I'm in the process of arranging for a week of respite care for my husband in a SNF so I can give my strained back a rest. The in-home assessment folks were here this afternoon asking questions and my husband thought he was being interviewed for a job! He told them he was 'pretty much an invalid now' and didn't think he could do much. He was much relieved when I explained that he wouldn't have to work but would instead have activities and a bunch of people to take care of him for a week.

However, I wake up in the middle of the night every night in a cold sweat thinking about what might happen to him while he's there and if I would be able to forgive myself if he got sick or had a bad decline because of it. Nan, I thank you for reassuring me that respite worked well for you and your husband and that there were no ill effects from it, as some have apparently experienced. Since I'm not going anywhere, I'll be visiting him every day. Hope it goes well. Actually, it's not yet confirmed--they have to have a conference about it first but it seems possible, even later this week.

He was in a dementia care facility summer before last but he was more mobile and less disoriented than he is now.

Pat - you so need a rest. I hope it all works out really well for both of you. That's funny that Derek thought he was having a job interview! And maybe you can visit him every other day, so you really do get a rest. I'm afraid if you are visiting all the time you won't get the mental break you need, you'll see things that aren't being done exactly like you'd do them, and then that will be upsetting. And, it may be better for him to get used to the folks there without you being around. Kind of like when we sent kids off to kindergarten or college - they learn to navigate better if we aren't there hovering??? When my dad first moved to the ALF he was always asking me when I was going to move him home. If Derek does that, you are not going to get the rest you so badly need, and it's only a week. Sorry to sound like a parent, but you know you need to take care of you too. Lynn

That interview where they decide whether they can accept your LO is a lot tougher on you than the LO. It's like a job interview....Derek wasn't too far off there. They are looking for the fit.

I know you need this respite more than anyone could possibly imagine. I am going to keep my fingers crossed that you will have success, that Derek will be on a "honeymoon" phase as long as he is there, and you will find the sweet Derek who is so glad to see you when you arrive each day to see him.

XXXXXX (Those are my fingers crossed.) Smiles, Nan

Thanks, Lynn & Nan! I hope so, too!

I know, and I'm so blessed! Thanks, Leone!

Me too, Pat.

Hope all goes well for you. Your back will say thank you too!

Karen

Thank you, all of you, for your concern. His respite week is arranged and I take him in tomorrow! Oh, I so hope it works out well. I'm so busy today getting everything ready---clothes marked, catheter supplies boxed up, laundry done. I'm both dreading and looking forward to it.

Lynn advised me not to visit every day. I'm pondering this. It makes good sense as far as my getting rest and respite but this place is only half a mile from our home and I think I'd sleep better knowing he's OK. I know Lynn is right about bonding with other residents and staff but he's only going to be there a week so it may not be an issue. I'll have to pray about it. I'll let you know how it goes!

Yes, Leone, last year we used that deduction, too, as Derek had over $40K in out-of-pocket medical/nursing care expenses in 2009.

Pat, I hope it goes well for you and for Derek. I will be praying for you both.
Is there something you can do for yourself this week that is just for fun or enjoyment? That may be restful and rejuevenating for you.
PatS

Pat - you may want to ask someone you feel you can trust at the facility about visiting - they have experience with this. I just remember how hard it was for my dad when he first moved into the ALF. Every time I visited him at first it was like move-in day all over again. It was really hard on him. It was hard on me NOT to visit, but I kind of had to leave him on his own more than I would have liked so he could start fitting in. He wanted me to be with him all his waking hours there - I just couldn't do it. I needed a break, and my husband and family were back in VT so I'd go back to my dad's empty house which wasn't great either.
Anyway I am so glad you are taking a little break. Maybe a bunch of us should go to a fitness spa together! Don't I wish! Let us know how it goes tomorrow, and good luck Pat! Lynn

PatS, thank you! I so appreciate your prayers! I will have lunch with my girlfriend and maybe indulge one or two other small pleasures but mostly I shall bask in the peace and quiet of the house to myself for a week, catch up on some non-back-straining housework, read books, take long walks!!!! [Ahhhh!]...in other words, hang out. But how much I enjoy my respite will depend a good deal on how well he is doing at the SNF. Your prayers will help. Again, I appreciate so much the support and friendship of all of you. I could never get through this Lewy ordeal without you.

Pat,
I am glad you were able to arrange for Derek to be cared for so you can have a respite time and get some needed rest and heal that sore back !

Thanks, Irene. And before bringing him home I have to find a better way to get him up in the morning. He doesn't want a hospital bed but I think we're going to have to have one. If I can crank the head of the bed up there's that much less lifting. [A hoyer lift is out, and the gals who came to do his assessment yesterday agreed that he is not a good candidate for one].