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 My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse 
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
My mother has had a big decline recently and now gets hysterical every time the aides try to get her up in the morning, even though they already let her sleep in past when everyone else gets up. (They have now decided just to let her sleep in until she wants to get up, so maybe this will resolve itself.)

On Friday and Saturday, she accused the aides of abusing her by standing over her and yelling at her. Later on Saturday, the charge nurse asked her if the aide had really yelled at her. My mother said no, but she wanted my mother to do something she didn't want to do (get up).

So by her own admission, her accusations are false, but the SNF's SW is reporting this stuff to me and it is obviously making them terribly nervous. They have started sending in two aides at a time so that one can back up the other if they are accused of something. I hate to see them going through all of this just to protect themselves.

I want to avoid this turning into some big brouhaha. I have already assured the SW that the family doesn't believe my mother's accusations and we know she gets excellent care.

My mother gets very confused and extremely forgetful. She gets hysterical every time her memory loss becomes apparent (like on Saturday evening, at 6:30 she could not recall whether she'd had dinner). So it isn't possible to have any sort of rational discussion with her or persuade her that her view of anything is wrong.

Has anyone else gone through this with a LO? Is it a normal stage of the deterioration from LBD? I am at a loss.

Thanks,

Julianne


Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:51 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Mom can't find the words to complain, so she just makes faces.

I think you are doing the right thing. My Mom is in the dementia unit of an SNF and we see a lot of residents that are pretty hard on the staff. One believes she's in jail. Another goes back and forth from sweetness to fury. I've seen residents kick and hit aides. And still they take it. I swear, the aides and nurses deserve sainthood.

What I'm trying to say is that, in the grand SNF scheme of things, yelling and accusations are expected and not to be worried about. What an SNF might get concerned about is if you, based on your Mom's complaints, file an "official" complaint. That type of complaint is recorded and reflected in their Medicare (and other) ratings.

So don't worry about it too much. The SNF is doing the right thing to send 2 aides to her. Not only will the SNF be protected, but you will have a clearer picture about what is happening.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:26 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Because the evening shift at my husband's SNF has had a lot of difficulty with him when they try to perform needed care and because I have observed this behavior when I am there [he was the same way at home in the evenings] I faxed his neuro about possibly increasing his Seroquel to an extra dose in the afternoon [he gets 50mg am & bedtime] and the SNF just got the order today for the increase.

I have put off doing this but both he and several of the aides, as well as one of the nurses, have been injured in these episodes of combativeness. The staff are very patient and kind with him, it's just the way he gets in the evening--very delusional and paranoid. Hope this will help.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Aug 01, 2011 2:53 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Kate and Pat,

I am sure you are right. It is just disturbing to me to see her acting this way. No doubt the staff has seen such behavior and worse many times. It probably doesn't help that I am an attorney, but I have gone out of my way to assure the staff that the family knows my mother is not being abused in any way.

And it is true, the nurses and aides are all saints! I could not do their jobs.

Thanks,

Julianne


Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:08 pm
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Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Several months ago, in my presence, another resident (female, tiny and frail) put her hand on top of my husband's and patted. He turned and said, loudly and indignantly, "she beat the s..t out me!"

Several days ago, however, he slugged a really sweet and wonderful aide so hard she looked in the mirror to see if any teeth were broken out. There was another aide in the room as two of them do the dressing/toileting type things. Sometimes he really resists such things. Apparently he has become more agitated lately at night; sundowning, I guess. They are trying risperidone.

This is a man who was as kind, gentle, and tolerant as they come--the only time in his life he hit anybody was one schoolyard fight, and he says he felt terrible about that.


Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:19 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
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Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
So I guess I should be thankful that my mother only attacks with words--so far! She has never been nasty or uncooperative before, either. The changes in her, especially recently, have been really amazing and hard to watch.

Thanks,

Julianne


Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:34 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Quote:
He turned and said, loudly and indignantly, "she beat the s..t out me!"
:lol: I had to laugh because that is SO Derek! I will hold his hand and he will tell me I 'just ripped the skin off'! Always a hyperbolic response to everything.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Aug 01, 2011 3:37 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
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Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Wow, Pat, that is really interesting. My mother has become such a drama queen, and is paranoid as well. Somehow it helps to know she is not the only one!

