I don't believe he ever really thought I would have to do it. After being married almost 32 years, we know what each one of us wants and does not want. We discussed it and decided instead of living wills, we would make each other our Durable Medical Power of Attorney. The day arrived when someone asked me about what if he had a cardiac arrest. I knew the answers and all his choices, but I allowed everyone to talk and advise me. They presented the papers and I told them he had already told me what to do long ago. I had promised to fulfill his wishes. And I did. I signed the DNR and Comfort Care Only orders. I then left and I have just not been the same.

I have a lump in my stomach...and a nagging something in my mind...something that I do not want to think too completely about, or I might just fall off the edge never to return. I feel like running away from home, ha ha. I guess it is some form of the "blues" mixed with a touch of guilt, and sprinkled with regret.

Lewy just keeps robbing us all.

I know how you feel. I really, really do!

I hope it a comfort to know that you are doing what your husband would want and would do for himself if he were able, hard as it was for you.

I am glad that I had a good discussion with my mother long before her illness so I was confident that I was acting consistent with her wishes when I signed her DNR documents. But still it felt bad.

Yes, you are right, Lewy is a thief.

Julianne

Debra,
my situation is so different to yours. You are both so young. It is your husband!!!

I care for Dad, who is almost 85. But let me tell you, I wish I had had this discussion with him (re DNR, comfort care only) I am torn assunder wondering what to do for HIS best.
You have done as CHRIS would have wished. I know that I am only an outsider, but from what I can see, you have kept all that he has wished in your heart and gone with that. It must be the most horrendous decision to make - my mind boggles.
My heart is aching for you, but you HAVE done the right thing. If the roles were reversed, what would you wish CHRIS to do?

God Bless, and I hope and pray that you find a way to come to terms with what ye both decided to do so long ago. It was so much easier back then when you thought it would never come to this! You know best - you knew him best, at his best !!!
God Bless,
Big hugs, Ger xxx

Debra,
None of these decisions are easy ! I think it helps to knows others are going through it too !

It is good (and so very sad) to know you all "get it." I would not wish this on a biting dog. These feelings are just so surreal and so "haunting" to me. It is like I am going to wake up and realize this is a bad dream..or I am stuck in a book about this. Yet, as surreal as it is, it is real life. we are living proof this is what real living is about. These are the life and death situations we all have dreaded. We have shared every minute of 32 years...and we will share this for as long as the good Lord sees fit to keep us in this situation. It will work out for His good and for mine, sooner or later.

Thanks guys!