View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Sun Nov 23, 2014 12:46 am



Reply to topic  [ 20 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2
 Helping sibling adjust to parent's condition? 
Author Message

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:46 pm
Posts: 3213
Location: WA
Post Re: Helping sibling adjust to parent's condition?
It's been our experience that family members who don't see the LO much think we exaggerate their condition. I consider it denial, to some extent, as they won't feel the guilt if they don't see the problem. To make it even worse, we find the visits less and less frequent the more his condition deteriorates and we need more support. Oh, well, as the Serenity Prayer wisely pleads:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

_________________
Pat [68] married to Derek [84] for 38 years; husband dx PDD/LBD 2005, probably began 2002 or earlier; late stage and in a SNF as of January 2011. Hospitalized 11/2/2013 and discharged to home Hospice. Passed away at home on 11/9/2013.


Fri Dec 31, 2010 1:13 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Helping sibling adjust to parent's condition?
How true, Pat. I have thought of that prayer too a lot as my dad deteriorated. At Thanksgiving, when the wife of one of his very best friends told my sister and me that her husband couldn't bear to visit my dad any more because he was in such terrible shape, I really had to think about that and not be judgemental. But it did make me really sad and really mad that such a close friend of 50 years wouldn't or couldn't visit him any more. He didn't see him for months before he died.
They kept asking me "is there anything we can do to help you?" and I'd always answer "thanks for offering. Yes, you can go visit my dad when we aren't there. That would be the biggest help of all." Didn't happen for many of his last months. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Fri Dec 31, 2010 2:20 pm
Profile

Joined: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:32 am
Posts: 215
Location: Kalispell, MT
Post Re: Helping sibling adjust to parent's condition?
Julianne:

The advice to just write any help off is probably the best. I have almost begged my husband's brother and sister to help, but if they won't make the effort, they won't.

I would, however, respond to your sibling that doesn't want "to remember her that way" that "this is not about YOU, it's about HER."


Fri Dec 31, 2010 7:05 pm
Profile

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pm
Posts: 3430
Location: Vermont
Post Re: Helping sibling adjust to parent's condition?
And sadly, one of these days/weeks/months showtime will decline and your LOs will know, even by the phone conversations, that all is not as they imagine or would like. You might want to install Skype on a laptop and have them talk live to your mom, and maybe they'd see what's really going on. It might be good for her, too, to see the faces of her LOs. Lynn

_________________
Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.


Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:24 pm
Profile

Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2010 5:46 pm
Posts: 610
Post Re: Helping sibling adjust to parent's condition?
It made me choke when my brother seemed to think this whole thing was about him, not my mother.

Lynn, that's a great idea about Skype. I will have to try that. And it's true, the siblings are beginning to see less showtime and more of what is going on. A few months ago, it seemed that time would never come, but my mother's decline over the past two months has been significant.

Julianne


Sat Jan 01, 2011 2:17 pm
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 20 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.
Localized by Maël Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr