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 trying to get dad to drink water 
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
Posts: 355
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
thanks for that - I was a bit worried that I may have written something inappropriate - not that there was anything in it, but still I was wondering :wink:

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Wed Feb 23, 2011 5:22 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
Posts: 464
Location: Minnesota
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Thanks, Jeanne! That happens to me quite a bit, but I figured it was just me being me.

Ger, I see you're in Ireland. I wonder if placing a LO in an SNF is different there, in an "older" country than in the US. Making this decision here is hard enough, but somewhat acceptable because of a very mobile society. It isn't unusual for parents and their adult children to be separated by hundreds and even thousands of miles. This makes the SNF a bit more acceptable. Many of our parents placed their parents in SNFs and it sometimes seems just a matter of course (though, of course, it isn't).

In Irish society, is it fairly common now to use nursing facilities or is there some negativity connected to it? Is family in close proximity and keeping a parent at home more the norm?

I made an assumption in my earlier message that your experience is like mine in the US. I apologize for that. Though it does still seem that you're in need of some help from someone, SNF or not, what you have to contend with could be vastly different.

Good luck with your dad! And I hope that this isn't all on your shoulders.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Fri Feb 25, 2011 3:01 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
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Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
please don't apologise Kate. No matter where in the world we live, or how far apart we are from our parents, placing them in a nursing home is never an easy decision.
Economics being as they are here at the moment, availing of nursing care is a bit of a joke. I would have to pay out of my own pocket - which is very light at the moment, and it is extremely expensie. Having said that, Dad has recently been placed under the care of a wonderful geriatric psychiatrist and it has helped lighten the load a lot. I live only 7 miles away from my parents and would consider myself on call at all times. I do have support from one of my sisters, ( there are 3 girls and 1 boy - or should I say women and men, lol) I tend to forget the ageing process when I can :), though all the responsibility does fall on my shoulders as far as doctors, meds, and all the other parts of caring is concerned. She comes 3 days a week and cooks dinner for them (my 81 yr old mother is also bed bound) to give me a break, which I need. I also have a wonderful home help lady who calls twice a day to watch them whilst I collect kids from school etc. I know I am very lucky compared to some, who have little or no help, but, as I'm sure you all well know, I get overwhelmed at times.
Dad is good at the moment and the crisis has been averted once again.
thanks for all the feedback, I sincerely mean it has been a blessing finding this forum - it feels like I have a shoulder to cry on, with lots of advice thrown in, and it is a huge weight off my mind
God bless

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Fri Feb 25, 2011 7:45 pm
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
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Location: Minnesota
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Wow, Ger! You really do have your hands full. Tell your siblings that I said they owe you a weekend at a spa or something. It's been tough enough with just my Mom.

If I had to come up with the $9000.00 a month that the SNF charges, it never would have been a possibility. That's almost twice what I earn each month - before taxes! I'm still in the process of getting through a Medical Assistance application, which combines federal and state funds, and county administration. They make you jump through a lot of hoops. But when completed, MA will cover everything that my Mom's small monthly social security check doesn't. The SNF admitted Mom, after looking at her finances, knowing that it would take months getting the MA sorted out. I sometimes don't realize how lucky I am. I don't know that I could have handled much more at home.

By the way, I'm experienced with depression, too. My sister (one of them) is bi-polar and is often overwhelmed by it. I've been told that I am borderline dealing with the seretonin issue myself, but I don't have the time to give in to it so just take the meds. In some forms, depression can be just as bad, or even worse, as dementia. I know that caring for your Mom is probably just as hard as caring for your Dad. And kids? Do you sleep?

You have a huge responsibility that, even if your sister makes dinner three times a week, is probably taking a toll. I hope that you can get your sisters and brother to take over for a weekend once in a while - just for a little relief.

Take care. I'll be thinking of you.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:23 am
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
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Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Thanks Kate,
I started therapy just before Christmas, and it is a huge help. I always thought I was doing ok, but I think I was very close to a breakdown and my body has been telling me to sit up and take notice in several ways. Now that I see the toll it has been taking, I have started to say no more often, and am trying to look after me as well ( not an easy task finding the time). We are taking a holiday this year, as it is the only way to get the others to share some of the burden. We can't really afford it, but my husband sees that I need the break, if only to keep me sane for a little while longer. :lol:
Dad has had some wonderful days in the last week, and its been so good to see the man that he used to be, back with us for a while. I try not to dwell too much on how much I miss this side of him, but enjoy him whilst he is here. I tend to forget what his personality was like before Lewy arrived, and it is nice to be reminded of the good times. The good times help me get over the bad ones, though they are few and far between these days. It has gone from 1 bad day every so often, to now being 1 good day every now and again. It is a horrible disease and again I say I'm so glad to have found you all.

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:42 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
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Location: Vermont
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Ger - glad your dad is still at least able to be who he was sometimes. You'll cherish those times more and more. Also, good to hear you are going to have a vacation. We all know how each of us needs those breaks from CGing. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Mar 10, 2011 12:16 am
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Joined: Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:28 pm
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Location: Minnesota
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Aren't good days wonderful surprises and blessings?

