As of yesterday, my mom is officially under the care of hospice. I don't think my dad fully understood what all that would entail. I had to gently explain to him that there would be no more CT scans if she falls and hits her head, no more trips to the doctor when she's sick, no more Exelon patch, etc. By the time we met with the hospice nurse for her intake evaluation, he was prepared for it, but it was a hard wake-up call for him. I'm afraid he's put so much of himself into her care that he's lost every other purpose for living. Now it's out of his hands. He knows it's for the best, though, and that hospice will take very good care of her needs in these last days/weeks/months, whatever time we have left (I wish I knew).

We are hoping to move her into a hospice house here in town. It is new, and it is beautiful with five private rooms for residents. It will be a very sweet, peaceful environment in which to finish out her days. They are holding a room for her. We are just waiting for the green light from their long-term care insurance company. We hope to get confirmation that they'll cover it by Wednesday. He had planned to bring her home at the end, and he still might when it's clear death will be within days or weeks, but he realized bringing her home now would not be the best move. He just really wants her out of the assisted living facility she's in now. They take really good care of her, but it's not a quiet, peaceful place. It's a highly stimulating place with 25 dementia patients, a lot of noise, and a lot of activity. We want her to have peace and quiet now.

My heart goes out to you, and to your Dad. Even though this is the best move, it must be very, very sad for you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.
God Bless,
Ger xx

As I placed my husband a little over a year ago, I know you must be torn between all kinds of emotions. You will still be importantly involved in her care--it is essential. So resolve to be a good advocate and her care will be the better for it. God bless you.

I'm glad your father was able to agree to this decision. And the hospice house your mom may be moving to soon sounds wonderful. What a good idea that was.

Hopefully your father can come to recognize that his purpose for living is to make his wife's final days/weeks/months the best they can be. Yes, hospice and the care facility can take care of your mom's physical needs but they cannot address quality of life. Only you and your father can do that.

In case anyone else wants to read SandwichMom's recent thread about her mother and CT scans:
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=3361

So glad you'll be moving her to a place that is serene, which sounds like it is what she needs now. Hope the move goes smoothly and you can spend time with her in her final days. Lynn

will be thinking of you and your family.. the new place sounds like it is exactly what you are looking for...
please take care
cindi

I know that making the decisions is one of the hardest parts of this whole process. It sounds like this hospice home will be a wonderful place for your mom. I know that she will find the peace that she needs during this period of time. I hope that you will also find peace, the balance, and the strength you need to take care of all of your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.