Julianne


Mon Aug 01, 2011 5:36 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
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Location: Vermont
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Yes, been there done that! My dad, when he could still dial the phone, would call me or a couple of his best friends and tell us that "they've forgotten to take me to breakfast" or "I haven't eaten in 3 days because they forgot I'm here" or "they haven't changed me all day" or "I've tried to call a nurse and it's been 3 hours and no one will come." He'd call me every couple of minutes until he could get someone there to come in his room. They'd come in and do whatever he wanted, then he'd call me back and say they'd never come to take care of him. He even did this when I was there visiting.
A few months before he died my son was there, and my dad got really mad and accused his grandson of "living here for a week and you have never come to see me till today." He was in a rage and my poor son felt terrible and could not convince his grandfather that he'd just flown down there that day to spend a few days visiting him.
Until he lost all ability to use his limbs he hit, kicked and scratched his CGs when they tried to change him, put him in the whirlpool bath (which he loved, but fought them every time and said he hated it). I was terrified he was going to get kicked out of the place, and then what would we do?
There were a few CGs who could be kind of surly, even when my dad was still his usual nice self (when he first moved into the ALF). We talked with the supervisor and their behavior improved significantly, but for the most part, any issues were strictly in my dad's head. I felt horrible for the people who had to put up with the accusations, hitting, etc.
It is really tough to see our LOs going through this as well as seeing what these poor CGs go through trying their best to take care of our LOs. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Aug 01, 2011 9:24 pm
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Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:02 pm
Posts: 386
Location: East TN
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
remember…a drama queen…does something for a reaction…(I know…I married a handful of them)….

someone with Lewy…does something because it is real…

my last drama queen was always accusing me of 'using' my sickness….

believe me….its a full time job to keep up with it….I have no time to dream up drama….

_________________
Craig - Patient - Male - 56 years old - Lewy Bodies diagnosed on March 23, 2011 - cognitive disorder NOS dx 2007 - RBD REM dx 2007 issues for 20+ years - intention tremor 1974 - other issues many years


Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:02 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
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Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Craig, I don't mean to suggest that my mother is deliberately being a drama queen. I know she cannot help what she is doing. It was just a shorthand way of describing her behavior--becoming hysterical over everything, especially if anyone disagrees with her or tried to get her to do something she doesn't want to do.

One of the big battles with her has been getting her up in the morning. Yesterday, I asked if they could just let her sleep until she wants to get up. For one thing, it will remove a big source of contention and for another, she may be sleeping due to her disease and in that sense needs to sleep. The DON has agreed, so I hope there will be a little less drama!

Julianne


Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:30 am
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Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:02 pm
Posts: 386
Location: East TN
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
I know you know she isn't….

but using those words…will be interpreted by others not in the know…..as the normal definition I fear….

I know I fight an uphill battle to reeducate those around me….that I am 'no' drama queen…and that I haven't been...

_________________
Craig - Patient - Male - 56 years old - Lewy Bodies diagnosed on March 23, 2011 - cognitive disorder NOS dx 2007 - RBD REM dx 2007 issues for 20+ years - intention tremor 1974 - other issues many years


Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:37 am
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Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:02 pm
Posts: 386
Location: East TN
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
I reread your reply…

I just wrote in another thread….about my thinking…..I am losing the ability to disagree when there is speed involved….I can do it when everything is slow…..no can do when things speed up….

I speed up too in response…..and I am sure that is viewed as drama queen and hysterical….

I have been asking everyone to slow down….those that slow down….we get along great….those that don't….well….they get something entirely diferent….but I warned them….

_________________
Craig - Patient - Male - 56 years old - Lewy Bodies diagnosed on March 23, 2011 - cognitive disorder NOS dx 2007 - RBD REM dx 2007 issues for 20+ years - intention tremor 1974 - other issues many years


Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:40 am
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
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Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
That's true, Craig, I have learned to slow down a lot when talking with my mother (I tend to talk fast anyway) and also give her plenty of time to process and answer.

But even with all that, she does become hysterical--sobbing and wailing--at rather slight provocations, including anytime anyone disagrees with anything she says or tries to correct her (which does not work, so I have learned not to do that anymore). She absolutely clings to her version of reality despite anything you tell her. I have the hardest time remembering that logic does not work with her anymore!

Who is this woman and what have they done with my mother??

Julianne


Tue Aug 02, 2011 9:47 am
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Joined: Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:02 pm
Posts: 386
Location: East TN
Post Re: My mother is (falsely) accusing SNF aides of abuse
Julianne…

I often wonder where I am…

Literally….where am in this disease? how much of my reality is yours?

what part of anything I say…can I trust? who trusts anything I say? now that I have this label?

do you see where I am going?

we are pushed in a corner….and once in there….we act like we are in a corner…how else can it be? what else can be expected?

we are disbelieved….told to our faces over and over….

even when we know we are right….

then I am sure the desire to be recognized as being right becomes only stronger…..isn't that the way it works for you?

_________________
Craig - Patient - Male - 56 years old - Lewy Bodies diagnosed on March 23, 2011 - cognitive disorder NOS dx 2007 - RBD REM dx 2007 issues for 20+ years - intention tremor 1974 - other issues many years


Tue Aug 02, 2011 10:02 am
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