Oh, yes it does, Leone. Our lives are so entangled with these men we love and have spent so many years with. I simply cannot imagine a house without him, although when I get so tired, I sometimes long for a house alone...just me and maybe the dog.

My daughter-in-law asked me if I would ever be interested in having a relationship with another man when Del is gone....and for a moment I couldn't figure out what she was asking me. Then I told her I would have to go sit at the widow's table at our local Senior Activity Center cause I realized I had spent the last 7 years flirting with all the old coots there and without Del, i would be in trouble. It would be the widow's table for me.

I have felt protected and consoled and loved and I can't stand the thought of losing that. I so can understand how you want to keep him near just for the times when there is a glimpse of the old Dale..or in my case, the old Del.

Crappy end to things, isn't it??? Sadly, Nan

It's really hard sometimes to admit we can't do it all, especially we women. We are used to multi-tasking and doing all those nurturing things. But when we are trying to take care of another adult who can no longer even help with transfer it becomes a whole new ball game. You know you can't afford to hurt yourself, yet many keep on keepin' on until you do get hurt. These neuro degenerative diseases take both a mental AND physical toll on the CGs. Please don't push yourselves till you are hurt. Who will take care of your LO AND you when that happens, and it will happen unless you are way bigger and stronger than most. Lynn

Leone:

So often your posts mirror our situation, no more than tonight as I sit here bawling because I will take my husband tomorrow to "final care." It's a great place (I think) and he will probably do better as I can no longer help with even the basics. I will write more detail soon, but just had to respond. I didn't know it would be this hard!

Gail

Oh, Gail. I think I am not far behind you. As you blaze the path that Pat just traveled, keep us informed. Your experience helps me to know what to expect and I do learn that if others can cross tht gulf then I can, too. And you all are helping me to learn how to do that. I hope you can literally feel your caring friends here as you do this very hard thing.

Hugs to you, Nan

Gail, my heart aches for you because I know how awful you will feel at first. Things are much better for us now and I've become a lot more comfortable with Derek's placement. It helps that he doesn't know he's not home [so weird, but true]. I am there four to five hours a day in two visits and keep close tabs on his care. The first couple of weeks I was depressed to the point I could barely talk to anyone. Rest assured that you are doing what you have to do and that it's the right thing for both of you. God bless you! Hugs, Pat.

Gail - I'm sending you a giant hug of support. You know you have done all you can do at home, and don't feel guilty that you can't do it anymore. This disease is so traumatic for everyone. Sending you all good wishes today. Lynn

Gail, Each one of us will be facing the same decision. Fran is not quite at that point, but I see the writing on the wall. It is only a matter of time. My prayers are with you. Bernie

Gail,
Just know each one of us that has posted here will keep you in our thoughts and Prayers as you go this very difficult step!

Nan, Bernie, Leone:

My husband moved into the dementia ALF yesterday, so far everything is going swimmingly well, and I am very upbeat. Mainly because of the quality of the facility and the staff. Just wanted you to know that minimal trauma is at least possible.

Gail

Oh Gail, I certainly hope that continues for you! I'm very glad that the move went well.

Glad to hear it, Gail. The staff at my husband's SNF is excellent, too [with one or two exceptions] and I feel a lot more comfortable now with not being there all the time and preparing to go back to work at the end of the month. [These places don't come cheap!] So glad you found a good one.

So glad to hear the move has gone well so far. I hope his placement continues to be a good one for the both of you. It is nice to hear good things about some of these places. Peace of mind is something very valuable.

Take care and sleep well. Smiles, Nan

Gail, I'm so pleased this placement went well, it's such a tough decision for a caregiver, financially, mentally and emotionally, it must seem like a large void when the evening comes and you're alone. The one positive thing is that you can mend physically.