View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Wed Oct 22, 2014 5:48 pm



Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 
 Nursing Home 
Author Message

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:45 pm
Posts: 5
Post Nursing Home
It has come time for me to place my mother in a nursing home. However, since she is not always out of it, how do you tell her this is the best thing for her, and that you are not giving up on her? Any help would be appreciated.


Thu Oct 09, 2008 11:44 pm
Profile

Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:05 pm
Posts: 22
Location: Georgia
Post Nursing home
I am sorry that you have to go through this, my heart goes out to you. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but with my own mother, I held her hand and explained about the fact that neither my partner nor I could safely lift her, or lift her at all sometimes. I couldn't get the diaper off with her skin being damp and my hands being arthritic. My thumbs are permanently dislocated from the arthritis. She was so sweet, and patted my hand and said it was for the best. Home health care isn't there when you need them, and they only come for a little while. I was very fortunate that she took it so well. Also I see her six days a week even though I work. I also enlisted a friend who has become her friend and visits about twice a week. Part of it depends on their personality and the type of relationship you've had in the past, I think. You can only do your best. Part of the adjustment to the facility is up to them even though they are in such a fragile condition. And of course you know caretaking continues...I was on the phone 8 times with the facility today and spent time tonight just sitting with her while she dosed off and on. I hope this helps a little.
Athyca

_________________
LBD mom to daughter: "We've been through worse than this. It'll be all right."


Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:07 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post 
skipper,

If your mother is living in your home, I agree with the approach of "blaming" it on oneself. Say that you can't physically care for her any more.

If your mother is living in an assisted living facility, I think you have to say that in order to ensure her safety and good quality medical care, you need to take a step up in terms of the ability of the staff to meet all of her needs.

No doubt like everyone I agonized over every decision to move my father -- first to move him into assisted living, and then to move him to a dementia care skilled nursing. But a few days into the new living situation, it was obvious it was the best thing for him and the family. And I thought how silly I was to have agonized over things. You just do what you have to do, and make the best of it. If you don't treat it like the end of the world (or that you are giving up), then it won't be the end of the world.

Good luck,
Robin


Fri Oct 10, 2008 1:14 am
Profile
Post 
Skipper,
Moving a Loved one into a Skilled Nursing home is always so hard even more on the person who has to make the decision. As others have said put the spin on it that because the amount of needs fluctuatate you have to do what is best for when the need is there. Tell her it will give you peace of mind!
They set up activities according to the needs of the people, and almost all of the NH's have an activities director!
Good Luck!


Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:48 am

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:45 pm
Posts: 5
Post 
Thank you all for your suggestions. I have talked with her, and she really doesn't seem to care. I think as long as she has a place to sleep, she will be happy. She is also legally blind, so the activities will be limited. Thank you again


Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:52 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post 
skipper,

Perhaps your mother is apathetic? In any case, I'm glad she won't mind the move.

Have you selected a dementia care facility?

Good luck,
Robin


Sun Oct 12, 2008 5:38 pm
Profile

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:45 pm
Posts: 5
Post 
Yes, I have. we are relocating from Texas to Missouri, so I have one picked out in the small town near us. I have checked it out through the Federal site, and it seems pretty good. Also, we already know someone in there. Thank you for asking.


Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:17 pm
Profile

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:45 pm
Posts: 5
Post 
i was thinking that too, about the staff. Thought they may like lots of fudge. I should be able to see her all the time.


Sun Oct 12, 2008 6:58 pm
Profile

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:45 pm
Posts: 5
Post 
Thank you so much for all the great ideas. She is blind, so it would be hard for the pictures, but I want to help her in any way I can. All ideas are appreciated.


Sun Oct 12, 2008 7:54 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 9 posts ] 

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
Localized by MaĆ«l Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr