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Joined: Thu Mar 12, 2009 10:19 am
Posts: 8
Post new to lbd
Could someone out there please give me a tip on how to find compassion in my heart for my loved one in the middle of a long sleepless night. Last night was so difficult. I tried every way to keep my husband in bed but he kept walking back and forth to the bathroom. When I tried to restrain him at one point he rose up in an angry way, not like him. He really didn't sleep for more than 1 and 1/2 hours at a time. I'm really not very compassionate when I don't get to sleep much. I'm beginning to feel angry and resentful.
I do have 4 hours of Home Care every day but that is usually when I'm at work. It's hard to put in a full day of substitute teaching then come home to full time care giving. But the worst is the inability to get a good night's sleep. I booked off work today so that I could catch up on sleep while my husband has support.
I have just booked him in for a week's respite at a local hospital on April 19th. I feel badly about it and have no idea how to broach the subject with him. I'm praying for a miracle so that I do not have to go ahead on this but I worry about keeping my sanity and keeping money flowing into our coffers.

Fri Apr 03, 2009 10:39 am

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Gwyn S,

Caregiver sleep is critically important, for both the caregiver and the care recipient. The lack of caregiver sleep is one reason why many people place their loved ones in facilities.

Are you sure the urologist is on the right path with your husband's prostate issues? Have you called the urologist to report that the situation seems to have gotten worse? What about an intermittent catheter, which you could insert before your husband goes to bed to drain the urine? Would this help at all? What about DDAVP? (I mentioned the medication your post in "Introductions.")

Can you sleep in a separate room, and hire a caregiver to take care of your husband at night? Even temporarily until you can get this situation under control?


PS. You did it! Good for you!

Fri Apr 03, 2009 11:56 am

Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:05 am
Posts: 150
Location: Raleigh, NC

You don't lack compassion at all, but even with compassion, you can lose patience. The one time I lost my temper with my mother was on one of those nights when she kept getting up and looking for things.

So don't be too hard on yourself. Your husband isn't the only one who needs to be considered here.


Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:13 pm

Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:04 am
Posts: 47
Location: Michigan
Gwyn, we are having the same problem with my dad. My 84 yo mom is desperatly trying to keep my dad at home but the nights will probably be the determination. We just had him in the hospital and he was put on a very low dose of Seroquel and melatonin...the nurses said he slept in the hospital, but of course, tonight is his first night home so we shall see...if this does not work, we will continue to try different meds. I would urge you to talk to your MD. My heart and prayers go out to you...Sharon.

PS, please do not feel guilty about the respite care, use all resources that you have and be thankful they are available. You are doing this for your LO's own good in the long run so you can continue to keep him at home. SS

Sat Apr 04, 2009 10:25 pm
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