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 Gaurdianship of My Mother 
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Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:52 pm
Posts: 19
Post Gaurdianship of My Mother
I have recently become the closest family member in charge of my mother's care. My brother has power of attorney, I have medical power of attorney. My brother is not paying my mother's bills and I have been advised by the nursing home and an attorney to file for gaurdianship. Fist I am SO ANGRY at my brother for forcing me into this position (filling for gaurdianship). That was not our agreement.

In November I moved her from Minnesota to the nursing home near my home in Indiana. The medical power of attorney that my brother provided was worthless. It was limited and only temporary. We talked to Mom and she agreed to sign a proper medical power of attorney. But when the nursing home suggested I do the same for the all inclusive power of attorney so they could be paid, I refused. I did not feel comfortable with my mother's ability to make that informed decision. So we are filing for gaurdianship.

What REALLY ticks me off is my brother is not paying her bills, AND he has personal property that belongs to her that she could use or receive comfort from. He has not answered any phone calls or emails since the day I moved her. I am fortunate that the nursing home has agreed they would not turn her out. But they deserve their pay and I am concerned that it will eventually affect the level of care she is receiving.

I orginally wished to have her home with me. But I am concerned I would not be able to provide proper care and be able to work too. If I didn't have to work there would be not question. She would be home. Instead I bring her home as often as I can. She always thinks she is coming to stay.

I realize I am still very new at this. I am grateful that I found this decussion forum. I plan to be a regular poster/lurker.

Thanks
Linda


Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:29 pm
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Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:20 am
Posts: 31
Location: Outer Banks, NC
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
Hi Linda, I wanted to say welcome. I am also new, but there are so many people here with years of experience who will be willing to give you sage advice on this matter. Has she been formally (as much as it can be formal) diagnosed with Lewy Body Disease? What are her current symptoms? Do you have home health agencies in your area experienced with dementia and eventual parkinson's symptoms that affect most LBD patients? If so, you may be able to keep her home with that kind of caregiver support. However, your brother would have to pay those bills too, and while not as expensive as an SNF placement, it can become quite costly as well. We have been fortunate to find experienced private caregivers who only charge $10 an hour, but I know that is not the norm. Good luck and you have found the place for answers!! Hang in there and I hope that a Happy New Year can be in your 2011!
Debbie

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Debbie 57 daughter of Evelyn 82
When you get to the end of the rope, tie a knot in it and hang on!


Sat Jan 01, 2011 1:33 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
First of all, I am very sorry for you in your position. You have the thankless responsibility of overseeing her medical care while your brother has authority over her estate. How convenient for him! A friend of mine had to file for guardianship and it was a long and expensive procedure. I think you need your own attorney to protect your mother's and your interests. The NH will be protecting theirs and your brother is obviously protecting his own.

God bless you for taking on this task for your mother. Keep us posted on this situation. It will be a good warning for those who may still have time to get the proper legal paperwork prepared before their LO is unable to sign

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Sat Jan 01, 2011 1:38 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3327
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
Yes, Linda, you need to get your own attorney ASAP. I've heard that getting legal guardianship can cost $20,000. If you get a good atty. who understands eldercare issues they may be able to do something right away to help you out, especially if your mom has lucid moments.
I feel so, so badly about your brother's behavior and what's that doing to you and your mom.
Julianne is an atty. and perhaps she can chime in here with some sage advce. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:24 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
This has happened to a local support group member. She has gone to court (I think it was probate court) to have the judge force the family member with financial power of attorney to pay the bills and to hand over all the financial statements (regarding assets). It's a sad, stressful situation but you have to do what you have to do to protect your mother.


Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:26 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3327
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
Robin - do you know if the person was also forced to relinquish POA? I'd hope so.....

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:31 pm
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Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:46 pm
Posts: 4811
Location: SF Bay Area (Northern CA)
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
I don't believe they were. I think judges are not inclined to change someone's POA designations. Perhaps the thinking is that if person A was of sound-mind when he/she selected person B as his/her POA, then person A will need to live with the consequences.


Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:39 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3327
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
Oh my..... Problem is, others are having to live with the consequences as well, huh? Family dynamics can be so complicated. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:27 pm
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Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:52 pm
Posts: 19
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
Thanks all for your replies. My attorney (yes he was suggested by the nursing home) has stated that my gaurdianship will cost around $1000. If It costs more then that , I'm not sure what I will do. He explained that the gaurdianship will "trump" the poa and control of her money will be transfered to me. He also stated that the state of Minnesota with then go after my brother for all bills not paid AND the state of Indiana will also. He assured me that none of the unpaid debts would come to me or my husband. He also said that my brother will find himself in a lot of serious trouble. I hate that, but I am also relieved that it will be taken out of my hands. I will only have to deal with providing for my mother. BUT -- I would like to get my hands on her rocker, her pictures (my brother flatly refused to send them to me.) and an afghan that I bought her. All these items are hers and she has need of them now.

My mother has some lucid moments but not completely(if that makes sense).Yes, she has a proper lewy body dementia diagnosis. When I speak to her about my Brother she becomes very agitated. So I do not mention to her what is going on. He controled her for years (how, I'm not sure). I think she behaves like an abused person would or at least a person who has been intimidated. It breaks my heart that this went on for so long. But I got her out as soon as I could after I became aware.


Sun Jan 02, 2011 5:34 pm
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Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
Glad you have an attorney and are on your way to straightening things out. Wise of you not to discuss these things with your mother. They can get really upset about perceived financial problems, much more about real ones, I would suspect. Good job! We're all here rooting for you! :P

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Sun Jan 02, 2011 5:39 pm
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Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3327
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
I'm so glad you are finding some help already. Keep yourself and your mom safe from your brother - sounds like he is a real piece of work! It's too bad when siblings behave so badly/illegally. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Sun Jan 02, 2011 5:42 pm
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Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
It sounds like you have received some good legal advice, though I am not licensed in either Minnesota or Indiana so I don't know their laws. I hope you will feel better about this once the legal system takes over and helps to straighten things out. These situations are always very hard on families. I am sorry for what you are going through and hope it turns out for the best for your mother and you.

Julianne


Sun Jan 02, 2011 6:31 pm
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Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2010 12:52 pm
Posts: 19
Post Re: Gaurdianship of My Mother
Once the gaurdianship is in place I think I will relax. I am concerned that my brother will get wind of what I am doing and try to stop it somehow. I don't expect much resistance though. He is only interested in the money and the only money left is her social security check.


Sun Jan 09, 2011 5:09 pm
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