When you go on holiday, I hope you have a wonderful, restful (or exciting, depending on your nature) time. If you are a reader and are counting on having time to just sit and go through some books, do yourself a favor and don't bring any books about dementia or depression. I made that mistake once and, though I learned a lot, I was still sunk in Alice's rabbit hole and unable to find my way out and relax.

My idea of a great vacation is a week, or even just a weekend, in a quiet lodge on Lake Superior. And maybe even a Joan Baez concert (which I was able to attend in a tent pitched in a field). What kind of holiday give you a chance to relax?

Whatever it is, I hope your holiday is wonderful and you get a chance to really refresh yourself.

Kate

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Kate [i](Cared for Mom for years before anyone else noticed the symptoms, but the last year of her life was rough and we needed to place her in an SNF, where she passed in February 2012)[/i]


Thu Mar 17, 2011 12:03 am
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
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Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Thank you all,
we intend to take the children to France on a camping holdiay. We have done this before, and it is a wonderful time for all of us, as the children will have our undivided attention.
I love to read, but it would be more in the line of Patricia Cornwall or Kathy Reichs - strange I know, but I love murder/mysteries. I used to love reading Enid Blyton when I was younger - The Magic Faraway Tree.
Bliss - to escape from it all!!!!! I know I am very lucky to be able to take this opportunity to get away from it all, and I think now I don't need to read up on dementia as I have learned so much from this forum.

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Thu Mar 17, 2011 5:16 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
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Location: Vermont
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Have a great time camping in France. We've been camping in the Southwest US for 6 weeks, where it's sunny and warm during the day so we can hike and bike almost every day. Because I can finally relax, I am finally able to get off the stress-related meds I had to go on last year. I feel like I'm finally getting back to my old self - don't have to sleep 10 or more hours a day only to get out of bed feeling like I still need more sleep! What a nice change this is..... Hope you get restored on your vacation. Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Thu Mar 17, 2011 10:30 pm
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Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:53 am
Posts: 969
Location: Ocala, FL
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Ger.... Have you solved the problem of getting your dad to drink liquids now?

I reread this entire thread because the paranoia your dad has is very familiar to me but Dale always had a can of Coke in the fridge that he opened himself. He also mixed lemonade for himself several times a day. His paranoia was always about other people and never about what I did for him.

It also occurs to me that my own dad died at home. However, my mother died in a 'home.' She had dementia toward the end whereas he did not. With that in mind, I wondered if I could keep Dale at home at the last. I have and I'm pleased that it has worked out well for us. I still think keeping him at home was a good decision. Hiring caregivers is certainly less expensive than a 'nursing home.' Each case is different.

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Leone Carroll (75); wife of Dale (75) who passed away March 23, 2011


Last edited by Leone on Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.



Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:44 am
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:55 pm
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Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Yes Leone - how do you find time or energy to worry or even think about others. Our worries are so little in comparison to yours at the moment.

He goes through phases, and at the moment is taking drinks for me without a problem. I keep telling him if he doesn't drink that he will end up in hospital on a drip. I know it sounds cruel, but sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. Thank you for caring. xxx

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cared for Dad who passed away on January 28th 2013 R.I.P.


Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:53 am
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
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Location: WA
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Quote:
Hiring caregivers is certainly less expensive than a 'nursing home

That is definitely not the case here. My husband's SNF is $240/day. A 24-hour caregiver would be $480/day; 16 hours would be $320.

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Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:20 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:53 am
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Location: Ocala, FL
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Oh, Pat.... I didn't mean 24 hour caregivers. That would be awful. I meant caregivers for when I'm not here. Sorry for the confusion.

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Leone Carroll (75); wife of Dale (75) who passed away March 23, 2011


Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:25 am
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3306
Location: Vermont
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
Ger - if his body is shutting down, drinking is not going to be good for him, at least that's what hospice tells people. I know it's tough to watch our LOs not eat or drink, but it is nature's way of taking care of them in their final time.
Leone - you have a lot more to think about now than finances, but some day it would probably be helpful to find out how you were able to do home care so inexpensively. My dad's in-home care would have been about $20,000 a month, as opposed to his last 9 months that cost us about $5,500 a month. In either case, his LTC ins. only paid $750, despite the fact that over the years he'd spent over $35,000 on LTC ins. premiums!!! There's no way we could take $20,000 a month out of his savings not knowing how long he would live. And, at the ALF, all his activities, utilities and food were covered as well. In home CGs where I live and where he lived are about $20 an hour and he required at least 2 almost 24 hr. a day.
Have a good day everyone! Lynn

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Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:28 am
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Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:53 am
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Location: Ocala, FL
Post Re: trying to get dad to drink water
LTCVT wrote:
....it would probably be helpful to find out how you were able to do home care so inexpensively.
Because I did most of it myself. :lol: I was only away from home a couple of times a week and never during the night.

I really should not comment because I was lucky that Dale was never a tempermental man. Mostly, he was easy. My sister and I had to place our mother in a 'home' because she was too difficult for anyone in the family to nurse in her final days. She was in a nursing home for four years.

The other factor is that I did not need to go to work as those of you who care for elderly parents do. I have tremendous admiration for you.

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Leone Carroll (75); wife of Dale (75) who passed away March 23, 2011


Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:47 am
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