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 "When Siblings Step Up" and "They're Your Parents, Too!" 
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post "When Siblings Step Up" and "They're Your Parents, Too!"
A book was published a year or so ago titled "They’re Your Parents, Too!: How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents’ Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy." This related article in the Wall Street Journal about a year (link below) is about how sisters and brothers can find "new ways to circumvent old conflicts" as parents age.

On the same webpage as the article is a recording of a good 11-minute audio interview the WSJ reporter did with the author of the book "They're Your Parents Too!" The book author says that there are several misconceptions when it comes to caring for aging parents. First is the misconception that if one of your siblings is taking care of your adult parent, that you're off the hook. Second is the misconception that caring for a parent is a practical challenge only. In fact, it's a "major emotional passage for the entire family and for each person in [we face] the mortality of our parents." Caring for parents sets up the revival of sibling rivalry, the author says. As we care for parents, we fall back into old family roles but these roles don't work any more. The author says that there are psychological benefits to the family of working together. She encourages families to call in a "referee" if needed to mediate. Referees can be family therapists, geriatric care managers, social workers, clergy, and counselors. She lists resources on the book's website One of the best resources is the Eldercare Locator. A new resource is the Family Caregiver Navigator on the Family Caregiver Alliance's website ( For dementia support, she encourages checking into your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. ... 08012.html

Wall Street Journal
March 27, 2010
When Siblings Step Up
Sisters and brothers are finding new ways to circumvent old conflicts as they take on one of the toughest roles in their lives: caregiver
By Anne Tergesen

Tue Feb 15, 2011 11:48 pm

Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 11:41 pm
Posts: 8
Post Re: "When Siblings Step Up" and "They're Your Parents, Too!"
I think we are going to need mediation. I have one brother who just does not get it and see how draining this is on our mother and also the one brother who lives in town.

Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:10 am

Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2009 8:25 am
Posts: 227
Post Re: "When Siblings Step Up" and "They're Your Parents, Too!"
I need that book! My SIL's just do not get it. Not only do they not help out (my husband and I take care of their mother in our home), they do not even call to find out how she is. I just emailed them about hospice coming today for an evaluation of their mom. Maybe I will get a response other than the usual "Thanks for the update." I just don't get it. I have promised my sister who is going to be faced with the same issues as I am, and lives with my parents halfway across the country, that I will come relieve her whenever she needs me. OK. Rant is over. :x

Donna (age 56) caregiver for mother-in-law Margaret (age 88).

Sat Oct 15, 2011 11:43 am
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