medicating an LBD patient so they are not violent? Things have progressed to the point with my mother that if she is not on ativan (in hospital by injection), she is out of control combative, violent and screaming. So it seems our choices are to have her bedridden and calm, or ambulatory and violent. She is still in the hospital and awaiting nursing home placement (she just got kicked out of her 3rd assisted living facility last week). However, we are having a tough time finding even a nursing home that will take her. Obviously, she is way beyond home care. It is such a nightmare to watch such a wonderful person deteriorate into this.


Tue May 19, 2009 4:12 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 08, 2008 10:30 pm
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Location: Henderson, Nv.
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LindaE.

Don't have an answer to your question. I guess its getting the right medications/correct dose. Just wanted you to know how sorry I am for both of youi. What a horribly cruel disease which relegates a LO to that point. Very sad. You and your mother will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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Dianne C.


Tue May 19, 2009 9:46 am
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Joined: Wed Apr 01, 2009 9:44 pm
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Location: Minneapolis MN
Post getting kicked out for aggressive behavior
LindaE,

I can relate. My Mom is on her third hospital psych ward stay, and the assisted living/memory care facility where she was staying doesn't want her back. People used to describe my Mom as delightful. Now she's so unhappy, angry, and abusive that she can't stay in the memory care unit of the facility she's been in since April. In her case, she pushes furniture, tips it over, screams, loud sobbing, and sometimes hitting and kicking. She keeps saying how she doesn't belong there with the crazy people. I have to smile sometimes at the irony of it. (I so want to say sometime, "But Mom, you're worse than most of them." I don't, of course.)

Mom can still do a lot of things fairly well: play cards, do puzzles, participate in games and activities, etc. She really should still be in assisted living, but she kept trying to walk back to her old house, putting herself and others who would stop to help this old woman walking along the street looking tired and lost at risk of an accident. After trying to walk home 6 times, (3 in one day) I had to move her to the secure memory care unit.

We can't seem to find a combination of drugs that will relieve some of the depression/unhappiness or control the increasingly frequent bad behavior. She's seen 4 different psychiatrists, been on most of the usual stuff and nothing is muting the aggressiveness. So, basically, she's getting kicked out of the current facility and I'm going shopping for a new one this weekend. Good thing the hospital can't release her without a placement.

Maybe this will be for the best. The current facility doesn't seem to have sufficient staff and training to handle behavior problems. I've seen staff be confrontational with her, which is the last thing you want to do when she needs to calm down.

Maybe a facility that's used to this will do a better job of keeping her occupied and interested (perhaps even happy once in awhile) that the meds won't be as critical.


Thu Aug 13, 2009 5:44 pm
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