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 When do you pull the plug? 
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Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2009 2:34 pm
Posts: 48
Location: Greer, SC
Post When do you pull the plug?
So to speak, not literally.

And I mean, at what point do you decide that your LO is better off in a facility than home with you, or is that not even an option?

I know many of you are caring for parents, or spouses. I can see how the decision for a spouse is entirely different than in my case. This is my grandfather. His being with us is wonderful and such a gift in SO many ways, yet - I'm worried that my husband and children might resent me for being so occupied. I feel like my grandfather is coming first in front of everyone, even myself sometimes.

He hasn't even committed to living here yet, but he seems to be more relaxed and happy the last few days when the weather really warmed up.

I'm so so tired. I dont want to resent him being here, or feel like this is something I no longer want to do, but outside of some serious changes in our house like hiring a housekeeper or an aide more than twice a week I don't know how I can keep doing this.

Maybe I just need some kind of medication that lets me sleep at night, be perky all day and somehow magically does all the laundry :)


Sun Apr 26, 2009 10:36 pm
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Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 7:02 am
Posts: 537
Location: MI
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There is nothing wrong with hiring extra help. In fairness to your family either extra help may make a difference or maybe a nearby home. How does your husband feel about this?
Sharon
P.S. if you find the magic meds to allow you to do everything let me know- I need some too

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syt


Sun Apr 26, 2009 10:49 pm
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Joined: Fri Apr 10, 2009 2:34 pm
Posts: 48
Location: Greer, SC
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I can't say enough good things about my husband. He's always known I have a very strong bond with my grandfather, and he's always been very understanding and supportive.

He's getting a bit frustrated though now because things aren't up to par as far as housekeeping and laundry service. Sometimes I snap back that if the maid service is so bad, he should just fire the maid :) I'd love a day off!

Mostly though he's been taking on extra responsibilities with the kids, he always did their bedtime, and he still does. Last night he even went so far to give my little one her nebulizer which she hates. So he's great. He still complains though and that is really hard to hear.

My girls love having "dada" around. Especially the little one who isn't in school every day. Dada is her buddy. They walk about the same speed :) Neither one can understand the other but they talk back and forth all day (when he's awake that is) and she loves being able to wake him up in the morning.

There are times though that like today, his aide called in sick, my sister is visiting and I'd love to be able to go someplace fun with the two of them but since someone has to be here to give him lunch, then I can't leave. It's really hard some days, and so very few people understand.

He won't commit to staying here in the south and wants to go back home to MA when he can, which right now i told him would be mid-june, due to a couple of doctor appointments and I'm waiting until my oldest is out of school. So a home is kind of out since by the time I get him placed, we may be leaving. I feel like packing him up for a week or two is ridiculous to go to respite care...so I guess we'll be hiring a helper.

It sometimes is hard to decide what kind of care he really needs - some days its a house sitter because he's sleeping, others we need a full maid, some just a PCA to give him a shower and help him dress. I still cant figure how to pay for it all yet, so I'm only hiring the bare minimum HE can afford. We can't afford to pay for any of it unfortunately, or I'd have someone living in, just to tend to him (that would be heavenly!).

My sister is here, she's not used to caring for him. Besides carrying his tray up and sitting with him at breakfast, she isnt comfortable doing much more.


Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:20 am
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Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:59 pm
Posts: 1978
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I understand the frustration your husband is feeling, here his life was doing OK and suddenly this person has entered your lives and now nothing is the same, it's ok that your sister can't do much of the hands on care but I am sure she would be willing to do some of the things you have to neglect because you are caring for your Grand father and I also want to mention maybe contacting the Alzheimers in some areas they can provide some minor respite in the home and another place is to check is local churches, they sometimes have people lined up that would be willing to help out.
I know this is hard and I am sure June seems like forever but it is really just right around the corner.....

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Irene Selak


Mon Apr 27, 2009 10:33 am
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Joined: Fri Feb 29, 2008 7:02 am
Posts: 537
Location: MI
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Maybe you can find someone from church or reference from people you trust that could help you with the laundry or some of those chores. -even a day a week would help catch up. -maybe an older high school or college student would be less expensive than an agency.
it helps not to have to face the laundry or dusting or ?
Sharon

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syt


Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:05 am
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